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Mike_Cirba

A profound criticism
« on: December 09, 2001, 07:57:00 PM »
I would like to apologize in advance if this post comes off as overly sentimental.  It's just that we talk a lot of theory in here and sometimes such discourse is generally divorced from real-world application.

A week ago today, I made the two hour drive to meet my dad at a generally well-regarded modern course.  Given the time of year, carts were not allowed, and we were happy to set off on foot, as we both prefer.

The private course was built on over 400 acres, and despite the fact that housing was not a consideration in the design, it is rather spread out and seemingly more concerned with being a collection of holes than a contiguous golf course.  At the end of the day, my 43 year old legs were feeling the strain, and I could only imagine how my 74 year old dad and his 69 year old partner felt.

The course itself was clearly designed to be dramatic and challenging.  For a low-handicap golfer, there is more than adequate challenge, and the holes themselves seemed to run mostly uphill, often required considerable carries to reach preferred landing areas (or even just the fairway), and everything is meant to be designed on a huge scale.  Shots missing the preferred areas were often dealt with severely, with large mounds and stark falloffs creating abruptly uphill, sidehill, downhill, shots, and the facing of the bunkers and other features similiarly steep and daunting.

The course is a private members club, designed by a famous architect, and I left there thinking that it was a serious test of golf, if not particularly "fun" or naturally utilzing the land in a thoughtful way.  A great deal of earth seemed to have been moved for little purpose other than visual histrionics and dramatics.

This past Friday, I called home in the early afternoon to hear that an ambulance was at the house and my dad was suffering chest and arm pains.  Later, we were to find that he had suffered a heart attack.

As he was taken into the ambulance, his first words to my mom were, "well, I guess that's the end of my golf."  For a man who considers golf his lifestyle, this was a particularly painful admission at a time when his very existence on this planet seemed to be in serious question.

A little background; my dad had always been a serious sporting enthusiast, but had never played golf, due largely to his lower-middle-income lifestyle, until his children began to play the game in their early teens at a fun little, ramshackle, farmland public nine-holer called Scott View GC, where we would often play from sunrise to sunset.  He immediately became enamored with this wonderful game, and over the years, our conversations inevitably started with "how you hitting them?", whenever we spoke.  

Although we had a tenuous, and sometimes contentious relationship during my "wild years", we could always both count on the fact that we had golf to share between us.  Many were the time when he would give me a "shot by shot" recounting of his latest round, or share our thoughts on a course we had recently played.  My long-suffering mom would understandingly give wide clearance to the rest of her golf-crazed family once the conversation inevitably turned towards our latest adventures on the links.

In my life, golf created the bond where our disparate generations where linked and shared.  Differences in political views, lifestyles, financial options, personalities, and other mundane, menial details of everyday life just dissipated whenever the topic turned to our shared passion for golf, and more importantly, to the fields of play we mutually enjoyed.  He absolutely loved and was so proud of the fact that his son had the opportunity to play so many of the golf courses that populated our land, be they great, mediocre, or poor.  He has always shared my belief that every course, and every round of golf, is an adventure, another chapter of an open ended book, both a place to enjoy and discover nature, as well as to continue to never-ending process of self-discovery and improvement within a new and challenging context.

After hanging up the phone in shocked silence, and given the news of his health, I rushed upstate to offer my support, love, and assistance.  

As we sat in the hospital room, with various life-sustaining tubes attached to my dad, once we were past the talk of cholestrol levels, balloon angioplasty (which is the procedure which will be done tomorrow), and other immediate concerns, I could see that something was still bothering my dad.

I tried to reassure him...."Dad...the docs say they think the damage was minimal..you were lucky that you were home when it happened....their going to want you to get back on your feet and active again as soon as possible."

He said, "I guess this means our trip to Pinehurst in January is out, huh?

Reluctantly, I answered..."yes, but we'll reschedule it for as soon as you're able."  I didn't want to offer false encouragement, but knowing how much being able to play means to him, I also wanted to give him hope that he'd be back on the links, because I knew how much it means to him.

We talked through the evening, the conversation inevitably turning to golf.  We talked about the course we had played last week.  My dad has always been one to give any course the benefit of the doubt....like Jim Finegan, I think he could enjoy himself on any course, anywhere.  I started by telling him that I thought the course was very challenging, on a beautiful piece of property, but that I thought the place was overshaped in the interest of creating artificial drama, but still a fine test.

