I got this email, which I have seen before, but thought some of you might enjoy it......
Subject: FW: Golf humor/truths
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in
your mind during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you
can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green
while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out,
you have two options: you can immediately shank a
lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and
top a ball halfway there.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to
share his ideas about the golf swing.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always
possible to play worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the
instant elimination of the one critical unconscious
motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your
many other errors.
If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie.
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach
shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your
opponents luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot
putt.....for an 8.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks
a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own
haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
It's not a gimme if you're still away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf
course is a straight line that passes directly through
the center of a very large tree.
There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and
bounces just the way you meant to play it.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a
two-inch branch 90% of the time.
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and
take it up at a much earlier age.
The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad
shot is actually the beginning of the next group of
three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will
always look down again at exactly the moment when you
ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to
see it again.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must
subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the
fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods
does, simply try to lay just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a players downswing,
multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap;
i.e., backswing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300
mph.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your
backswing at the top and checking the position of your
hands: how many hands you have, and which one is
wearing the glove.
Hazards attract, fairways repel.
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on
the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the
ball.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is
not yours. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball
in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both
balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw
it.