And now the 10 year olds...
I viewed the propery almost identical to Jim Colton. Treeless, sandy soils, fescue, walking only, private course. Clubhouse? Maintenance facilities? Range? Roads? Cement pond? Well, I either contemplated a low frills club or forgot to include them. Either way, it was obviously a big mistake since if I had gone Trump I'll bet I would have come in at least 8th. Anyway, here is my write up with logo, routing and hole cut-outs spliced into it. I have no pride, so feel free to trash me.
Ed
THE RECESSION CLUB
Inspired by God, conceived during prosperity and painstakingly brought to life with governmental funding at great taxpayer expense, The Recession Club is a reflection of our times. A place where the traditional values of the past merge with the realities of today. A destination club for those who no longer have a destination.
#1 “Liquidation” – 385 yard par 4
Some feel that an opening hole should be barren of any danger and gently ease the golfer into his round. But if we have learned anything from the current economic climate, it is that life is not without uncertainty. The same is true of the first hole at The Recession. A babbling brook comes into play both as a centerline hazard and as a crossing hazard. While environmental concerns would normally preclude tinkering with a flowing stream, the original owner of The Recession greased the palms of enough governmental officials to look the other way during construction. The result is a short opener hole with plenty of room on the right to play it safe away from the hazard while the more fearless golfer can challenge the hazard on the left for a favorable angle to attack the green which slants left to right.
#2 “Shortfall” – 150 yard par 3
The shortest of the par 3s is not without peril. The green sits on a subtle plateau and is broken into four distinct sections. Deep bunkers guard the green on all sides. While a good score is possible, missing the green or finding the wrong section of the green can lead to trouble.
#3 “Severance Package” – 400 yard par 4
From the tee, a small hill hides the right half of the fairway. The fairway bunkers are strategically positioned to peak around the hill so that they are visible from the tee and appear to define the right edge of the hole. In reality they are centerline and sever the fairway into halves. The effect is to steer the golfer to the inviting left side. However, the right side provides not only a better angle for the uphill approach but is also slightly raised to afford a better view of the flag. The green slants severely back to front and right to left. Experienced golfers know to use the slope to feed balls in from the right. The ground game lives at The Recession, even though most of our members are grounded by the economy.
#4 “Bailout” – 550 yard par 5
The first of the par 5s plays substantially downhill over rolling terrain. Tee shots down the left side can get a power boost which shortens the hole and affords an opportunity to go for the green in two. Conversely, drives down the right side will be challenged both literally and figuratively. The creek must be taken into account on both layup and approach shots. The proximity of the creek as it wraps around the green makes the right side (i.e., Republican) bailout area an appealing option for those with conservative tendencies.
#5 “Eviction”– 425 yard par 4
An uphill approach makes this medium length par 4 play longer than its yardage. The left side provides the best angle toward the green. But care must be taken to avoid the fairway bunker which is hidden in the landing zone beyond a small knoll. The two tier green has a severe false front which will kick out shots that are a bit short. Back left pin positions can be especially taxing, which is a concept our members are very familiar with.
#6 “Collection Call” – 170 yard par 3
The 6th plays slightly downhill from an elevated tee with a mid to short iron. The green slopes away from the tee from front to back and falls off on all sides. Shortly mown collection areas between the bunkers can make recovery shots an adventure.
#7 “Meltdown” – 440 yard par 4
While the landing area is blind from the tee, the green is in clear view in the distance. Members know to check the flag from the tee since a perpendicular ridge bisects the green, making hole location the key to whether the left or right side of the fairway offers the preferred line of approach. The green itself can be treacherous, with two putts no bargain.
#8 “Negative Equity” – 560 yard par 5
A strong par 5 that will play as a three shot hole for all but the biggest hitters. Fairway bunkers create a serpentine effect on an otherwise largely straight hole. A deep pot bunker short of the green is death. Golfers who land here will likely find the shot requires more than their game can handle. But those who successfully challenge the bunker and find the flat area short right of the green will be rewarded with a solid return on their investment in the form or a relatively straightforward pitch.