He surprisingly stopped me short, by offering the following;

"You know...if I ever built a golf course...I'd try to make it challenging for the best players.  But...I think that any course should really be playable for any golfer and not just by where they set the tees.  I like a good challenge as much as the next guy, but I don't know who some of these guys think are going to play their courses.  I don't get to play many private courses, but I can't imagine that the guys who play there all the time have as much fun as I do on courses that are a lot less well-maintained and not nearly as ambitious."

I thought about Pinehurst, and said a silent prayer that I'd have the opportunity to someday show him a golf course that I'm sure he'd be happy to stroll along.

I also thought about his faith, and told him that someday, hopefully far in the future,  he'd be playing golf courses that would make Pine Valley look like Scott View.

I'd also bet that they'd be walkable, and accommodating to all levels of play.

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Peter Galea

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2001, 08:13:43 PM »
My prayers are with you and your family.
Here's wishing your father a speedy recovery.
Pete.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »
"chief sherpa"

Slag_Bandoon

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2001, 08:16:02 PM »
 Your father's wisdom captures one of the most important offerings of golf -  accessible sharing of fun.
Golf's endearing depth is its role as a catalyst for the more important moments in life.  Thank you for sharing Mike.  Have fun in Pinehurst with Dad.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:12 PM by -1 »

RJ_Daley

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2001, 09:12:55 PM »
Mike, there are many folks out there playing after by-pass and angioplasty, as we all know, so we'll all think of good thoughts for his speedy recovery.  It sounds like your Dad will be one of them.  You both are lucky to have one-another to share that common enjoyment.  From the description of your Dad's comment, it sounds like he might very well appreciate a few rounds at Southern Pines due to it's modest presentation compared to the big show at #2, (although #18 is a bit of a climb up from tee to green).  You might want to consider it though.  
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »
No actual golf rounds were ruined or delayed, nor golf rules broken, in the taking of any photographs that may be displayed by the above forum user.

Rich_Goodale

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2001, 09:14:43 PM »
Mike

Thanks for sharing this with us.  Puts what we talk about here in perspective.  Makes us think about what is really important.  Wishing a speedy and full recovery for your dad and many more games of golf for the two of you, together.

Rich
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Don_Mahaffey

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2001, 09:35:31 PM »
Mike,

Thanks for taking the time to write.
My father also took to golf late, and as fate has it he has three sons who make their living caring for golf courses, so it's always the main topic whenever we get together. One of my fondest memories in golf was when my father and I teamed up in a best ball. He had to play to a handicap much lower than his because there was a limit on the difference and we just looked at it as an excuse to spend a couple of days out on the course. He ended up chipping in for birdie on the 18th and we won our first match. It's a memory we both love to relive. I often take my young son to my course on summer afternoons. I often get comments from people like "he will be another Tiger", or "he could be a pro" and I tell them that my only goal is that he falls in love with the game so I'll have someone to play with when I get old. They don't take me serious, but I am.

Tell your father that I work at a course frequented by retired folks and many, many of my members have gone through the same as him or worse and are back out on the course. I'm sure you and he have many more matches in your future. We wish him a speedy recovery and thanks again for your post.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Tom MacWood (Guest)

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2001, 03:27:06 AM »
Mike
There are a number of lessons that I take from your post. Thanks. I pray everything will be back to normal very soon.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Matt_Davenport

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2001, 03:49:54 AM »
Mike,
I will add my wishes for you, your father and family to those already posted here.  Thankfully, golf is a common bond that I share with my father-in-law.  I hope your dad makes a speedy recovery so you can both enjoy the experience at Pinehurst sooner than expected.
Best wishes,
Matt
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:12 PM by -1 »

TEPaul

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2001, 05:38:17 AM »
You're a very thoughtful man Mike Cirba--and it sounds your father too! Fathers and sons and golf are a wonderful combination! There are always the bumps along the way, health and such, but keep a positive attitude and look to the future.

When my own father was clearly on his way he told me one unexpected morning not to worry about a thing that we pretty much had done it all together--it was one of the great releases and gifts I've ever had in my life, I figure...and it's really helped a lot in the years since...

It was true what he said but now with my renewed interest in many things golf I wish he was here so we could do it all again!

