JMEvensky-suggested Idiotic Comment Contest

[Carl Johnson]

From JMEvensky on another thread:

" . . . It might be fun to have a contest--most idiotic golf course-related comment spoken by a Board or Green Committee member."

Let's do it.

(P.S., caption clarified 11:25 a.m. EDT (USA), 19 May 2012)

[Dan Herrmann]

There aren't enough trees on our course.  Let's make it pretty by planting trees along the fairways.
 - referring to a Gil Hanse course built in 2003 with almost no trees other than on the perimeter of the course.

Fortunately, the suggestion was respectfully ignored.

[Adam Clayman]

"I'll vote against that"

To put into context, there wasn't a vote. It was a response to the question; "Do you think the course is over watered?"

[Kalen Braley]

I'm glad Carl explained this one....

.....cause just by reading the title, I initially thought he was headed in a completely different direction!

P.S. I suppose if that were the case it'd woulda been labeled "The Garland Bayley Idiotic Comment Contest" 

[Sean Leary]

I'm glad Carl explained this one....

.....cause just by reading the title, I initially thought he was headed in a completely different direction!

P.S. I suppose if that were the case it'd woulda been labeled "The Garland Bayley Idiotic Comment Contest" 

+1. I was thinking, how can you steal that from Garland....Give the man his due, please.

[Bill_McBride]

I'm no longer on our green committee.  but they just voted to blow up our perfectly decent Tifdwarf greens because of a serious nematode attack after the warm winter, and replace with a mini-verde.  (We are scheduled to apply Curfew Monday).

Luckily cooler heads prevailed as the board didnt concur.  We don't have the $200,000 that was estimated for replacement.    For those who know this stuff, does that sound like a realistic cost?   Our greens average 8,000 SF, plus 10,000 SF of putting greens.   

[Joey Chase]

There is a course in Westchester I was involved with renovations on.  Shortly after the U.S. Open was at Oakmont, one of the suggestions was to add a Church Pews bunker in between two adjoining holes.  Fortunately, it never got past the first round of laughter.

[Don_Mahaffey]

I'm no longer on our green committee.  but they just voted to blow up our perfectly decent Tifdwarf greens because of a serious nematode attack after the warm winter, and replace with a mini-verde.  (We are scheduled to apply Curfew Monday).

Luckily cooler heads prevailed as the board didnt concur.  We don't have the $200,000 that was estimated for replacement.    For those who know this stuff, does that sound like a realistic cost?   Our greens average 8,000 SF, plus 10,000 SF of putting greens.   

Bill,
Budget number for ultra dwarf grass is .50/sq ft or 75-80K in your case. That is just the grass (includes planting sprigs by supplier), whatever else needs to be done is tacked on top, but striping, fumigating, and other prep doesn't add up to another 100K+. 

[Bill_McBride]

There is a course in Westchester I was involved with renovations on.  Shortly after the U.S. Open was at Oakmont, one of the suggestions was to add a Church Pews bunker in between two adjoining holes.  Fortunately, it never got past the first round of laughter.

That actually was done by Tom Weiskopf, on the Ocean Course at the Olympic Club.   Doesn't work IMHO. 

[Mitch Hantman]

Here's my submission for best idiotic comment by a board member.  He had not been a member of many golf clubs before.  His answer was not intended as a joke.  When the board was discussing the building of a halfway house at the turn, he said, "Why do we need a halfway house here?  We don't have members on drugs!".  He was being serious.

[JMEvensky]

I'm flattered--I've never had a thread named after me before.

[JMEvensky]

I was once asked why the maintenance staff didn't fill in divots in the rough.

I was once told by a Board Member that his wife suggested benches be placed next to the ladies' tees. I don't think he ever understood that this might cause a problem for the people playing the three sets of tee markers directly behind where these benches would go.

I was once asked by a Board Member to have shade trees planted next to the ladies' 17th tee because it got hot while they were waiting to tee off.

