Villanelle Wednesday

[John Kavanaugh]

The villanelle poetic form was popular during the time that golf started to blossum in America (1890's) so why not bring it back today?  Please pay attention to the strict form of rhyme and repetition as shown below and have at it.  It should go without saying that golf architecture subjects only or this thread will meet the sad fate of Haiku Tuesdays.  An example and explanation:

The villanelle has no established meter, although most nineteenth-century villanelles had eight or six syllables per line and most twentieth-century villanelles had ten syllables per line. The essence of the form is its distinctive pattern of rhyme and repetition, with only two rhyme-sounds ("a" and "b") and two alternating refrains that resolve into a concluding couplet. The following is the schematic representation of a villanelle in its fixed modern form; letters in parentheses ("a" and "b") indicate rhyme.

Refrain 1 (a)
Line 2 (b)
Refrain 2 (a)

Line 4 (a)
Line 5 (b)
Refrain 1 (a)

Line 7 (a)
Line 8 (b)
Refrain 2 (a)

Line 10 (a)
Line 11 (b)
Refrain 1 (a)

Line 13 (a)
Line 14 (b)
Refrain 2 (a)

Line 16 (a)
Line 17 (b)
Refrain 1 (a)
Refrain 2 (a)
[edit]Example

Edwin Arlington Robinson's villanelle "The House on the Hill" was first published in The Globe in September 1894.

They are all gone away,
The House is shut and still,
There is nothing more to say.

Through broken walls and gray
The winds blow bleak and shrill.
They are all gone away.

Nor is there one to-day
To speak them good or ill:
There is nothing more to say.

Why is it then we stray
Around the sunken sill?
They are all gone away,

And our poor fancy-play
For them is wasted skill:
There is nothing more to say.

There is ruin and decay
In the House on the Hill:
They are all gone away,
There is nothing more to say.

[Peter Pallotta]

John
because you've been giving 110%, and because it's such an outlandish idea, I thought I'd try. No wise-cracks please: I already know that it sounds like one of the poems Jimmy Stewart used to read about his dog on The Tonight Show:

A good friend for match play
The brisk but quiet thrills
The peace of a golfing day

On nature's gentle trails
Past sand and waters still
And nothing left to say

The joys of "you're away"
The grass upon the hill
The peace of a golfing day

The ball that goes astray
As birds about you trill
And nothing left to say

The comical displays
The challenge to our skills
The peace of a golfing day

What is this game we play
Of heart and mind and will
And nothing left to say
The peace of a golfing day

Peter
(I had to edit it: I forgot a whole stanza. Duh!)

[John Kavanaugh]

A good friend for match play
The brisk but quiet thrills
The peace of a golfing day

On nature's gentle trails
Past sand and waters still
And nothing left to say

The joys of "you're away"
The grass upon the hill
The peace of a golfing day

The ball that goes astray
As birds about you trill
And nothing left to say

The comical displays
The challenge to our skills
The peace of a golfing day

What is this game we play
Of heart and mind and will
And nothing left to say
The peace of a golfing day

Peter,

I think that's great and thanks.  I'm just a little concerned that you don't follow the villanelle form quite tight enough.  Your rhyme is good with the exception of the fourth line and I don't believe you repeat refrain one quite right if at all.  I have myself been stumped so far thinking I could come up with a villanelle about Riviera without much problem.  The repeating refrains and strict rhyme scheme is all too difficult.  I will continue to keep trying.

[Peter Pallotta]

John
yes, I myself was concerned about an improper use of the refrain; as you well know, the villanelle without proper form is "garbage".**  

Also, I patterned my own work on that of Edwin Arlington Robinson, who (strangely) uses six or SEVEN syllables per line! I'm a bit embarrassed about my whole attempt, actually.  

** At least according to one of the leading writers/critics of the villanelle, who in the early 20th century was part of a discussion group that explored and dissected the villanelle poetry of the past 50 years. Apparently, he thought Robinson a "fraud" who only pandered to the banal tastes of the masses.  Other poets, however, very much appreciated Robinson, who was so popular and so well-paid that he raised the fees that ALL writers of the villanelle could charge.