#9 “Foreclosure” – 475 yard par 4
Foreclosure is a bitch and so is the 9th at The Recession. The longest and most difficult par 4 on the course requires solid execution throughout in order to avoid disaster. A sharp dogleg, drives which are not properly slotted in the bend will be foreclosed from a direct line to the green. While the right side of the fairway is more open, it makes an already long hole virtually unreachable. The slope short and left of the green can be used to bounce balls onto the green in an effort to make up for lost ground. But many a golfer has walked off the 9th green feeling as if he has lost everything.
OUT (of money) - Par 36/3555 yards
#10 “Recovery” – 410 yard par 4
After the difficult finish to the front nine, the start to the back nine affords a chance to catch your breath. Players must skirt the left fairway bunker in order to get the best angle of approach. The undulating raised green is guarded by deep bunkers and runoffs.
#11 “Austerity” – 325 yard par 4
There is no “signature” hole at The Recession since our members generally don’t like to sign anything other than a deposit slip. But the short 11th surely draws the most attention. Modeled after the 10th at Riviera, the green is reachable from the tee. Holding it, however, is another matter entirely. Austere golfers will, therefore, layup short to the right side, leaving only a wedge with a clean look at the flag. The green itself is a sliver, severely canted from left to right.
#12 “Retool” – 220 yard par
In tough times, versatility equates to security. Every baseball team needs a utility infielder. The 12th at The Recession is our Jose Oquendo. The hole features three separate sets of tees from significantly different angles and distances. The 12th green is designed to fit the varying angles and distances with contours that create unique playing characteristics for each set of tees. The far right tees play the longest and allows for a straight shot to the right side of the green as well as running shots which feed back to the lower left level of the green. From the far left tees, a mid iron is the play to a green sloping back to front. And the center tee is designed for a short iron which must contend with the center bunker in order to get to any portion or tier of the green. In effect, the 12th is three holes in one. The club’s superintendent will set the lineup on a daily basis to the best of his abilities. It should be noted that The Recession is a walker’s paradise (we didn’t really have a choice since our members generally can’t afford carts or caddies). Proof positive of the course’s walkability is that the three sets of tees are fanned out around the 11th green so the walk is short regardless of which tees are played.
#13 “Stimulus” – 585 yard par 5
Slightly uphill, the longest of the par 5s plays even longer than the yardage on the card. A true three shotter, positioning the layup is the key to the 13th. A hill in the layup zone blocks the view to the green from the right side. Golfers must either carry the hill on the right or layup down the left side of the fairway to get an unobstructed view. The green is severely sloped back to front.
#14 “fiREDANdrehired” – 200 yard par 3
This classic reverse redan is a metaphor for the reversal of fortunes suffered by our members.
#15 “Bankrupt” – 530 yard par
The shortest par 5 offers a great chance at birdie. Reachable in two, golfers who challenge the left side can shorten the hole. But a miss left on any shot will roll down a severe bank and make reemergence difficult. The green is a cape design sloping right to left and protected by deep bunkers.
#16 “Lay Off” – 425 yard par 4
From the tee, the left side bunkers must be negotiated to find the ideal line of approach. The bunkerless green belies the difficulty of the crowned surface with fall offs on all sides. Par is always a good score here.
#17 “Downsize” – 235 yard par 3
The longest of the par 3s plays slightly downhill to a large green with sweeping contours. Budgetary constraints make fast and firm conditions the norm at The Recession by necessity if not by choice. So bouncing the ball in is a sound strategy. But going long could potentially be grounds for termination.
#18“Double Dip” – 450 yard par 4
Standing on the 18th tee at The Recession, it is easy to feel as if the worst is over and you are almost home free. But those who have been around the block a few times fear the double dip and tread lightly until the final stroke is holed. A solitary pot bunker guards the right side of the fairway and the preferred angle of approach. The green is an upside down Biarritz set at an angle which is best attacked from the right. The hump which divides the green into front and back halves can cause lofted shots to stop if landing into the upslope or scoot long if landing on the downslope. So the preferred shot to a back pin position is a running shot over the firm ground short of the green. There is no better feeling than seeing a well judged long iron release over the hump toward the hole. But end up on the wrong half of the green and The Recession can seem never ending.
IN (debt) - Par 35/3380 yards
TOTAL(ly broke) - Par 71/6935 yards