Funny golf stories

[archie_struthers]

 


During this time appreciate Ran letting us go off the program a bit.


So I thought some funny golf stories would be enjoyed by many. Try to make them personal and not ones heard about ....nah, write whatever you think as long as it's a funny golf story.

[John Kavanaugh]

Given your vast experience in the game I’d love to know your best trick on how to get out of listening to a boring golf story.

[archie_struthers]

 


The key is to not get trapped in a corner. Best defense I've seen was by Tim DeBaufre, a great local pro who made a quick trip to the tour back in the 1960's. When you started to tell him about how you played he would simply say just need the number!

[jeffwarne]

The key is to not get trapped in a corner. Best defense I've seen was by Tim DeBaufre, a great local pro who made a quick trip to the tour back in the 1960's. When you started to tell him about how you played he would just say just need the number!

"if we're going all 18 I'm gonna need a cart or a caddie..."

[Mike_Trenham]

The key is to not get trapped in a corner. Best defense I've seen was by Tim DeBaufre, a great local pro who made a quick trip to the tour back in the 1960's. When you started to tell him about how you played he would just say just need the number!

"if we're going all 18 I'm gonna need a cart or a caddie..."

Or


“If were going all 18 holes my rate is $80”

[John Kavanaugh]

I once had a caddie stop our entire group so he could tell his favorite joke. As it turns out the punch line was clearly offensive. As we continued down the fairway I waited until we were where no one could here us an I calmly told him that I was married to a woman of color and neither she or my children would appreciate his little joke. I explained to him that I have made similar mistakes in my life and just wanted him to understand that you need to be more careful in front of a group of strangers. You might have imagined his reaction. It only got better as he went to each of my guests and apologized for possibly offending me. I don't recall exactly how long we made the kid suffer but I doubt I ever had to hear a lame joke from a caddie at my club again.

[V. Kmetz]

Given your vast experience in the game I’d love to know your best trick on how to get out of listening to a boring golf story.

Or a boring golf story about how to avoid a boring golf story...

[Philip Gordillo]

Best story I've ever heard came from this newspaper article:


“The train tracks at Baton Rouge’s City Park golf course pass next to Hole No. 8, but well below the fairway, which provides a perfect hiding place. Years ago the tee box was next to Dalrymple Drive, which produced a very long par three hole with a blind shot to the green.


“When the pro started getting an inordinate amount of holes-in-one reported there, he became suspicious and staked out the hole.


“Apparently some youngsters had been playing a prank on golfers by hiding on the tracks and putting any ball that hit the green in the hole without the golfer seeing them.


“There are probably still golfers around who are not sure if they really had a hole-in-one there.”

[Tim Leahy]

Somebody post a link to the bunny story from Pebble Beach. Always makes me smile.

[Pete_Pittock]

Somebody post a link to the bunny story from Pebble Beach. Always makes me smile.

If found it in less than a minute using the search engine.

[Pat Burke]

I got 4500 frequent flier miles between Doral and Honda my rookie year in 1990


Monday qualified for Doral. Missed cut by 1 or 2.  Stayed and practiced at my dads course in Hollywood the weekend


Played Monday qualifier for Honda shot 68 and missed.  Checked in at tournament and was informed I was 13th alternate.  Made plans to fly home Tuesday


Checked again on Tuesday morning and was still 13 alternate and went for an afternoon flight to Los Angeles


Had to fly through Chicago to LA.  Flight was delayed for snow.  Flight Chicago to LA missed.  Caught later flight which was delayed as well and finally got to LA and Home in bed at about 230am


Woke up to phone ringing at about 6:45am and the tour telling me I got in as an alternate.  Weather turned to crap and 13 guys withdrew!


Got on a flight late morning to Miami non stop and arrived weds evening and tees it up Thursday morning for the first round


Never saw TPC Eagle Trace before first round, played ok but missed cut by a shot


But got closer to some upgrades! 


Pretty well summed up my rookie year!

[Joe Bausch]

I've had Archie tell this one in person a couple of times, from his childhood caddy days.  It never gets old.

I'm about 13 and sitting in the caddy yard, which was attached to the clubhouse but was more akin to a cattle pen, with an eight-foot stockade fence all around. It was early Saturday (about 7am) and we had a decent group of guys sitting around reading the newspapers, playing cards and waiting to go out. The caddy master Ken had just stuck his nose in to see how many troops were available. He was happy to have a full regiment ready to go on this nice summer morning.

Just then one of the older loopers said they had just spied Manny S. and Sid R. heading for the 1st tee. Oh my, Manny and Sid, two high handicappers with big Burton bags and a well-deserved reputation as the most penurious members at Woodcrest. When Kenny walked back in to choose a victim, he found just one lone guy and tumbleweeds, lol!  He didn't recognize the guy, but Manny and Sid didn't tip him either, so off they went with the mystery looper.

I had followed all the others climbing out of the pen to make sure we missed Manny and Sid. It was amazing the dexterity some of the older caddies showed clambering over the fence, or under it. Quite remarkable the evacuation was, silent and immediate.

We all watched from various vantage points as Ken sent the lone looper to the tee with Manny and Sid. He then returned to the now full yard and asked a couple of the veterans if they knew the guy he had just sent out. All demurred. No doubt the two didn't tip Kenny too well either, so he wasn't too concerned at the time.