Peter

[John Kavanaugh]

Peter,

One reason I chose the villanelle form was that I thought it mirrored routing a golf course near the ocean.  You choose a couple of good refrains (greensites) and then route the poem (course) around those two.  It is much harder than it sounds.

Since I am completely stumped...Could anyone out there come up with refrain one and two for Riviera.  Of course they must rhyme.  If we get a couple of good refrains and use the architect names George C. Thomas, Jr. with William Bell in the second line we should be set.  Bell rhymes with so many possibilities everything else should fall right into place.  No...Fazio restoration hell will not be used no matter how well it rhymes with Bell.

[Andy Levett]

Since I am completely stumped...Could anyone out there come up with refrain one and two for Riviera.  Of course they must rhyme.  

As it's Riviera, a (rueful) nod to the stock market that aided the purchase:
In the eighties flying so high
...
Yet still we wait for the Nikkei

[John Kavanaugh]

Since I am completely stumped...Could anyone out there come up with refrain one and two for Riviera.  Of course they must rhyme.  

As it's Riviera, a (rueful) nod to the stock market that aided the purchase:
In the eighties flying so high
...
Yet still we wait for the Nikkei

You guys are hopeless.  In a villanelle refrain one and two need to rhyme.  This link should help: http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/CraftOfPoetry/villanelle.html

[Peter Pallotta]

John
you shamed me into going back, working harder, and re-writing my villanelle. I believe I've licked it, this quixotic devil -
at least in "form".  But I won't rest easy until you give it your stamp of approval; you're the expert.

One thing though: it is sheer madness to try it with "Riviera"

Peter - here it is:

A quiet friend for match play
Past sand and waters still
Peace for a golfer's day

The joys of "you're away"
The brisk but gentle thrill
A quiet friend for match play

With nothing left to say
The grass upon the hill
Peace for a golfer's day

The ball that goes astray
As birds about you trill
A quiet friend for match play

The comical display
The challenge to our skills
Peace for a golfer's day

What is this game we play
Of heart and mind and will
A quiet friend for match play
Peace of a golfer's day

[John Kavanaugh]

A quiet friend for match play
The brisk but gentle thrill
Peace for a golfer's day

With nothing left to say
Past sand and waters still
A quiet friend for match play

The joys of "you're away"
The grass upon the hill
Peace for a golfer's day

The ball that goes astray
As birds about you trill
A quiet friend for match play

The comical display
The challenge to our skills
The peace of a golfing day

What is this game we play
Of heart and mind and will
A quiet friend for match play
The peace of a golfing day

I think it is fine and nice...I just wonder why you lost confidence in Peace for a golfer's day and changed it to The peace of a golfing day.  I would guess you need to stick with one or the other.  Honestly, I might consider losing the word the through the whole thing.  Trim it down so it reads so fast it makes you nervous like a short putt...a contradiction to what the words say.

[Peter Pallotta]

John
I took your suggestion re: "the", and made a few other changes as well (see above). But I'm a little disheartened and hurt right now: "fine and nice" is damning with faint praise. Imagine if I said that about your home course?

Of course, "reads so fast....in contradiction to what the words say" is very astute of you....but it's the form, that damn form! It's impossible.

By the way, sooner or later you're gonna have to walk the walk. I bet in the end you DO use Fazio and hell as a rhyme for Bell

Peter  

[John Kavanaugh]

A quiet friend for match play
Past sand and waters still
Peace for a golfer's day

The joys of "you're away"
The brisk but gentle thrill
A quiet friend for match play

With nothing left to say
The grass upon the hill
Peace for a golfer's day

The ball that goes astray         Of land once harvested for hay
As birds about you trill            Now the product of cut and fill
A quiet friend for match play    A quiet friend for match play

The comical display
The challenge to our skills
Peace for a golfer's day

What is this game we play
Of heart and mind and will
A quiet friend for match play
Peace of a golfer's day

It is fun being the critic.  I usually can't get through a poem that long without my mind wondering and I'm enjoying this so it must be ok.  Not big on the bird trill rhyme so I added a little ditty above.  Architectural even.  

