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TEPaul

If golf grass could speak?!
« on: January 20, 2008, 10:00:34 AM »
Can it speak?  ;)

And if so, what does it generally say?
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TEPaul

Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2008, 10:02:44 AM »
Are there any expert "grass whisperers" out there? If so, what language is it best in and how well does it understand American?
« Last Edit: January 20, 2008, 10:07:44 AM by TEPaul »
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JESII

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2008, 10:03:47 AM »
Scott's grass told me the other day that is was too freaking cold...
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John Kirk

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2008, 10:24:44 AM »
It says "Hungry dogs run faster" over and over.
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TEPaul

Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2008, 10:26:25 AM »
Sully:

I just told Joe Hancock on the IM that I'm really worried about my grass being too cold too. Do you think I should get all the blankets I have and go over there and tuck it in? Maybe a couple of thousand pots of hot chocolate too?

What do you think?

The poor dears are probably freezing their little stolins off.  
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Joe Hancock

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2008, 10:36:27 AM »
All I know is it helps the surrounding turf stand up straighter when I'm doing the divot sniffing thing.....

More of a non-verbal communication....

 :)
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" What the hell is the point of architecture and excellence in design if a "clever" set up trumps it all?" Peter Pallotta, June 21, 2016

"People aren't picking a side of the fairway off a tee because of a randomly internally contoured green ."  jeffwarne, February 24, 2017

TEPaul

Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2008, 10:44:29 AM »
Joe:

Would you say you feel comfortable doing your divot sniffing thing in any company?

Look, I just hate it when some of the contributors on here take a really serious subject on a bunch of humorous tangents. That really pisses me off.

Tell us something like when grass is stressed golfers can notice that their footprints don't recover.

Stuff like that.

Or even stuff like when you throw a live lobster into boiling water apparently you can her them squeek. Doesn't grass do things like that too?

I bet some of your grass has given you the finger when your back was turned. Didn't you ever notice that?
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Garland Bayley

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2008, 10:58:13 AM »
Must be the middle of January on GCA.com
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"I enjoy a course where the challenges are contained WITHIN it, and recovery is part of the game  not a course where the challenge is to stay ON it." Jeff Warne

Dean Paolucci

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2008, 11:06:23 AM »
"Poa Annua phone home"  8)
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"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."  --  Mark Twain

Kalen Braley

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2008, 12:00:45 PM »
Quote from: Garland Bayley on January 20, 2008, 10:58:13 AM
Must be the middle of January on GCA.com


Amen to that one Garland....

If grass on a golf course could speak though it would likely say something like:

"Please don't take a divot, just pick it clean!!"
« Last Edit: January 20, 2008, 12:07:31 PM by Kalen Braley »
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JSlonis

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2008, 12:06:28 PM »
Unfortunately, at many courses I play, it says..."Hey, enough already with the water."
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John Kirk

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2008, 12:12:56 PM »
...which segues nicely into an explanation of my "hungry dogs run faster" remark.  Lean and mean, with scant inputs of water and fertilizers, seem to offer the best playing conditions for golfers.  Similarly, human beings, including myself, tend to eat and drink too much for their own good.
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JohnH

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2008, 12:37:15 PM »
Quote from: John Kirk on January 20, 2008, 10:24:44 AM
It says "Hungry dogs run faster" over and over.

Truer words were never spoken....

Personally, I think grass would say "thanks for going spikeless."
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Matt_Cohn

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2008, 12:49:58 PM »
"ouch"
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Joe Hancock

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2008, 12:51:41 PM »
"Hurt me, beat me, whip me, make me grow deep roots..."
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" What the hell is the point of architecture and excellence in design if a "clever" set up trumps it all?" Peter Pallotta, June 21, 2016

"People aren't picking a side of the fairway off a tee because of a randomly internally contoured green ."  jeffwarne, February 24, 2017

Norbert P

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2008, 01:49:38 PM »
Quote from: TEPaul on January 20, 2008, 10:02:44 AM
. . . does it understand American?

"Don't tread on me."

