OT. Should we have a thread discussing our personal mental health demons?

[John Kavanaugh]

The refuge did and I learned a lot about people I didn't know. I believe it contributed to civility.

[Ian Mackenzie]

I have always been afraid of hitting over water as I believe that trolls live under bridges and, after every shot, have nothing better to do than jump out and just say the first thing that pops into their head...

[John Kavanaugh]

Many of us have experienced personal loss because loved ones and acquaintances suffered in silence. I hope future contributors to this thread understand the gravity of the situation.

[Tim Martin]

I get anxious when I know I’ll be visiting a Comfort Station at a Discovery Land course.

[Rob Marshall]

Many of us have experienced personal loss because loved ones and acquaintances suffered in silence. I hope future contributors to this thread understand the gravity of the situation.

Last week I attended the calling hours for a 28 year who had mental health issues. He lost the battle with his demons and took his own life. There is nothing funny about mental health issues. Nothing...

[Mike Hendren]

John, knowing you I  will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are serious in your question and have good intentions. 


I can only speak frankly for myself - it is a huge challenge to put one's mental  health into words even with a most valued confidante. In a discussion group, forget about it.   This is a topic that should not devolve into witty banter as much as I like that. 


Kindest regards,


Mike

[Tim Martin]

No disrespect intended on my post # 3.

[Brad Lawrence]

I’ve had so little confidence on a tee shot that my swing thought was to not have an embarrassing temper tantrum as I see the ball sail over the fence out of bounds.

[John Kavanaugh]

This as is any day a good day to remember Mark Brown.


https://www.golfclubatlas.com/forum/index.php/topic,22287.0.html

[Ian Mackenzie]

Many of us have experienced personal loss because loved ones and acquaintances suffered in silence. I hope future contributors to this thread understand the gravity of the situation.

JK - i seriously thought this was about demons that visit us on golf courses.
My fault and I apologize.

[Michael Wharton-Palmer]

I have struggled with some issues over the past decade. Most of mine were actually golf realted that I then allowed creep into my life in general
Sought out good help and well on the road to recovery.
Love the game again and the most important question I have answered is my WHY..WHY do I love the game? That had become lost, distorted and I then allowed that anxiety creep slowly into everyday life.


Not so sure I agree with Mike H...sometimes sharing with folks on sites like this can be very helpful.
After all it is a choice to post or not.
Personally it helps me, reminds me of the journey I am on and reinforces all the positive things that I have achieved during this process..


It may seem rather trivial and needless to some reading this, to me it was very real and miserable.

[Tommy Williamsen]

I spent 45 years listening to my folks, in my study or in their homes. I discovered that being truly present with someone is more important than what I said. Years later fewer people said, "That thing you told me changed my life" than said, "Thanks for listening to me and being there for me."


Norwegians have two sports, cross country skiing and depression. I was better at the second. Between, prayer, therapy, and meds I do ok. My congregation knew. Some didn't get it but others found comfort because I could understand a bit about where they were. I feel bad for a young person like Osaka that has to share their struggle so publicly.

[Kalen Braley]

Even if super OT, its an interesting topic because many think that just because they've never felt like they have mental issues, much less been diagnosed, that they don't have any.

While I'm sure some would claim such, I'm not aware of any one person who doesn't have some type of mental health issue whether externally noticeable or not.  To boot, our mental condition is never static, its constantly changing and adapting in both positive and negative ways.

[Tom_Doak]

I spent 45 years listening to my folks, in my study or in their homes. I discovered that being truly present with someone is more important than what I said. Years later fewer people said, "That thing you told me changed my life" than said, "Thanks for listening to me and being there for me."


Norwegians have two sports, cross country skiing and depression. I was better at the second. Between, prayer, therapy, and meds I do ok. My congregation knew. Some didn't get it but others found comfort because I could understand a bit about where they were. I feel bad for a young person like Osaka that has to share their struggle so publicly.

Tommy:


The first half of your post is so important, and SO hard to learn.  When someone confides in us, there is a natural instinct to want to help them, but often that is the last thing they need.  They need to talk it through so they can help themselves.


As someone who is modestly in the public eye, I can only imagine what it’s like for Naomi Osaka.  I’ve done hundreds of interviews in my life, and been amazed to read the results later:  some used nothing we discussed and produced a story they could have written from a Google search, while others (including very well known writers) just made up quotes from me to help make their point for them. 


I’ve also been subjected to a fair amount of amateur psychoanalysis in print - going all the way back to my early days when writers wondered how an awkward twenty something was designing courses and writing books - but I have noticed that the writers who go that direction are the very last people I would ever think of confiding in with my personal thoughts.


