The lesser-known of the Santa Clauses, he wears chinos, a buttoned-down shirt from Lands End and a pair of battered addidas, and travels on a Bobcat accompanied by 7 young red-nosed associates. Over the years, he has gotten many requests via email from (mostly) boys and some girls, and unlike the other Santa makes no distinctions or value judgements as to merit. He doesn't care whether anyone has been naughty or nice, and he listens with equal attention to pompous bores, engaging wits, high handicappers and illiterates alike. In response, he has for years been busy answering our 'Dear Santas' and providing us little rug rats (9 or 90, 25s or +2s) with all that our hearts desire, golf-course-architecture wise. He is getting older, however, and is getting tired of having to manage such a large payroll and of traveling to China, so the Architectural Santa has written his "Manifesto" so that some younger man or woman might be guided in that role in years to come. I have seen portions of an early draft:
1. You must wear clothes from Lands End or LL Beene.
2. Remember: no golfer in the history of golf has ever actually played to his handicap, and none hits the ball as far as he thinks; fudge the yardage whenever you can.
3. Build your courses wide, and then wider, and then wider still. Trust me: no paying customer will ever mind.
4. Do your part in fostering the myth that being able to putt from anywhere -- from three feet off the green to 60 yards away -- makes the game more fun, interesting and challenging, and that it isn't simply a tacit recognition of how unskilled most golfers are with anything but a putter in the hands.
5. Never have water anywhere, under no circumstances. If there is a naturally occurring pond or stream on the site, make sure to drain it or fill it in; also make sure to call it a barranca and not a 'ditch'.
6. In regards the options and strategies and choices that you design, remember the famous dictum: No one has ever gone broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. Make those choices so obvious that you're almost embarrassed they're so obvious; don't worry, golfers will still feel puffed up about "seeing" them.
7. Periodically take a pot shot at Jack Nicklaus' designs -- any design will do, but focus mainly on 'his early work' so as to seem fair minded and sophisticated. Also, add in that "obviously, Jack designed with his own game in mind".
8. Start looking at the possibility of a walking only golf resort on the Moon. The next generation of developers will have to look someplace "remote" and the Earth is running out of those.
As I say, I only saw a portion of The Manifesto, so can't speak authoritatively about it. But I can say: Thank you, Architectural Santa Claus for making all our golfing dreams come true!
All the best
Peter