Great Caddy One Liners

[archie_struthers]

 


Since there has been some serious denigration of some of my looping buddies on site recently , lets have a fun thread  with "no malice" . Although I remain  in the do your job , find the ball , and keep relatively quiet school , there are some priceless one liners out there.  

Here goes!

A golfer throws his club off the fourteenth tee at Pine Valley into the bull rushes below. My partner says without delay ....

"you better throw a provisional, we might not find that one ".  

[JESII]

Same tee...Rocky's player insists he can get a 6 iron there when Rocky wants him to hit 5. Rocky leans over as the guy is addressing the ball and says "take a deep breath".

[Lou_Duran]

A true story: after the second or third hole at my favorite course in the world, my two-bag carrying caddie, without even looking at me says , "you know Lou, you and I ain't  gonna get along if I have to keep chasing your divots all day long".

[Keith OHalloran]

Friend hits one in the high grass in Ireland on the first tee and asks the caddie if he will find it. Caddy says
"Jim, You could wrap that ball in bacon and feckin lassie couldn't find it"

[Tim Martin]

My member host at Westchester CC hits it to 10 feet for birdie on the drivable par 4 1st hole and promptly three putts. His caddie looks at him and says" You know what they say about three putting don't you sir? It's like jerking off because even though you feel real bad about it you know you are going to do it again".

[Lenny Polakoff]

Playing with a good friend of mine last year who is not much of a golfer.  On the very first green my buddy proceeds to knock the ball back and forth about 7 times until he finally nestled it up about 8 inches from the hole and starts to mark his ball.  The caddy stops him mid mark and says "I wouldn’t mark that, If I were you I would hit it while I was hot!" 

[Mark McKeever]

I will leave the player and caddy anonymous, but one of the best ever....

Philadelphia Cricket Club Hole 10.  The short par 3 by the parking lot for those familiar and it doesn't take much to yank one left into the parking lot full of nice cars.  

Anyways, a playing partner proceeds to yank one on the dreaded line towards/left of the large tree towards the cars.  The ball lands and he says "I think that hit the trunk"  

Caddy quickly replies "Which one?"



Mark

[Joe Bausch]

I will leave the player and caddy anonymous, but one of the best ever....

Philadelphia Cricket Club Hole 10.  The short par 3 by the parking lot for those familiar and it doesn't take much to yank one left into the parking lot full of nice cars. 

Anyways, a playing partner proceeds to yank on on the dreaded line towards/left of the large tree towards the cars.  The ball lands and he says "I think that hit the trunk" 

Caddy quickly replies "Which one?"

Mark

Dude, I told you not to tell ANYONE that story. 

[Mark McKeever]

I will leave the player and caddy anonymous, but one of the best ever....

Philadelphia Cricket Club Hole 10.  The short par 3 by the parking lot for those familiar and it doesn't take much to yank one left into the parking lot full of nice cars. 

Anyways, a playing partner proceeds to yank on on the dreaded line towards/left of the large tree towards the cars.  The ball lands and he says "I think that hit the trunk" 

Caddy quickly replies "Which one?"

Mark

Dude, I told you not to tell ANYONE that story. 

There is complete anonymity!!

Mark

[Jim_Coleman]

    Heading down the 10th fairway at Hidden Creek, Chico (my caddy formerly at PV and Galloway, I think), asks out of the blue, "Djah go to Temple, Big Jim?"  Not knowing whether he's inquiring about my education or religion (and not that happy about the adjective he chose), I respond, "No, Penn."  Still not sure if I chose correctly.
    The obvious other Rocky story at PV involves his caddying for 2 Japanese guests.  Someone else can tell the rest.

[Steve_ Shaffer]

Golfer to Caddy: Can I get there with a 5iron?

Caddy: Eventually.

[Pat Burke]

"Bullet, I'm telling you, I'm so fu%&ing mad, I feel like breaking something!"

"How about par?"


Fultom Allem and his caddy bullet Bob

[Bill Shotzbarger]

Caddie 1: "they're not burning hot, ya know"

Caddie 2 (me): "what aren't?"

