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John Kirk

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Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« on: February 23, 2011, 08:19:16 PM »
It seems I get an idea for a significant post every year or so.  I've been writing an essay called "Inside The Mind Of A Critic".  Perhaps John Kavanaugh's recent thread asking if we considered ourselves true critics prompted the idea.  I can't remember.  I've been going through a difficult, introspective period of life, and the essay reflects that.  I'm apprehensive about how the essay will be received.   It is self involved, but I needed to write it, and share how I feel about being a born critic.

After this, it's back to the music blog, though I will check in daily.

John Kirk

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2011, 08:20:34 PM »
My name is John, and I'm a critic.

I was born in October, 1958, one of the last babies born in the old Stanford hospital, right off El Camino by the shopping center.  My mother recognized I was unusual at a very early age, my intense gaze evident within a few weeks.  Mom wasn't working at the time, and I was an exceptionally curious infant, demanding attention, demanding to know, demanding to learn.  Later in life Mom told my wife Cheryl that she was completely unprepared for the task of raising me.

I was precocious.  Mom kept a folder of drawings I made as a child.  One, she remembered distinctly, was a bowling alley with all ten pins in proper configuration titled "Championship Bowling", properly spelled, under which she wrote "John, age 3 1/2".  My Dad was, among another things, a model railroader.  He built me a train set when I was 3 or 4.  I became fascinated with trains, and by age 6 I had essentially memorized the entire San Francisco to San Jose commuter schedule, maybe 50-60 trains and 25 stations.  I could read and do arithmetic by age 5; the contemporary wisdom was to skip children into the next grade level.  I joined second grade in November 1964.  Later that year, I had my tonsils taken out, and during one day recovering at home, I completed over 100 pages of problems in the second grade math book, which I finished by April.

After my train fascination subsided, I began a 10-15 year love affair with baseball statistics.  My friends and I played a dice baseball game called APBA incessantly, pitting major league teams against each other, while keeping meticulous statistics of the players.  Like many American men, I know thousands of useless facts about baseball.  The obsession with table baseball (APBA or Strat-O-Matic) compromised my studies, and it certainly didn't help with the opposite sex.  We weren’t complete couch potatoes.  My friends and I played sports day in and day out.  Junior high school was a glorious and simple time for me, and by 10th grade I was playing basketball several hours a day.

I was always the youngest in my class, graduating at age 16 years, 8 months.  I wish my parents hadn't skipped me.  It was a lost opportunity to excel among my peers.  I graduated as a B+ student, with a huge differential between my English and math SAT scores.  I took a year off to get strong and try to play in college.

I played college basketball and graduated with a bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering.  Sounds great, but there were cracks in the armor.  I loved to compete and do my best, but had no passion for engineering, only the math behind it.  I developed drug and alcohol problems, and sabotaged my basketball to a significant extent.  My coach once implied very directly that I was a loser.  Over the years, I have confounded and disappointed bosses and girlfriends alike with a seeming indifference to love and responsibility.  Drugs and alcohol were blamed for the most part, but through life I focused on a very few, impractical passions.  Things like golf, basketball, statistics, music, and nature.  I was never great at the practical stuff.

I barely passed college level English.   My teacher, Ms. Owen, did not care for me.  My grammar was terrible, and I never had a good idea to write about.  But as college progressed, I was increasingly drawn to writing, volunteering to write the engineering papers that accompanied each experiment.  Maybe it was a chip on my shoulder, seeing that flaw in my education that must be remedied.  Daddy was a technical writer, after all.  There was a growing desire to express myself accurately through the logic of language.  By age 25 I was misspelling a word about once a year.

I struggled for years to find a productive outlet.  A basketball book idea failed to get off the ground; I spent years chatting online while not playing househusband.  Family friend John VanderBorght invited me to join GolfClubAtlas in September of 2003.  He knew I loved analyzing golf courses, and thought I would enjoy meeting like-minded people.  As a young man, I watched “Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf” on TV.  I played a couple of golf table games, including "Thinking Man's Golf", which featured a course of eighteen great American golf holes.  I started playing golf at age 21, and was fascinated and motivated to play the best parks.  I bought Golf Digest’s “100 Greatest Golf Courses, and Then Some”.  I traveled to play good courses.  Playing Royal Dornoch in 1998 and Bandon Dunes in 1999 enlightened me to the enhanced complexity of a firm, windy playing field.

In 2005, I made the simple observation that the enjoyment of golf shots correlates closely to the time it takes a ball to come to rest.  Tom Doak liked the idea, and asked me to write an article for Links magazine.  I am grateful to Tom; the experience gave me confidence that I had something to say.  I began to think of myself as a writer.

