SIC - Star Date July 2021.
Tyson De Chambeou is my imaginary friend.
He'd not long taken up golf and has expressed an interest in golf course architecture so I took him to the scene of a famous match between teams of golf course architects and architecture fans from both sides of the 3,000 mile wide pond ....... the one and only Painswick.
I hadn't seen Tyson play before so when on the par-4 240 yd uphill 1-in-3 climb 1st he asked if it was okay to hit his Driver I said yes.
He then launched with a 4* Driver from a near Eiffel Tower height tee-peg his Pro-V2 over the green, over the 2nd and 14th fairways. The ball was never seen again although a report was later received of a vehicle accident on the M5 motorway several miles away where a Pro-V2 golf ball marked 'TDC' was found embedded in a vehicles windscreen.
Under the new 'fairness' rule recently introduced by the R&A and USGA the fact that Tysons ball had overshot the green didn't matter as he was allowed to place without penalty a replacement ball on the front of the putting surface whereupon he holed out for a 2, or an 'eagle' as he referred to it.
On the 2nd hole, a par 340 yds, Tyson decided to lay up with an 9-iron. For his second shot he used his new 75* wedge. Unfortunately he thinned the shot which flew the green, flew the 3rd hole completely and entered through an open window an ice-cream van positioned in the carpark behind the 3rd green.
Again under the new 'fairness' rule he was able to place a ball on the front of the putting surface of the 2nd green whereupon he two putted for a 3, or a 'birdie' as he called it.
As to the also overshot 3rd hole, again under the 'fairness' rule he was able to place a ball at the front of the putting surface from where he holed his putt for a 1, or an 'ace-double-eagle' as he called it.
I won't describe the rest of the round but it all followed in a similar manner.
When examining his card at the end of the round it was apparent that Tyson had shot 29 under par.
Tyson is 7' 11" tall, works out in the gym for 10 hrs 7-days per week and consumes 43 protein drinks per day. His daily consumption of food is greater than that of Africa and Asia combined. His farts are incendiary.
And his age? Oh, Tyson is 15 years old.
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