Perhaps unbelievably I'd like to say I have no opinion at all on Bermuda grass and it's playability. I just don't think I understand it. I've played on it all my life, and I still don't understand it. I know when I play a ball out of Bermuda rough around greens I always played it a lot like a bunker shot and that always worked fine for me.
I also know all my southern golfing buddies told me you have to really understand how to putt Bermuda greens with its grainyness or whatever. Long ago I said screw that, I'm just gonna plumb 'em and putt 'em just like I do northern bent greens and you know what, it looked to me like I putted them a lot better than all those southern boys who complicated the issue so much they seemed always totally confused when putting bermuda greens.
I recognize that the south appears to be saddled with bermuda grass because it's just too damn hot down yonder to grow bent grass which is pretty perfect.
I also think the fact that bent appears agronomically reserved for most places other than the Old South makes me wonder about things like poetic justice.
In other words, has God and The Fates saddled the Old South and all my southern golfing buddies with a problematic golf grass just to drive them eternally crazy? And if so, why is that?
I figure it must have something to do with the fact all my Southern buddies' forebears treated our black brothers like shit once upon a time and this is God's way of taking revenge on all our Southern golfing brethern. Either that or this is Fate's way of telling all our Southern golfing Brethen that they shouldn't have started that God-damned Civil War. They started it, they lost it, and this is Fate's way of making them pay for it eternally---eg forcing them to play golf on bermuda grass.
But look, all of you Southern golfing buddies of mine, you all have an open invitation to come up here into the North which is the golfing Garden of Eden anyway and play on all our bent grass courses.
I must finally say I genuinely feel sorry for all my Southern golfing buddies who are saddled with bermuda grass.
I of course make an exception for Bob Crosby because the guy went to Harvard and for that reason alone he was naturally imbued with a type of intelligence that makes him take these things in stride and not be driven eternally crazy by Bermuda grass.
I also make an exception for my Southern buddy Paul Cowley because although he thinks he's southern he actually comes from New York state and gets some kind of a pass on this frightful vengence layed on all my Southern golfing buddies by bermuda grass.
Paul, however, is a Civil War reenactor and if he is having trouble playing and putting bermuda grass down there what I would suggest he do is just switch to reenacting for the Union Army and not those cockamanny Confederate Army rebels who he should know lost the God-damn Civil War they started about 150 years ago.
For Christ's Sake, fight for the right side Paul---the Northern Union side, the side of right, justice and nobility and you'll chip better down there on Bernuda, you'll putt better down there on Bermuda and you'll score better down there on Bermuda and have more fun on Bermuda, like I do.
Now, as far as Matt Ward is concerned, I'd say he must have some southern heritage in him because God and the Fates are torturing him for some reason with Bermuda grass just like God and The Fates are torturing all my southern golfing buddies with Bermuda grass for treating our Black Brothers like shit 150 years ago and yonder or for starting the God-damned Civil War on us Northern clean living and clear thinking folk and then having the bad form to lose that War and get subjected to the vengence of God and The Fates by Bermuda grass.