Keep the positive attitude, I know you will, and although there's no real need to go too fast, try not to waste time either---time is precious!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Evan Fleisher

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2001, 06:25:02 AM »
Fantastic post, Mike, and I echo the sentiments shared above...it really puts things in perspective.  Sharing a round of golf with your father, or any loved one/friend is truly one of the pure joys in life and should be cherished as such.

I wish your father the speediest of recoveries, and hoping that Pinehurst trip gets rescheduled sooner than later.  Please wish him well for me.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »
Born Rochester, MN. Grew up Miami, FL. Live Cleveland, OH. Handicap 13.2. Have 26 & 23 year old girls and wife of 29 years. I'm a Senior Supply Chain Business Analyst for Vitamix. Diehard walker, but tolerate cart riders! Love to travel, always have my sticks with me. Mollydooker for life!

redanman (Guest)

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2001, 07:48:37 AM »
As I said on the phone I want to say here, best to your Dad.

Sentimentality is a good thing, Mike. Sensitivity is a good thing.  You're a good man, Mike.  You really understand it all and how it goes together.

BV
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Tim_Weiman

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #11 on: December 10, 2001, 07:55:49 AM »
Mike:

My very best wishes to your Dad for a speedy recovery.

Years ago I had a somewhat similiar experience.  It involved one of my employees rather than my Dad.  We went out to call on a customer one day and on the way back stopped for a round of golf.

I don't know if he actually had a heart attack, but about half way up walking one hill, he just couldn't go any further.  Two days later he went for a series of procedures that led to triple by pass.

Eventually, he recovered and went on to have a fairly normal life, including golf on reasonable flat courses.  The experience did bring us closer and keep things in perspective.

I hope your Dad will make it to Pinehurst.....or maybe a St. Andrews before too long.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »
Tim Weiman

THuckaby2

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2001, 08:19:38 AM »
Mike - "wisdom" is indeed a very rare thing, more rare than people think.  Your Dad has it in spades and it seems to me you do also - though I never doubted that.

All the best to him for a speedy recovery and to you and yours as you "ger through" this.

TH

ps - I await the trip you and he take to CA - My Dad and I shall host you whenever, wherever.  Tom Paul has it right re Dads and Sons... I've said many times in here that all golf pales compared to that I've shared with my 36 hdcp., living and dying with every shot Dad...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Doug Wright

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2001, 08:43:49 AM »
Mike,

Our thoughts are with you and your Dad. I'm hoping your Dad's love of golf will help him to a speedy recovery. My Dad's in a similar situation,  a diabetic with bad foot problems that have severely limited his play this year. So I told Dad in early October I'd  be coming out in a month to  see him and Mom and he'd hopefully be well enough to tee it up. Sure enough, when I showed up in November he'd patched himself together well enough for back to back rounds with me and Mom, rounds that I cherish like gold.

The obvious health benefits of golf aside, it's the mental side that may provide even more benefits to us all.

Regards,
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »
Twitter: @Deneuchre

GeoffreyC

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2001, 08:58:15 AM »
Mike

As I said on the message I left for you on the phone, all the best for a speedy recovery for your Dad.

If there is anything your friends can do to make it easier for you please give the word.

GC
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

cbradmiller

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #15 on: December 10, 2001, 09:25:05 AM »
Mike, Corey's and my thoughts are with you your dad and the rest of your family. All the best and most important a speedy recovery for your dad. Let us know if we may help in anyway.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

JSlonis

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2001, 12:35:53 PM »
Mike,

Thanks for sharing such a heartfelt story. Best wishes to your father for a speedy recovery and to you and your family during the holiday season.

Pinehurst awaits...

Jamie
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Dan King

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #17 on: December 10, 2001, 12:55:51 PM »
Mike,

Enjoy the time you have with your Dad (hopefully it is many more years.)  The memories will last you forever.

My Dad wasn't a golfer. He took up the game late in life because he knew how much I enjoyed golf and it was an opportunity for the two of us to spend some time together. Like you Mike, my Dad and I disagreed on many things during my wilder youth but it is amazing how much I have become like him.

Click here for the Eulogy to my Dad

I've never had a lot of fun walking a cartball track. It's a shame, there are some reasonably good cartball courses (such as Plantation Course at Kapalua) but they will never grow up to be real golf courses.

