I first met Neil Regan about 2008. He had come out to Ballyneal for an event, and stayed for an extra couple of days afterwards. My wife and I also happened to stay after, so by serendipity we spent a couple days with Neil, playing golf and eating meals together. We stayed in touch every now and then since. I traveled back east a couple times for golf, and contacted him once to see if I could stop by and say hello. We spent the afternoon playing the East course at Winged Foot. A nice day, with Neil playing show and tell, and suggesting the occasional approach shot length putt. In addition to the top-notch golf, Winged Foot has an enviable social scene on a late summer afternoon.
I hadn't talked to him for years when he emailed me in late 2018 or 2019. He and a buddy were on their way to Nebraska to play golf with friends. He asked if I could host him at Ballyneal, and whether I would be there on a given date. I hadn't planned on being there, but thought it was worth making a special trip to see him. I quickly arranged a three-day visit and flew/drove out there. The details are fuzzy, but as always it was a friendly, nice day. He was kind enough to bring me a gift, a golf cap from his golf club. They spent the night, and we had breakfast together before they took off for the rest of their trip. Afterwards, he sent me a thank you note via email.
Remembering this story made me think about the nice invitations I've received to play golf since I joined GCA in 2004. I was always very cautious about asking to play, but I did ask a few times ten to twenty years ago. I don't like asking anymore. If I am traveling to a friend's hometown, I might contact them and ask if they'd like to get together for a meal or something. If they want to play golf, great...let's do it. One of the things I've learned about these reciprocal relationships is the attention to the minor details of friendship. Everything is quite formal. I've received some thoughtful gifts as a guest, and have sent gifts as a gesture of friendship after enjoying an invitation. Handwritten thank you notes are exchanged and appreciated. These small niceties play a role in establishing friends in golf.
This train of thought made me think about the times I've received invitations where I could have done more to be a good guest. I can think of a couple times in Chicagoland where I probably fell a bit short. Some days you just aren't as cheerful or thoughtful. Sometimes you can't think of a great gift. To those few people who have taken their time to meet me and show me a great golf course, I am very grateful. I strive to be a good guest, and a generous but unobtrusive host. Like Neil Regan. Neil Regan was part of that thoughtful, classy world. Always formal but never stuffy or pretentious.