When younger I would sometimes react emotionally to something written that I thought was wrong or unfair, but nothing good ever came from responding - most writers double down when they think they’ve hit a nerve, instead of reflecting. I’ve learned to accept that whatever certain writers say may be more about their own mental health issues than it it is about mine.     But that’s why most athletes have honed the craft of the bland and meaningless postgame interview, or worse yet, the approved corporate bafflegab.


The nice thing about doing our podcasts with Andy Johnson is that people get to hear me in my own voice, instead of through the filter of a writer who may have other competing interests.

[Ian Andrew]

I can only speak frankly for myself - it is a huge challenge to put one's mental  health into words even with a most valued confidante. In a discussion group, forget about it.

There have been some recent movements to end the stigma of mental illness and encourage people to get help.
Canada has the End the Stigma Campaign.

The Golf Superintendent community has been particularly proactive in trying to help with mental health.
I was impressed that they were looking at mental health issues and essentially offered to share mine.

I wrote this because someone might relate and be encouraged to get the assistance that make's a difference.
I'm long past the embarrassment phase that was the main reason for my initial hesitation on trying to get help.

https://www.golfcourseindustry.com/article/ian-andrew-turfheads-takeover/

[PCCraig]

If anyone on GCA is ever going through a hard time, and wants to talk, I'm always happy to do so. In all seriousness send me a personal message and we will find a time to talk.

[Peter Sayegh]

JK, no. If that knowledge encourages/reminds us all to be civil to one another in this group, it's kinda sad.

However, this thread did provide PCCraig to post the single best response I've ever read in this discussion group.
Thanks PC.
Peter

[Mike Hendren]

My post was misunderstood. I’m quite open about my rather minor challenges. I simply find them indescribable.


Kindest regards,


Mike

[Rob Marshall]

I can only speak frankly for myself - it is a huge challenge to put one's mental  health into words even with a most valued confidante. In a discussion group, forget about it.

There have been some recent movements to end the stigma of mental illness and encourage people to get help.
Canada has the End the Stigma Campaign.

The Golf Superintendent community has been particularly proactive in trying to help with mental health.
I was impressed that they were looking at mental health issues and essentially offered to share mine.

I wrote this because someone might relate and be encouraged to get the assistance that make's a difference.
I'm long past the embarrassment phase that was the main reason for my initial hesitation on trying to get help.

https://www.golfcourseindustry.com/article/ian-andrew-turfheads-takeover/

Great article Ian. Thanks for sharing.

[Tom_Doak]

Ian:


That’s a very good article.  I gravitated toward this business instead of more serious things, partly because I knew I would never be able to wear a suit and sit in an office all day.  I had to be outdoors and moving around.


I thought all architects walked around the site all day!  Some don’t?

[Angela Moser]

Way OT, but so necessary to talk about in our society in general.


The one part I learned over the past years is that every one of us has demons but is mostly too afraid to free ourselves and be honest and share our experiences. So I have the most significant respect for Ian for stepping up and out of the shadow, sharing his experience, his path, and I am glad to hear that you are doing so much better, Ian!


We all have shadows, things that trigger us because of our past. Ian described in his article a worksheet from Byron Katie, which puts you straight back into the now and makes you realize that the situation that triggered you now has mostly nothing to do with your past. The mind can be a bitch!
Allowing to express oneself fully, from negative feelings like anger, fear, shame, pain, guilt to the most positives joy, laughter, passion, and love, is another fragment of our society that is suppressing ourselves from childhood and feeds the demons for a lifetime. It bottles one up, not being able to breathe, not expressing oneself, even to the loved ones. In that, there is only loneliness. Gabor Mate is talking very intensively, shocking but honest, in his recent movie "The Wisdom of Trauma."


Talking helps, but only when you find people who genuinely take their time, only listen, and don't give you tips on handling things. After that, you will have to find your own way. Having true and honest friends who can hold your space helps a lot, especially when walking in nature (preferably golf courses . Having authentic and genuine friends who show up, are truly present (referring to Tommy here), care, hug you (which is so harsh about Covid), and look you deep into your eyes because they care is the best medicine. Any type of movement is better than sitting still...

[Michael Wharton-Palmer]

Way OT, but so necessary to talk about in our society in general.


The one part I learned over the past years is that every one of us has demons but is mostly too afraid to free ourselves and be honest and share our experiences. So I have the most significant respect for Ian for stepping up and out of the shadow, sharing his experience, his path, and I am glad to hear that you are doing so much better, Ian!


We all have shadows, things that trigger us because of our past. Ian described in his article a worksheet from Byron Katie, which puts you straight back into the now and makes you realize that the situation that triggered you now has mostly nothing to do with your past. The mind can be a bitch!
Allowing to express oneself fully, from negative feelings like anger, fear, shame, pain, guilt to the most positives joy, laughter, passion, and love, is another fragment of our society that is suppressing ourselves from childhood and feeds the demons for a lifetime. It bottles one up, not being able to breathe, not expressing oneself, even to the loved ones. In that, there is only loneliness. Gabor Mate is talking very intensively, shocking but honest, in his recent movie "The Wisdom of Trauma."