Today I have two great projects to work on.  The golf architecture book is on hold, since the iPod collection blog is so fun.   Like baseball statistics, a pop music collection uses my big memory and satisfies a need to evaluate and categorize.  Every song is rated.  Most importantly, I am practicing the art of writing, reveling in the puzzle of stringing together the most logical and lyrical words.

Recently, a perceptive friend of mine noted my unusual traits: precocity, a computer-like retention of facts, the narrow focus on very few subjects, plus some limitations in my ability to read social cues.  She suggested I might have Asperger's Syndrome, a mild version of autism.  After resisting the idea for a few months, I read this sentence in the Mayo Clinic description of the affliction:

"Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes."

I also exhibit many other listed symptoms.   I took an online Autism Spectrum Quotient test, and scored near that arbitrary line where those who score higher are typically identified as "Aspies".  I read the book “Parallel Play" by Tim Page, a man with Asperger's Syndrome who struggled to find his place in society, but is now a recognized music critic and professor of musicology.  His condition is more severe; he struggles with depression and anxiety, whereas I’ve learned to combat depression with physical exercise and menial tasks.  Tim Page’s writing is beautiful, more refined and eloquent than I could hope for.


“With collected energy and obvious confidence and, yes, with a blinkered attitude toward life’s rich rewards, they go their own way, the way to which their own talents have directed them from childhood.   Thus, the truth of the old adage is proved again: good and bad in every character are just two sides of the same coin.”

-- Hans Asperger


I have a robust circle of friends, but I tend to alienate others with a severe sense of justice and need for “the truth”, tangible evidence to support one’s views.  But good social grace does not require the undiminished truth.  It requires pleasant interaction.  I struggle with that.  I look for friends able to quickly dispense with pleasantries and begin serious discussion.   People are often guarded and nervous in my presence, feeling their every thought and action is under intense scrutiny.  It’s not the case, but that’s not the point.

Golf is mathematical, explainable in terms of distance and trajectory, friction and elasticity.  Analyzing golf is intoxicating, but the individualistic nature of playing the game does not suit me well.  My ego has limitations, and has trouble handling the responsibility of defeating a competitor.  It’s hard to beat somebody I don’t know.  I’ve learned how to handle competition reasonably well, knowing I’ll be shaky over the first few short putts.  I felt much more comfortable playing basketball with known teammates, where I could hide within the team structure and unselfishly help to create that synergy which maximizes the team’s talents.  I miss basketball so much.


"It seems that for success in science and art," he wrote, "a dash of autism is essential."

-- Hans Asperger


My new self-knowledge is a double-edged sword.  I’ve always had this powerful memory, which manifests itself in middle age by an increasing capability to synthesize that data into new ideas.   I have lots of stories to tell, which means lots of things to write about.  It’s great to feel the precocious child within reemerge.  At the same time, I’m struggling with arrogance, believing my worldview is clearer than my fellow man.  I’ve been very impatient and intolerant lately.

If I had a nickel for every time somebody said “glass half empty”.  Friends have referred to me as their “most miserable friend.”  I’m just wired that way, not programmed to take things lightly.

I am programmed to categorize, analyze, and evaluate.  Music, sports, and a woman’s physique are my favorites, but a good golf course makes a worthy subject as well.  A complex, living entity, a golf course should reside comfortably upon its natural setting.  It should be beautiful and enjoyable to walk.  A good golf course demands a variety of shots, while offering the player visual cues to prompt the imagination.  I like to imagine the ideal shot beforehand, execute and note the result, judging my level of execution against the result.   I pay attention to my playing partner’s shots and results as well.  My experience playing the West Links at North Berwick was sublime in this regard.  The resulting position of my ball, measured against my execution of the desired shot, was magic that day.  How perfect it all seemed.

When evaluating a golf course, it helps if a host is not overbearing, and allows his guest to interpret and play the golf course without guidance.  When I host a guest, I try to only answer questions, though there are times when guidance should be given, such as “aim way right” on the tee shot on #4 at Stone Eagle.


“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. Last night, I experienced something new, an extraordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau’s famous motto: Anyone can cook. But I realize that only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. It is difficult to imagine more humble origins than those of the genius now cooking at Gusteau’s, who is, in this critic’s opinion, nothing less than the finest chef in France. I will be returning to Gusteau’s soon, hungry for more.”