Quote
My father was in love with golf. He played seven times every week and talked about the game as if it were a science that he was about to figure out. "Cut through the outer rim for a high iron," he used to say at dinner, looking out the window into the yard while my mother passed him the carved-wood salad bowl. Or "In hot weather hit a high-compression ball." When conversation paused, he made little putting motions with his hands.
 --Ethan Canin (The Year of Getting to Know us)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Justin_Zook

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #18 on: December 10, 2001, 01:31:57 PM »
Mike
I am sorry to hear about your Father, my thoughts and prayers are with both him, and your family.  I know that you are a good man, and that speaks volumes about your Dad.  I hope all goes well in his recovery, and I hope that trip to Pinehurst is not delayed!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »
We make a living by what we get...we make a life by what we give.

John_D._Bernhardt

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #19 on: December 10, 2001, 02:09:13 PM »
Mike, thanks for letting us in on a very personal part of your life and my prayers are with you. I too share you and your dad's view of what a good course is. This letter brought it home for us. John
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

A_Clay_Man

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #20 on: December 10, 2001, 03:20:08 PM »
Your father was on my mind during my solo round today. I hope we all will be given the update on his procedure soon. And while your at it throw in somemore anecdotes.  
I have been cognizant (jealous) of other people enjoying golf with thier fathers but mostly because of my ability to relate is inhierently compromised by the fact that he doesn't golf. :(
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Kevin_Reilly

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #21 on: December 10, 2001, 03:44:19 PM »
Mike, my best wishes for your father.

Your father sounds a lot like mine.  My father never played (or had any interest in the game for that matter) when I was young because he always considered golf a sport for the wealthy (we weren't).  When some of his friends started playing he realized that the muni courses in town were reasonably priced and inexpensive equipment was available.  So he started playing at 52.  Now he's 71 and plays 3x a week.

Hope you'll be able to play Pinehurst with your father soon.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »
"GOLF COURSES SHOULD BE ENJOYED RATHER THAN RATED" - Tom Watson

Mike_Cirba

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #22 on: December 10, 2001, 03:59:50 PM »
I am truly overwhelmed by this outpouring of best wishes and caring.  Knowing many of you personally, I really shouldn't be surprised in the least.

I would like to extend my personal thanks and those of my family to all of you who responded here, via email, and phone.  A man who has such wonderful friends is very lucky, indeed, and your words of support and encouragement have been tremendously helpful and therapeutic.

Unfortunately, things did not go so well today.  During the angioplasty procedure, it was discovered that there was more damage than originally believed, as well as a total of four blockages.  My dad has been scheduled for a quadruple bypass on this Wednesday morning, and we'll hope and pray for the best.

I'm not sure that I will be on this site much over the next couple of days, or able to respond to each of you individually during this period, but I did want to update everyone and also let you know that I'll be sharing your kind words, thoughts, and prayers with my dad and the rest of my family.  In fact, I intend to print out this thread as well as your letters to me and read some of them to him tomorrow night prior to his surgery.

I'm sure it will mean the world to my dad to know that he's in the fighting company of the world's greatest bunch of golfers here on GCA, all pulling for him.  

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

Patrick_Mucci

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2001, 04:52:27 PM »
Mike Cirba,

I have encouraging news.

When my father had his first heart attack at age 63, he asked his doctors the same question your dad alluded to.

The good news is, that anyone in serious condition, whose main concern is about their golf game, will find their way back to the golf course because he has the will and desire to return to pursuit one of his great pleasures, golf.

The desire to play golf again, was better medicine than all the pills and medications my dad had to take, and I think your dad will follow that same fairway to recovery.  The key is to tell him that his recent illness will not result in him being given any additional shots in your matches.

My dad continued to shoot his age for 16 more years, and that desire to play better tomorrow, than he did today, was what kept him motivated, active in life and  on the golf course.

My best wishes are with your family and your dad.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »

TEPaul

Re: A profound criticism
« Reply #24 on: December 10, 2001, 05:05:14 PM »
Mike:

Sorry to hear about the four way bypass operation but these good docs can pull those ops off no problem! My wife, who is a nurse, was operated on by a doctor friend of hers in the last few weeks and her doc had a seven way by pass op in August! The guy looks great!!! So there's going to be a silver lining in all of this and you better make good contact with your driver cus your Dad will be sneaking up on you in a few months he'll be feeling so good!!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by 1056376800 »