Talking helps, but only when you find people who genuinely take their time, only listen, and don't give you tips on handling things. After that, you will have to find your own way. Having true and honest friends who can hold your space helps a lot, especially when walking in nature (preferably golf courses . Having authentic and genuine friends who show up, are truly present (referring to Tommy here), care, hug you (which is so harsh about Covid), and look you deep into your eyes because they care is the best medicine. Any type of movement is better than sitting still...

big thumbs up

[Joe Hellrung]

It may be worth mentioning here Tom Coyne's excellent piece entitled "The Lucky Ones" and accompanying podcast (Episode 71) both originally published in The Golfer's Journal (subscription required - I won't post here out of respect for TGJ's copyright).  Tom goes into detail about the sizable golf league that has formed in Philadelphia comprised of recovering addicts, and how they draw strength from each other, and celebrate sobriety through camaraderie on the golf course.  I can't summarize the article and do it any justice, but it is worth subscribing to TGJ just to read it. 

My favorite thing about golf and as someone who enjoys GCA is the people I've met along the way.  I wouldn't have read this article had it not been for someone who hosted me during a golf trip, which is meaningful in itself, but I think it is an incredibly moving example of how golf can bring people together.  I go on an annual buddies trip and always come home feeling refreshed in the knowledge that I'm not alone in my own struggles with life's obstacles.  Coyne's article is a similar illustration of how people can draw strength from each other when it comes to mental health. 

[Tommy Williamsen]

I don't want to get all religious in this thread, but as a very retired Lutheran pastor, some of the most troubling judgements come from a few religious people. It goes like this, "If you had more faith, you wouldn't be depressed or..."  Faith is not an inoculation from personal troubles. Christians have struggled with mental difficulties from St. Paul to Augustine to Luther. Luther struggled so much at one point that he was incapacitated. Henri Nouwen was one of the most widely read contemporary Catholic authors. He wrote from a very personal spiritual and wounded place. His authenticity resonated with millions because he showed how woundedness, prayer, and spiritual depth intersect in the heart.[/font]
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If faith does anything it allows us to hope and understand that we are not alone; that there is numinous and luminous presence that can lift us when we cannot stand and carry us when we cannot walk. In my own struggle I am reminded that that I am part of the family of humankind and that personal struggles are a part of the fabric that binds us together.[/font]

[Matt Frey, PGA]

I started writing this post with the intention of including a few short points about my own experiences, as I have found hearing about how others work to improve their lives helps me with my processes. However, I got on a roll and just kept going. It’s long, but it was cathartic. Feel free to skip over this one if you’re not interested.

…..

I struggle with depression and anxiety. In some instances, I am able to identify what may have triggered new bouts of such, but oftentimes, episodes pop up. Sometimes they’re slow to metastasis, other times, they come out of nowhere. The feeling of dread and sadness can last minutes or weeks, and it can be terrible for not just myself, but those around me. My typical reaction is to become antisocial, quiet, and wall myself off from the world, which is convenient and easy, but often not always best, as I tend to stew.

Getting out of my funks can be tricky. Sometimes it's as simple as taking a leisurely stroll, a run, meditating, working on a jigsaw puzzle, or listening to music. Sometimes it just takes days along with trial and error for it to go away on its own. It’s frustrating. Professional therapy definitely helps, but for the average person like myself, visiting a therapist anytime they wish is not possible. But one thing always does seem to help, even for just a short time: golf.

It should not be a shock to most people on this board that the game of golf can help improve my mood. I am sure playing golf improves the mood of almost everyone here, whether they know have things to sort out, or they don’t. What golf provides is different for everyone, or even each situation.

There have been times, even very recently, where I have been unmotivated to do anything, much less play golf. However, the game that always seems to bring people back works its magic and somehow convinces me to go out for another round. There is no one solution to improving my mood on the golf course, at least for me. I do not belong to a private club or have a regular haunt, and thus, rarely play the same course more than a few times per year.

On occasion, it’s the course itself. A well-designed golf course, particularly one that is well suited to its setting, can be breathtaking, awe-inspiring, a marvel, or just plain fun, much like a piece of art. A discussion that occurs on this site regularly: art, function, and engineering, melded into one. Personally, rounds on golf courses that have helped lift my spirits include Knoll West (a round this year) in Jersey and Westport on the Adirondack Coast.

