What's interesting about this whole give and take process is the variety of approaches by architects, and the reactions of every client.
Just recently, I have heard of architects dismissed. One for being too rigid, having somehow told the members it was his way or the highway. The other was dismissed for giving in far too much to the clients ideas, willing to do most anything.
I was also recently involved as an outside architect, when a faction of a club used a 13 year old article I had written in Golf Course News to challenge the architects propositions, which were widely approved by the rest of the club, but the battle raged on, including me half way across the country.
My guess is the architect has to read the client, and then deliver approximately the amount of firmness to his ideas as possible. There is no template, apparently. Ideally, clients should set the mission, approve the plans with minimal changes, etc., as TD suggests.
If they have selected the right architect for their club culture, that shouldn't be a huge problem. So, perhaps the problems started back in the interview phase in those cases.