[Andy Levett]

Since I am completely stumped...Could anyone out there come up with refrain one and two for Riviera.  Of course they must rhyme.  

As it's Riviera, a (rueful) nod to the stock market that aided the purchase:
In the eighties flying so high
...
Yet still we wait for the Nikkei

You guys are hopeless.  In a villanelle refrain one and two need to rhyme.  This link should help: http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/CraftOfPoetry/villanelle.html

I thought the incorrect but widespread rhyme of Nikkei with high added another layer of irony.
Quel dommage

[John Goodman]

OK Barney, I know it's now Villanelle Thursday, but try this one on for size.

On a course near Santa Cruz,
my game was in an awful state.
I was defeated yet did not lose.

I made fours and my foe made twos
on the holes numbered three and eight
on a course near Santa Cruz.

My putts were wretched - no great news -
the eleventh made me scratch my pate.
I was defeated yet did not lose.

I was closed out, but I’d seen clues
of features not just good, but great,
on that course near Santa Cruz.  

Though I’d been drummed, I left bemused:
Why love a course I ought to hate?
I mean the course near Santa Cruz.

Who can now walk in the Doctor’s shoes?
Such golfing splendor recreate?
Like the course near Santa Cruz,
Where I was defeated yet did not lose.

[John Kavanaugh]

OK Barney, I know it's now Villanelle Thursday, but try this one on for size.

On a course near Santa Cruz,
my game was in an awful state.
I was defeated yet did not lose.

I made fours and my foe made twos
on the holes numbered three and eight
on a course near Santa Cruz.

My putts were wretched - no great news -
the eleventh made me scratch my pate.
I was defeated yet did not lose.

I was closed out, but I’d seen clues
of features not just good, but great,
on that course near Santa Cruz.  

Though I’d been drummed, I left bemused:
Why love a course I ought to hate?
I mean the course near Santa Cruz.

Who can now walk in the Doctor’s shoes?
Such golfing splendor recreate?
Like the course near Santa Cruz,
Where I was defeated yet did not lose.

Oh My...When I can get away from this blackberry and have a few more drinks I will be happy to comment.  

[John Goodman]

I know I should let this thread just drift away, but I wrote one more while watching the PODS last night, and it also kind of fits in a little with the latest rankings thread:


One more resort, not last or best
but there to sate your golfing fix,
better than you might have guessed

You’ll buy a shirt that sports a crest,
or new head covers for your sticks.
One more resort, not last or best.

Wall-to-wall green and GPS,
the water features are prolix,
but better than you might have guessed.

The courses are rather more than less,
they wouldn’t be the Doak-boys’ picks.
One more resort, not last or best.

They’ve hid the paths, I must confess;
the beer girls look like Dixie Chicks.
Better than you might have guessed.

No architectural arrest,
and not a links - but mighty slick.
One more resort, not last or best,
but better than you might have guessed.

[Tommy_Naccarato]

I don't know how this thread passed me up!

John it reminds me of one of the great all-time posts on Golf Club Atlas, Haiku Tuesdays.

In the old days one used to be able to come to this website and get a haiku and beer for a couple of bits...No more. I hate modernization! Hell, these newer guys on GCA don't even have a clue how great it once was here....They don't have a clue!.

I'll work on my Thomas/Bell Villanelle later tonight....

[John Kavanaugh]

I'll hold you to that Tommy.  I think you will find that the villanelle form is more difficult than imagined.  I thought I did a decent revision of Peter's one above but he said it was not worthy of posting.  You may soon find out yourself why it it a dead form now only being practiced on Wednesdays on GCA.

[Chris Cupit]

Whatever happened to the classic iambic pentameter  

[Tommy_Naccarato]

John, I've tried three times to attempt a Villanelle and have found no luck yet. This damn thing is hard!