While these two courses may not be at the very top of any ranking or featured very frequently in architectural digests, but hell, they are engaging. Going into each round under a bit of a cloud (ironically it was rainy on both days), I didn’t expect much, even though they were both courses I’ve wanted to see for some time. It didn’t take long for the course to take hold of me, and focus only on it. At Knoll West, it was tee shot placement and which portion of the green to aim for. Had it not been for the hour, I would have inquired about going around again. At Westport, it was the imposing mountain dome, hovering close to the ever-firm, ever-strategic golf course, yet appearing so far that you longed to be among their rolling sides. By the time I finished my round, which, for the first time seeing the course, was pretty decent for my standards, a 79, I was ready for a hearty lunch and a beer, while continuing to digest the course I had just played. I felt so good leaving the course, I stopped to play a nine-holer, Cobble Hill, a course built in 1896 that featured solid golf holes, a better price, and just enough quirk to make you really smile and as you enjoy yourself. It turned out to be a beautiful day.

In some ways golf is a solitary game. There are times, particularly for a regular player, where you can enjoy the game alone by yourself. I like to play with people, but sometimes, you are your own best golf partner. Playing alone, especially on an empty or near-empty course, can be healing. Having worked in the golf industry in some form or fashion since high school, I’ve had several of these recharging experiences, highlighted by a round at Malone Golf Club.

While it’s hardly the most difficult job in the world, much less New York State, being a PGA Professional is not easy. Mostly, long hours and popular times. It’s being “on” all the time. A lot of golf professionals swear by the curing power of the range picker (I am one also), but nothing beats a round, or even a few holes, on an empty course, by yourself. I cannot say what was bothering me in 2012, but I was definitely not feeling it. I decided to go out for a few holes in the evening, as there was extra coverage in the golf shop, but still plenty of carts on the back nine. When you’re alone you can immerse yourself in your swing, your score, the course, or nature. I finished nine with plenty of time to spare to send home a cart kid and wait for the last groups to come in. To my surprise, I had exited my funk, after seemingly not done anything of note, and was excited for work the next day.

Perhaps the aspect of golf that seems to help the most, is the company. Playing partners are as important to the game as the ball itself. They are your friends, your best friends, acquaintances, colleagues, neighbors, and complete strangers. They can make your round an absolute delight, or make you want to quit the game. Some of my favorite, most memorable rounds, came on poorly-designed or beyond benign golf courses, or bad scores, or both!

One such instance was a round of golf at one of two golf courses (you can take your pick of two similar days). Bad work, bad week, bad mood, long drive, bad golf course. Motivation was not on my side for anything but bed. But away I went, with two of my best partners, Joe Bausch and Mike Cirba. The combination of our terrible commitment on worse swings and our distaste for the course design made us giddy. It by the 12th hole, we were laughing at every dumb thing. I forgot I was even sad. There is nothing better than a round of golf with good people.

I’ll finish with one last story: my round of golf at Yeaman’s Hall. Having worked at Camargo, and remaining very close with the PGA Head Professional there, I had been wishing to see Yeaman’s for some time. My bride and I were in Myrtle Beach with my in-laws, and I was fortunate enough to have an invitation to play at the club, scheduled to be one of the first groups out. The night before, I had a severe panic attack that seemingly lasted hours. I couldn’t calm down, my mind was racing, I was becoming physically ill, and I certainly couldn’t sleep. I was in as dark a place as I’ve ever been.

As my symptoms began to wear down, and not being sure of another opportunity to play Yeaman’s, I hopped in the car while it was still dark out, and made the drive south. I was still pretty jittery and worked up. I got less than a couple of hours of actual sleep, leaving me exhausted. I actually had to pull over to get something to drink and munch on just to wake me up a little bit. As I pulled up to the club’s quaint gatehouse, I was thinking less about the course and my round, and more about just getting through it without a flare up.

I knew a couple of the PGA Assistant Professionals, via our Camaro connection, and their familiar faces helped ease my stress a bit. By the time I teed off on No. 2, playing alongside an assistant and two members, my mood began to improve. The round turned out to be a mix of all three aspects I’ve previously described. As a surprise to no one, the course was fantastic. Firm, fast, strategic, and beautiful. I was engaged in my shot process as I ever had been, the tee balls in particular. Surprisingly, my swing also felt good. My tempo was relaxed and I was (mostly) hitting the shots I wanted to; my score was surprisingly good, a 76 if I recall correctly. Lastly, while the course was assuredly not empty, I played near the end of the members’ offseason, so it was far from crowded, allowing meditative time to myself in between the delightful conversations I had with my playing partners. The perfect combination erased my worries in a matter of hours. While the panic attack was still fresh in my mind, the physical and debilitating mental aspects seemed long gone.

Without a doubt, golf has saved a lot of people, and I use the game not just for entertainment anymore, but as a form of therapy. It has the power to relax, put things into perspective, and allows me to enjoy what’s presented. I hope others here feel the same way.