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"Golf is only meant to be a small part of one’s life, centering around health, relaxation and having fun with friends/family." R"C"M

John Gosselin

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2008, 02:10:20 PM »
Superintendents hate when it says goodbye. Usually said in sign language.
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Great golf course architects, like great poets, are born, note made.
Meditations of a Peripatetic Golfer 1922

RJ_Daley

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #17 on: January 20, 2008, 02:16:55 PM »
John Kirk, aren't you the one with the theory of the longer the ball is in motion after being struck (presumably with a lot of ground running time) the more exciting the golf course?  Now, with your 'hungary dogs run faster" analogy, I am begining to think you missed your vocational calling.  You are a turf whisperer!   ;) ;D

Joe, sounds more like a turf yodeler... ::) ;D 8)
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TEPaul

Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #18 on: January 20, 2008, 02:31:51 PM »
"John Kirk, aren't you the one with the theory of the longer the ball is in motion after being struck (presumably with a lot of ground running time) the more exciting the golf course?"


Now that is a really wonderful thought. I wish I'd thought of that.

It occured to me a few years ago that when one talks about what really ideal firm and fast (generally "through the green") means (IMM) the only real way to explain it quantitively was to talk about and basically measure the bounce and roll and runout in yards.

But John Kirk's idea is much better. We can qualify and quantify ideal degrees of firm and fast (IMM) with a God-danged STOPWATCH!!

I love this stuff and I love this site and some of the participants. Some are most creative!

John Kirk, you are an unmitigated genius!!

How's your course playing?
Well, I hit a shot today that took 19 1/2 seconds to come to rest!

I love it!
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RJ_Daley

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #19 on: January 20, 2008, 03:02:08 PM »
Tom, you really need to start putting more time on GCA.com.   ;) ;D  That theory of John Kirk's has been around here, often discussed dozens of times over the years.  I forget what Adam calls it, (something like the "unified theory of motion" or "time in motion continuum")  

But, no matter, I agree he is a genius to come up with that one.  It totally captures and quanitifies firm and fast on the fun-o-meter. ;D
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John Kirk

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #20 on: January 20, 2008, 04:24:37 PM »
It had also escaped me that my little saying also inferred "faster", which we like.

I learned that saying from our star center on the college basketball team, who was a country boy from the outskirts of Sacramento.  He once said "hungry dogs run faster" because he thought you should eat a light meal before a game.  I didn't follow his advice very well, but I never forgot the amusing remark.

It's funny how the brain recalls stuff.  I read Tom's thread this morning.  It's sort of a meaningless thread in my opinion, but the saying, which comes to mind every year or two, just moved to the top of the hopper.  I just love the effortless manner that the brain pulls information out.
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RJ_Daley

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #21 on: January 20, 2008, 04:26:44 PM »
Quote
I just love the effortless manner that the brain pulls information out.

Speak for your self, young man!   ::) ;) ;D
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John Kirk

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2008, 04:31:41 PM »
I'll amend to reflect reality, that it sometimes pulls effortlessly.
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James Bennett

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Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #23 on: January 20, 2008, 05:40:55 PM »
TE Paul

faster means slower.  The quicker a playing surface, the longer it takes for the ball to come to a stop.

In lawn bowls, they don't use a stimpmeter to emasure green speed - they time a regular draw shot (or a backhand, which is not a fade shot) on the length of the green.  Quicker greens take a longer period of time to stop (say 15 seconds) whilst slower greens might run at 10 seconds.

James B
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Bob; its impossible to explain some of the clutter that gets recalled from the attic between my ears. .  (SL Solow)

TEPaul

Re:If golf grass could speak?!
« Reply #24 on: January 21, 2008, 12:33:29 PM »
"TE Paul
faster means slower.  The quicker a playing surface, the longer it takes for the ball to come to a stop."


I realize that James, but the important question is does slower also mean faster?

Perhaps not. Perhaps we should just say faster means longer and longer means faster and just be done with it.

;)


That sort of reminds me of an impromptu remark that someone said years ago during a practice round of Davis Love III at Pine Valley during the Walker Cup.

Word of his extreme and ultra length had gotten around the country enough at that time despite the fact he was still a junior or whatever at UNC and a good number of people came over to watch.

Of course noone had ever seen length like that despite the fact that he never hit anything but irons, generally hitting that Ping Beryllium 1 iron from the tees.

And my recollection is he hit just about every shot perfect. But when he teed it up on #18 he hit one that got to super high hooking once it got out there a ways like you couldn't believe. It looked like it was rising over the trees on the left and about to rocket down #9.

I've never known the directions very well when I'm on that course but one of the spectators bellowed "I hope that doesn't kill somebody in Atlantic City!"
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