-- Anton Ego, in “Ratatouille”


Negative criticism can be delivered in a sensitive fashion.  At a minimum, a thoughtful explanation should accompany any critique.  A nice way to criticize is to use a positive example.  We can identify our enjoyment of the sloped putting surfaces at one course to suggest a criticism of a subject course’s flat or dull greens.  It is essential to be kind and diplomatic when publicly evaluating golf courses, since these are major business ventures, and negative publicity can damage a club’s reputation.

Asking access to desired courses to further my education now feels too intrusive.  Besides, I know what I like.  I used to ask a favor every now and then.  Last year I asked a longtime friend and GCA member for a favor, which could not be granted, and I felt pretty sheepish and stupid afterwards.  No more access requests from me.  I have great places to play, and good friends that augment my personal “rotation”.

However, I love to analyze great golf courses, and gladly accept invitations when possible.  It’s nice to feel wanted and appreciated.  I’m competitive about course analysis, too.  I’ll match my ability to analyze architecture with anyone here, except those who build courses for a living.  My need to analyze, coupled with a mathematical education and ample experience playing different courses, gives me confidence that I excel at course analysis.  Most veteran GolfClubAtlas members are great course analysts, with a few years of experience, have their “degree” in course analysis, and do an excellent job analyzing courses.

I’m fortunate to be a member of a couple of very nice golf clubs, and I’ve spent the last few years existing in upper echelons of society.   In recent months I’m struggling with that lofty position.  I didn’t earn my way into the club, unless living below your means counts.  I don’t agree with the worldview of an overwhelming majority of golf club members.  I don’t like the way the American meritocracy is currently structured, and I don’t fit in well.  But I am grateful to those friends I have made, many through GolfClubAtlas, who understand me and want to play the game respectfully, while sharing all that is worth knowing.


“It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘Try and be a little kinder.’”

--  Aldous Huxley (near the end of his life)


Just a couple weeks before the 2000 Open Championship, Tiger Woods came to Pumpkin Ridge and conducted a golfing clinic, an hour long session after a short ceremony to commemorate his 1993 U.S. Amateur championship.  During the friendly chat, Tiger told a story about his early fascination with golf.  His father would put him in a high chair, in the garage where Dad hit balls into a net.  Tiger would intently follow each shot from the mat into the net, while his mother stood and fed Tiger a spoonful of food after each shot.  This is how Kultida Woods fed Tiger when he was 10-12 months old.

Later in the session, Tiger showed how to hit the ball in a low, boring trajectory, by maintaining wrist supination through the hitting zone.  After a few consecutive tight draws, with no shot rising more than 20 feet off the ground, he turned to the crowd with a wry smile and said, “How do you think that’ll work at St. Andrews?”


« Last Edit: February 25, 2011, 05:54:16 AM by John Kirk »

John Kavanaugh

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2011, 08:51:39 PM »
I don't care how you got so damn wealthy, but I am curious why you didn't tell us.

Peter Pallotta

Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2011, 08:52:50 PM »
That's an excellent essay, John.  Congratulations. Thank you for sharing.

I'll leave my deeper or at least more personal thoughts for when we get together for golf and drinks. I'm not uncomfortable getting right to the heart of the matter.

You wrote: "I’ve always had this powerful memory, which manifests itself in middle age by an increasing capability to synthesize that data into new ideas."

In my opinion, that is called Imagination. (That capital "I" is intentional). It is a gift, and an increasingly rare one.

Peter


Peter Pallotta

Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2011, 09:07:46 PM »
I don't care how you got so damn wealthy, but I am curious why you didn't tell us.

I'm surprised, John.  I would've thought you knew better. 

Peter

John Kavanaugh

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2011, 09:12:05 PM »
I don't care how you got so damn wealthy, but I am curious why you didn't tell us.

I'm surprised, John.  I would've thought you knew better. 

Peter

What?  Easy money is a much tougher habit to kick than drugs.

Mike Sweeney

Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2011, 09:27:31 PM »
John Kirk,

That was a fascinating essay and thanks for sharing. I have always enjoyed your essays and our IM exchanges. On a night when I am having renewed interest in American Idol doing the Beatles @ The Love Show in Vegas (on your Ipod??), I was not expecting this type of essay at GCA.com.

Having spent the last 13 years with an Autistic son, I was pretty sure by the third paragraph that you had Aspergers tendencies with the model train history. Getting back to GCA, I am curious why you have such a strong preference for modern courses over the "Old Dead Guy" courses that I personally prefer. I would think that that the randomness in nature of the older courses rather than crafted nature of modern courses would be fascinating to you. I recognize that you single out North Berwick in your essay, so I am saying this from past experiences of reading and exchanging with you.