Caddie 1: "the pins, why don't ya grab one for once"

Dude, I told you not to tell ANYONE that story. 

Joe, it's not Mark's fault you're guilty of self-incrimination!

[Jim Sherma]

At Kingsbarnes - 4 Caddies that were not too discreetly betting on our shots all through the round. On the 16th hole guy in the group hits a high slice out over the sea wall and says "that's wet". His caddy deadpans, "no, the f-ing tide's out" likely having lost something on that swing.

[Dave Falkner]

What should i hit?

Caddie "You might as well hit is with your dick"

[Jason Topp]

My son's first loop at 14 years old.  Player hits one towards water.  My son's reaction: "Looks thirsty!"  It was a short career.

[Dan Kelly]

My son's first loop at 14 years old.  Player hits one towards water.  My son's reaction: "Looks thirsty!"  It was a short career.

Maybe so -- but a fine reaction, especially for a rookie!

[Carson Pilcher]

@ The Old Course...1st hole:

American businessman hits a fairway wood into the first fairway.  Gets handed a 6 iron and begins to roll his ball into a better lie with the club.

Caddie: "Aye.  Did you fly 3000 miles to cheat"?

@ Augusta National

"What should I hit here"?
"Your 5 iron sir"
"5 iron?  THat's too much club"
"You should hit your 5 iron sir"
"OK, but I think it's too much club".

He commences to come up and out of the shot, catches it thin and blades it along the ground.  It rolls the distance along the ground and up on the green.  Turns to his caddie and says,:

"See!  If I would have hit that shot good, it would have gone over the green".
Caddie (while wiping the club and walking off.."but you didn't".

[John McCarthy]

2d hand story but a friend was playing in Costa Rica, ignorent of Spanish as his looper was of English, trying to figure out what to hit on the first par 3 when his jock pipes up "Suave ocho,  suave ocho."

[Gary Daughters]

Jim Colbert told this one.  He was in contention at The Masters one Sunday, but then 3-putted #10.  He collected himself on the eleventh tee and striped one.   He's assessing his approach and says to his club caddy.. "What do you think?"  Caddy: "I think you just pissed away the tournament back there."

[Dan Kelly]

Golfer: "What do you think of my game?"

Caddie: "The less I think of it, the better for both of us, sir."

Some caddie somewhere must have said that.

[David Whitmer]

This is apropos for me, as I am heading over to Scotland on Thursday. Hopefully I hear a few good one-liners myself.

A friend of mine, who is a bad golfer, nonetheless decides while in Scotland to play The Old Course. He's playing terribly, which is the norm for him. Late in the round (don't know which hole), he is in the fairway about 80 yards from the green. His caddie gives him his putter.

My friend says, "Putter? I'm 80 yards away!"

The caddie replies, "Aye, but ya won't shank this one, sir."

[Rich Goodale]

A true story: after the second or third hole at my favorite course in the world, my two-bag carrying caddie, without even looking at me says , "you know Lou, you and I ain't  gonna get along if I have to keep chasing your divots all day long".

I remember that remark, Lou.  I think it was the 4th, actually, but I could be wrong.  Great day, nevertheless, regardless of the gormlessness of your caddy.

Rich

[Martin Toal]

There is a joke/apocryphal story about a visitor (possibly from a former British colony) at a famous Scottish links and the player is playing very poorly, but blaming a lot of it on his patient bag carrier.

At the zenith of his exasperation, the player turns to the caddy and says "You must be the worst [redacted] caddy in the world', to which the caddy replies, 'No, sir, that would be too much of a coinicidence'.

[Rich Goodale]

I've written this in one of my books, and probably several other times on this forum, but since I was actually there at the time.....

.....when playing the 6th with Bill Davis of Golf Digest, the Captain of Royal Dornoch and Sandy Pipie (caddie extraordinaire, looping for Bill), Mr Davis semi-shanked his tee shot and then manufactuerd a pitch from the right-hand gunge to 3-4 feet.  El Capitain said to Bill "Greg Norman couldn't have done better on that shot!"  In an instant, Sandy piped up "Aye, but Greg Norman never would have been there in the first place!"