GOLF LAWS
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your
swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more
club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead
of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank
a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway
there.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about
the golf swing.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the
one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of
your many other errors
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like
expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts it's not a "gimme" if
you're still next to play.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight
line that passes directly through the centre of a very large tree.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 95% of
the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much
earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the
beginning of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at
exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever
want to see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple
bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up
just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his
back-swing by his handicap; I.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap is 15,
downswing = 300 mph.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top
and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which
one is wearing the glove.
If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in
the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint
It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the lawn.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having
to pray a lot.
A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are ....
that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.
Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you
need to buy fresh ones each week.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace
his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven,
he probably shot an eight (or worse).
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain
surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink
beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing Brain Surgery!!!