By the way, the 1964 Phillies were my favorite Strat-O-Matic team !!

Steve Lang

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2011, 09:34:20 PM »
Hello John.

“The practical success of an idea, irrespective of its inherent merit, is dependent on the attitude of the contemporaries. If timely it is quickly adopted; if not, it is apt to fare like a sprout lured out of the ground by warm sunshine, only to be injured and retarded in its growth by the succeeding frost.”

a Nikola Tesla quote
 
I'd add that an occaisional fault to ground, while shocking, is truly insightful.  You draw power inductively and the current, must flow somewhere and the critic must be willing to remove his insulation or is it isolation..
Inverness (Toledo, OH) cathedral clock inscription: "God measures men by what they are. Not what they in wealth possess.  That vibrant message chimes afar.
The voice of Inverness"

mike_beene

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2011, 10:19:38 PM »
John,very interesting and thoughtful.It seems uplifting because you seem to be comfortable in your skin and from what you say that was not always the case? hit home on several fronts: I had thinking mans golf.To this day I love trains and particularly metro maps,airline maps and schedules and golf course maps.No two people are alike,nor are our brains.Thanks for sharing.

Alex Miller

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2011, 10:37:57 PM »
John,

That was truly a wonderful essay and very well written. It takes courage to post personal details on the worldwide web, especially ones which people don't fully understand. So now I have to ask the question that others have to be thinking:


Is Seth Raynor your favorite architect? :)

John Kirk

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2011, 01:12:05 AM »
John Kirk,

That was a fascinating essay and thanks for sharing. I have always enjoyed your essays and our IM exchanges. On a night when I am having renewed interest in American Idol doing the Beatles @ The Love Show in Vegas (on your Ipod??), I was not expecting this type of essay at GCA.com.

Having spent the last 13 years with an Autistic son, I was pretty sure by the third paragraph that you had Aspergers tendencies with the model train history. Getting back to GCA, I am curious why you have such a strong preference for modern courses over the "Old Dead Guy" courses that I personally prefer. I would think that that the randomness in nature of the older courses rather than crafted nature of modern courses would be fascinating to you. I recognize that you single out North Berwick in your essay, so I am saying this from past experiences of reading and exchanging with you.

By the way, the 1964 Phillies were my favorite Strat-O-Matic team !!

C  Gus Triandos
1B  Dick Stuart
2B  Cookie Rojas
SS
3B  Richie Allen
LF  Don Demeter
CF  Johnny Callison
RF  Tony Gonzalez
SP  Chris Short, Jim Bunning, Bo Belinsky

Best I can do without referring to a book.  How did I do?

Like I told Sean Arble over an IM, I am a champion of modern courses, but don't attempt to exclude classic courses from my travels.  Nowadays I just like to play with friends.  Doesn't matter where.

John Kirk

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2011, 01:16:43 AM »
Hello John.

“The practical success of an idea, irrespective of its inherent merit, is dependent on the attitude of the contemporaries. If timely it is quickly adopted; if not, it is apt to fare like a sprout lured out of the ground by warm sunshine, only to be injured and retarded in its growth by the succeeding frost.”

a Nikola Tesla quote
 
I'd add that an occaisional fault to ground, while shocking, is truly insightful.  You draw power inductively and the current, must flow somewhere and the critic must be willing to remove his insulation or is it isolation..

Steve,

I'm sorry.  It is unclear to me what you are trying to say, unless you are saying that a person needs to have an open mind.  If that is the case, my mind is as open as the next, but be prepared to show proof.

John Kirk

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2011, 02:06:58 AM »
John,

That was truly a wonderful essay and very well written. It takes courage to post personal details on the worldwide web, especially ones which people don't fully understand. So now I have to ask the question that others have to be thinking:


Is Seth Raynor your favorite architect? :)

Alex,

I like Tom Doak best.  Perhaps Alister MacKenzie second best.  I like beautiful natural settings, and place a high value on the quality of the walk.  Perhaps you aren't asking a serious question. 

Brad Klein

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #13 on: February 24, 2011, 07:13:03 AM »
John,

Thanks for sharing that meandering set of thoughts -- connected as narratve by your honesty and your willigness to explore diverse aspects of what links your private life and and your public interets.

The ability to reflect on one's singular interests/obsessions/avocations is what ultimately distinguishes a true Aspie from a partial one, though as with all diagnostic terms there are no clear margins but penumbral overlaps and interlaps. There's lovely recent memoir along these lines I'd suggest: John Elder Robison: Look Me in the Eyes: My Life with Asperger's (2007).