About a half hour goes by and all of a sudden in come Manny and Sid, huffing and puffing and screaming to high heaven, all they had was their putters. It seems the looper went out to forecaddie on number two, didn't leave drivers and just disappeared. Legend has it he had an accomplice, or a car parked out on the street near the second and just took the bags, clubs and whatever else he could and never was seen again.

When Ken stopped yelling at all us for hiding, he started laughing so hard he cried, as did all the rest of us!

[Ronald Montesano]

a good story makes you chuckle and reminds you of a long-forgotten vocabulary word from our rich language.


2 points for that story.

[archie_struthers]

 


Rocky Carbone is a legendary caddie at PVGC. Not the best green reader, not the best with yardage but definitely one of the funniest guys ever. He was always on the caddie masters shit list but secretly they probably enjoyed him too.


Rocky and his group are on the 17th fairway when a wicked thunderstorm pops in. The caddies say hurry there is a shelter hidden behind the 11th tee. It's about 200 yards away and everyone breaks into a sprint. One of the players grabs one of Rocky's bags to help. The other caddie is sprinting to the shelter with his  bags. Another player is running with him but struggling to keep up. They all safely arrive at the shelter.  Rocky finally gets his wind back, looks at the player and says " let's talk about you  being a track star in college "   

[Tim Martin]

After our host and two other players three putt the 1st hole at Westchester CC there is some grumbling walking to the second tee. The caddie remarks “You guys know that three putting is a lot like masterbation right? You feel bad about it but you know you are going to do it again.”

[JMEvensky]

"if we're going all 18 I'm gonna need a cart or a caddie..."

Haven't heard that one but along the same line-- I once watched the Head Pro tell the storyteller to wait, walk into/out of his office with his golf shoes, and say "if we're going hole by hole I need to put on a pair of spikes".

[archie_struthers]

 


Jeff and JM  you got me laughing !

[Bob Montle]

Not funny perhaps, but a story about Old Tom Morris:

Tom always believed in going about with a little handful of sand, filling up the little holes and bare places on the greens.
When the players would pass remarks about the sand making their putts difficult, Tom would say, "Ah, tut, tut, sand
is the life of the greens.  It is just like a man getting a good diet of meat. The greens always want to be fed, as do we when we are hungry."

[jeffwarne]

Jeff and JM  you got me laughing !

Just wait till I retire....

[Michael Moore]

One afternoon at Webhannet I was paired with two brothers originally from Kennebunkport. They had an unusual last name, and it turned out that, yes, my brother had dated their sister in 1984, so we got off on a positive and familiar note.
 
As we went around the front, they were both playing to about a 22 handicap and keeping up an engaging conversation. One brother owned an architectural salvage shop, which I find fascinating, so we got pretty deep into that. Finally, on the seventh hole I turned to the other and asked him about his work.
 
"I'm the head pro at Wellesley Country Club."
 
"Uuuhhh . . . errrr . . . pardon me for saying so, but you kind of suck. How on earth did you become the pro?"
 
"I'm the tennis pro!"
 
We all had a good laugh and continued on.

[archie_struthers]

 


Al Besselink, the A player on team New Jersey was a legendary character. He was born and grew up in Merchantville, NJ and famously lived a life like few others. He had a marvelous short game for a big guy and won 20 events on tour.


He had quite a way with the ladies and for a while dated Terry Moore a beautiful actress. He once said that he just couldn't understand that she dumped him for another guy as what could he have that I don't.


The guy         Howard Hughes!      

[Bernie Bell]

Legend has it that he developed his short game chipping into empty Campbell's Soup cans on his back yard "course."  Doesn't get more South Jersey than that (if true).

[archie_struthers]

 


Always loved the famous Augusta gambling story. A new member was heard bitching that he couldn't get a game with any action. He was heard to say they played for a lot more back at his home club.


Jackson Stephens the chairman got word of this and caught the member one day at Augusta and asked him how he was doing being a new member and all. He reiterated that he loved the golf course but couldn't get anyone to play for anything. Stephens, a billionaire said he liked to bet a little but is wasn't the norm at the club. He then asked how much the fellow was worth. I guess about 25 million or so he stammered to the chairman. Ok, said Stephens taking a coin out of his pocket, "how about I flip you for it" .

[Rob_Waldron]

I have a good friend who has the perfect response to someone insisting on reviewing their round with him. As soon as the tale begins, Bill politely interrupts them and says "It will cost you $10 if you want me to listen and $20 if you want me to pretend I care"

[JMEvensky]

Always loved the famous Augusta gambling story. A new member was heard bitching that he couldn't get a game with any action. He was heard to say they played for a lot more back at his home club.


Jackson Stephens the chairman got word of this and caught the member one day at Augusta and asked him how he was doing being a new member and all. He reiterated that he loved the golf course but couldn't get anyone to play for anything. Stephens, a billionaire said he liked to bet a little but is wasn't the norm at the club. He then asked how much the fellow was worth. I guess about 25 million or so he stammered to the chairman. Ok, said Stephens taking a coin out of his pocket, "how about I flip you for it" .

Archie, check your e-mail in a few minutes.