A Board Member suggested that our Primo expense would be better used in planting flowers next to all the tee boxes.He,of course,had no idea what Primo is used for--and he figured if he didn't know then it must be a waste of money.

And everyone's favorite--why do we always aerify the greens just when they start to get good?

[Ed Brzezowski]

Let's put a tee back here .

Since every course needs another 427 yards par four where the tee ball must go over a green in play, and the green on this new hole is designed to accept second shots from 100 to 125 yards.

Morons

[Jason Thurman]

Not from a greens committee, but I had a buddy explain to me once how a course was poorly designed because it "lacks enough water, trees, and other features necessary to create a high slope rating."

And JMEvensky, the same buddy often refuses to return to courses without shade trees on the tees.

[Rich Goodale]

I was recently on a walk through of 3 holes on my home course with other members of our "development" committee and one of my colleagues managed to argue the case for "strategic trees" on each of those holes, sometimes in more than one place.  I plan to give him a chain saw for Christmas.....

[John Chilver-Stainer]

My favourite that comes up at regular intervals

„It’s unfair – I hit a perfect drive and it went into the bunker“

 (referring to a centre line bunker)

[Pete Blaisdell]

One might think that a person that has officiated this game for 35 years has seen and heard it all but such is not the case.

Allow me to relate a situation that I encountered at the NCAA Golf Championships last year at Karsten Creek in Stillwater, Oklahoma that became a rallying cry among my fellow officials for the week.

I was summoned for a ruling on the left side of the sixth hole , about 30 yards into the scrub brush and rock outcroppings. A player had hooked his tee shot badly into this area and I found him and his ball near one of the rock outcroppings. Conversation went pretty much like this.

   ME-- HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
   PLAYER-- DO I GET RELIEF FROM THIS?
   ME-- RELIEF FROM WHAT?
   PLAYER-- FROM THOSE(pointing to a bunch of beetles scurrying about)
   ME-- WELL, THE'RE NOT FIRE ANTS OR ANY INSECT I WOULD CALL DANGEROUS. IF THEY WERE, YES I WOULD GRANT RELIEF BUT IN YOUR CASE THEY'RE JUST BUGS.
   THE player just looked at me, befuddled and dissapointed and said with a straight face---
               ----" BUT, THEY'RE UGLY BUGS "         --I said, ' Ball's in play, let's go "  --  I tried to keep a straight face as long as I could but lost the battle before I made it to my cart.

[Tom ORourke]

In South jersey, in this economy, with a declining membership, with the amount of play way, way down, our club president recently floated the idea of putting a second floor on our club house for a mens grill room. Right above the current dining room.  We are 15 minutes from Woodcrest Country Club which is bankrupt after reding their clubhouse. You would think he might have thought about that.

[Jeff_Brauer]

In a renovation interview:

"Mr. Brauer, don't you think that on a par 5, it ought to be just as easy to reach the green in two from the fw bunker as it is from the middle of the fw?"

My honest answer cost me that project.........I broke sales rule no. 1 - Never tell the truth!

[Garland Bayley]

I attended a green committee meeting where the chairman stated that he would have drainage put in from location A to location B, which we all knew was uphill. We all sat in silence for a bit not knowing whether we should point out the blatantly obvious before he moved on to the next topic.

[Garland Bayley]

I'm glad Carl explained this one....

.....cause just by reading the title, I initially thought he was headed in a completely different direction!

P.S. I suppose if that were the case it'd woulda been labeled "The Garland Bayley Idiotic Comment Contest" 

+1. I was thinking, how can you steal that from Garland....Give the man his due, please.

This got me thinking Sean. You have been a member of this website for longer than I have. How many times have your posts raised a topic to "Sticky Topic"? Kalen can be excused. After all he is trying to pass himself off as a 13.4 index for KP. I explicitly asked to be on the other team from Kalen. How can that be classified as idiotic? Seems perfectly sane to me.

[Kalen Braley]

Actually it was a 13.8... not that getting your facts straight ever seemed very important to you. 

I'm up to a 14.2 now and still rising.  By KP I should be a solid 15.5