Having grown up with an OCD mechanical and electrical engineer for a father, I've become very attuned to the ubiquity of such traits. Some folks are more productive than others with it. I know of one very well known golf course architect who is squarely in that camp. But if you find an outlet and a publicly acceptable (i.e. legal) outlet for that, then great, you're on your way towards genius or virtuoso status. Or at least peace of mind.

 

John Kavanaugh

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2011, 07:19:06 AM »
Some engineers are perfectly normal.

Mike Sweeney

Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #15 on: February 24, 2011, 07:55:44 AM »
John Kirk,

Very well done. I had to cheat and use Google. Bobby Wine was the shortstop on the "64 Phillies. Here is a great excerpt of the pain that team inflicted on Philadelphians:

What I learned from ‘64 was that no matter how good things look, no matter how smoothly life is going, no matter how close you are to success, something will happen at the very end to ruin everything. That’s what a calamitous choke can do to an impressionable kid. So for the Phils to choke and miss the playoffs the last two seasons truly sucks, but compared to the choke of 40 years ago, it was nothing at all.

http://missioncreep.com/mw/phils64.htm

Perhaps the Merion threads here were a nice release for some!!
« Last Edit: February 24, 2011, 07:57:46 AM by Mike Sweeney »

JC Jones

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #16 on: February 24, 2011, 07:58:47 AM »
Mike,

Don't you root for the Yankees now? 
I get it, you are mad at the world because you are an adult caddie and few people take you seriously.

Excellent spellers usually lack any vision or common sense.

I know plenty of courses that are in the red, and they are killing it.

Mike Sweeney

Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #17 on: February 24, 2011, 08:16:32 AM »
Mike,

Don't you root for the Yankees now? 

No.

JC Jones

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #18 on: February 24, 2011, 08:32:43 AM »
That's right, not nearly New England enough.  Probably a proud owner of a pink Boston Red Sox hat.
I get it, you are mad at the world because you are an adult caddie and few people take you seriously.

Excellent spellers usually lack any vision or common sense.

I know plenty of courses that are in the red, and they are killing it.

Ben Kodadek

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #19 on: February 24, 2011, 08:38:01 AM »
John,

Very interesting essay.  Thanks for sharing.  I had my wife read it last night and her repsonse was, "no wonder you're on that site all the time."

Can you provide a link to your music blog?

Tim Martin

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #20 on: February 24, 2011, 08:45:51 AM »
That's right, not nearly New England enough.  Probably a proud owner of a pink Boston Red Sox hat.
JC- MLB has to employ hundreds of extra staffers in their licensing department just to keep up with the dizzying array of styles and colors after Boston finally won a couple of championships after a 100 year drought. Glow in the dark is currently the rage. Grin inserted.

John Kavanaugh

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #21 on: February 24, 2011, 08:49:37 AM »
John,

Very interesting essay.  Thanks for sharing.  I had my wife read it last night and her repsonse was, "no wonder you're on that site all the time."

Can you provide a link to your music blog?

What did she see that would explain your interest in the site?  Are you like the guy in Fight Club that enjoys jumping into other peoples pain?  What is John trying to teach us here?

Mark Woodger

Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #22 on: February 24, 2011, 09:13:10 AM »
A wonderful read John K and thank you very much for sharing. I can certainly relate to some of the things you write about and found your essay to be very helpful.


John Kirk

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #23 on: February 24, 2011, 09:17:27 AM »
John,

Very interesting essay.  Thanks for sharing.  I had my wife read it last night and her repsonse was, "no wonder you're on that site all the time."

Can you provide a link to your music blog?

What did she see that would explain your interest in the site?  Are you like the guy in Fight Club that enjoys jumping into other peoples pain?  What is John trying to teach us here?

http://theperfectipodcollection.wordpress.com

Music for baby boomers.  Next up is Steve Winwood, on hold until I wrote this nonsense, which was in fact, kinda painful.

John, your remark is quite curious.  I thought you'd see the main point, which is to suggest an innate desire to analyze, perhaps a common trait among some Golf Club Atlas members.

By the way, I think of myself as pretty normal.  I'm not off the charts weird.  I like girls and sports and debating the merits of golf courses.  And self-deprecation.

Terry Lavin

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Re: Inside The Mind Of A Critic
« Reply #24 on: February 24, 2011, 09:19:26 AM »
Hi, my name is Terry, and I'm a critic.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.  H.L. Mencken

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