The rare golf I play these days at my club is usually confined to a Saturday morning dew-sweep - usually first off on the Ocean Course with my best friend and a pair of elderly speed-burners. Of the entire Olympic Club "daybreak group" (which includes roughly 30 players on both courses), I believe there is exactly one player who takes a buggy - owing to a prosthetic leg.
Yet somehow - Ocean or Lake - it NEVER takes more than 3 1/2 hours to hoof it. Every subgroup has its own particular set of mores, but even with cross-pollination, the overriding ethos is simply to get on with it. Sometimes it is that simple. In our case, the rule is that the pin does not get removed for the first few holes unless you've got a birdie putt of less than 15 feet. Yes, that is a violation, but we finish the Ocean in 3 hours without feeling rushed for even a moment.
The article above suggesting "horizontal cart paths" nearly made me gag - evidently that writer has not priced golf balls lately, beyond X-Out Top Flites in the discount barrel.
The slow play problem at San Mateo Muni had always been an issue and after the course closed for a full remodel, part of the redesign committee reassembled to tackle the problem under the theory that the best time to commence a pace-of-play initiative was Day #1 when the course reopened under the name Poplar Creek.
Our "Marshals" at the time were led by a lovable old grouch named Julio who did a terrific job untangling backups and generally keeping the herd moving towards the barn. The problem was all he had in his quiver was a stick and no carrot, so we spent quite a bit of time as policy wonks trying to put a few more tools at his disposal.
From a redesign standpoint, I tried to convince our architect to avoid backups on the first three holes - which usually sets the tone for the day - but after construction began, changes were made to #2 and #3 that proved poor choices; what was done cannot be untangled without a massive expenditure.
Below is what I wrote for our local rag. I do not know if any of these ideas are still being pursued years later, but this is a simplified version of our original set of solutions:
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What is the difference between a Ranger, Marshal and Player Assistant?
Whatever name you choose, Poplar Creek has begun the process of hiring a staff of specially trained men and women to keep play moving along. Information for interested parties can be found below.
It ought to be a simple matter to attract people like Julio Bracessco, who has achieved iconic status for his bluntly effective method in moving along dawdling laggards. But Julio he is a rare commodity.
In a perfect world, marshals would not be necessary as the majority of golfers play without delay and when approached by a fellow golfer asking to “play through,” are unfailingly polite and accommodating.
Compared to every other sport, we do a remarkable job of policing ourselves. Civility and good etiquette are the rule and not the exception, be it at private clubs or the local muni.
However, the world is not perfect and the necessity remains for on-site monitoring. We sat down with general manager Tim Heck, who has drawn up a multi-pronged strategy for keeping the speed of play at an acceptable level without resorting to cattle prods.
The new crew will be called “Player Assistants, a more palatable moniker designed to reflect a more player-friendly and less confrontational policy. Heck believes in using motivation to gain cooperation from the golfing reprobates amongst us.
Some issues will be easily resolved by simply setting a quick pace in the morning as a precedent. Golfers who have proven to be speed-burners around the course will be given preferential tee times. Fear of losing the privilege of an early starting time will be motivation enough.
And just what to do about the dilatory slugs holding up the parade every weekend? Some donkeys are not easily cajoled and practice passive (or aggressive) resistance with expertise. To find out, we queried the usual suspects at the 19th hole, who quickly conjured up a list of the prime offenders with suggestions on how to use the carrot and the stick:
BOB the BLOB: Easy to spot as he slowly waddles down the fairway with jiggling gut, ill fitting shorts and a thin-strapped canvass bag dragging from the weight of a six-pack of beer - barely enough supply to last to the half-way house. Bob’s pre-shot routine involves three reverse-pivot practice swings exposing his girthy midriff. Wearing high-top tennis shoes, he has sun screen dripping from his ruddy red face but still wears his cap backwards.
Player Assistant strategy: Promise Blob a pitcher of beer if he finishes in four hours and simply stand aside. This can backfire, as Bob will forever-after play slowly hoping to get the same deal.
MRS. RULES CHAIRMAN: Severe, no-nonsense woman who always has a hyphen in her name like Periwinkle-Smith and runs the ladies golf section. Owns 37 plaid wool skirts, worn even in the heat of August. She last conceded a putt or tipped a waiter during the Johnson administration. Hopelessly anal about rules technicalities, she even marks tap-ins, insisting everyone else also do so. A former winner of the club championship, she never stops reminding everyone about it either.
Player Assistant strategy: This is a toughie, but the consensus is to appeal to her ego. “Oh Mrs. Smith, you are the best player in the club so we are coming to you for help in moving some of your playing partners along. . . . .”
CHEAP CARL: Nice guy who means well, but thinks five hours is the normal time for eighteen holes. Always carries a ball retriever and fishes around the edges of water hazards. Takes more pride in the fact he has never bought a golf ball than his career round. Also walks along the rough line with a sand wedge, poking under the bushes. Despite having 23 boxes of old balls in his garage, Carl will let two groups play-through before giving up.
Player Assistant strategy: When you find Carl wandering around looking for that water-logged Titleist, toss down a brand new Top Flite and loudly shout “Here it is!” Carl will gladly get moving and never tell his playing partners. After all, the only thing worse to him than losing a ball is a two dollar nassau.
UNCLE JOE: “What’s the rush?” he wants to know, adjusting his polyester beltless slacks as he plumb bob’s a short putt for par (when his opponent has already conceded the hole). “Golf courses are not supposed to be race tracks,” he grouses at anyone gently trying to prod him along. Joe is worth a small fortune, but still gripes the fees are too high. After wandering around the course for five hours, Joe coughs up $1.50 for coffee with free refills and spends the rest of the afternoon playing gin and driving the waitress crazy.
Player Assistant strategy: Joe loves to play early, so he is a prime candidate for the preferred tee-time program. He can play quickly if he wants to, the trick is to make him want to. Even if he occasionally falls a hole behind, promise him lunch if his group stays in position the rest of the round. Or better yet, threaten to pair him with Mrs. Periwinckle-Smith next time.
CHAD the YUPPIE: Nike clothes, Calloway clubs, expensive cigars, enormous bag and an ego to match. Thinks he is WAY better than he is, and therefore plays from the tips. Swings so hard on every tee he nearly ruptures himself and always takes a cart. A long hitter, but his air mail has no zip code. Most of the Pro V1 balls that Cheap Carl finds in the water were Chad’s - easily identified by his name imprinted into the cover. Chad paid his green fees and is going to take as long as he wants to.
Player Assistant strategy: Taken alone, Chad can be embarrassed to get moving. However, this particular donkey tends to travel in packs of four that cannot be coaxed, bribed, shamed, cajoled or reasoned with. Here, the solution is to give them a warning and then refund their fees and toss them off the track. Sooner or later they will get accepted at Bushwood CC and become somebody else’s problem.
And what do when all of these lollygaggers get paired in the same group? Well, that is what we have Julio for, but my vote is to pull out the cattle prod.