O/T The Real Faux Pas

[Bob_Huntley]

An earlier thread caused me to bring this up.

The total embarrassment after uttering the wrong few words in a private conversation.

Many years ago I was an officer in the Rhodesian African Rifles. There was a function at Government House hosted by the Governor of the colony. A young man had recently been seconded to the regiment, whom I shall call Pilkington- Smythe. I was doing the rounds, offering drinks to the guests and approached a formidable looking lady of some indeterminate age. I offered to get her some champagne and introduced myself. She replied that she was Mrs. Pilkington-Smythe. It was then I made a serious mistake. I then asked how her son was enjoying regimental life. She drew herself up with some indignation and advised me that the young man was indeed her husband.

I gulped on my gin and tonic, mumbled something quite asinine and slunked away.

I wish someone would come up with something worse, just to make me feel better.


Bob

[Rich Goodale]

Bob

I once observed a very distinguished American attorney complimenting a fine Bristish lady golfer in a crowded bar of a legendary hotel by saying:

"Penelope, I really love your golf swing--particularly the way you get your fanny into the ball.!"

Rich

[Bill_McBride]

Similar story.  My wife and I once arrived in Venice after an overnight flight to Milan and a long train ride.  We got into our hotel in the Dorsoduro and wandered over to the Piazza Santa Margarita for dinner.  We sat in the plaza at a table next to a woman and a young girl.

As my wife looked on in horror, I asked the woman if her granddaughter was enjoying Venice.    Of course this was her daughter, she said nicely.

I blamed jet lag then and have stuck to that story.   

[PThomas]

it wasn't me who stuck his foot into the following, but still pretty amusing:

i've been out with two of my daughters on different occasions - me with one of them each time - when people have stated that "You wife...."

[TEPaul]

"I wish someone would come up with something worse, just to make me feel better."

Bob:

Now you are talking about the proverbial trap door in the floor (after some serious social faux pas). I could go on and on and on and on if it would really make you feel better.

[Ed Oden]

Bob, regrettably, I may have you beat.  About a dozen years ago, I was scheduled to interview someone for a position at my firm.  One of my partners brought him to my office and as he was making the introductions my view was partially obscured by my doorway, but I could see the guy was on crutches.  Thinking he had a broken leg or had ACL surgery and looking to break the ice, I said something inane like "What the heck happened to you?"  As he came around the corner into my office, I saw that his leg had been amputated, the unfortunate casualty of a bout with cancer.  I have never felt so small in my life.  He was a really good guy and well qualified for the job.  We made him an offer.  He declined.  I am confident my faux pas was the deciding factor.

Ed

[RJ_Daley]

I was at a local home improvement store, and I bumped into a new rookie of about 22 yrs old who seemed a bit awkward, and had just been assigned to my shift and we were both off work that day.  Then around the aisle came our platoon sergeant who also just happened to be off that day shopping there, who was a great great guy and real kidder, nearing retirement age.  But the rookie hardly knew him.  The sarge had been on a big weight loss binge and had really lost plenty.  The rookie was overly trying to act swagger and one of the guys and seemed like a natural born suck-up.  He tried to make a humorous flip comment and said, "gee sarge, you'd think you had cancer or something with all that weight you've lost".  The sarge, without loosing a beat, must have squeezed his guts and made his face turn red, and flew into an acting rage (winking at me) and should have won an Oscar.  He got right up in the kid's face and said, 'you listen to me you little sh(*&*head, you keep your mouth shut, my wife and daughter in college need my paycheck and I intend to work until I can't drag myself there anymore and I die.  No one knows this and if you say a word, I kick your ass with my last bit of strength".  The rookie literally started to quiver and tears were getting up in his eyes, and he started stammering and trying to get in a heartfelt apology and assurance he wouldn't say a word, all the while the sarge was still pounding his finger in his chest and telling him to keep his mouth shut.  The kid was just about to actually sob when he saw me almost falling into a display counter laughing so hard I almost pee'd my pants.   The sarge is about late 70s now, a grand woodworker and still happily retired, though last I saw him he put back on lots of weight. 

[Mark Pearce]

A few weeks ago I picked up my twins from cricket practice on a Saturday evening and popped into our local Indian takeaway with them to pick up a curry.  I'm a regular and known to the manager who met with in his usual effusive fashion "Good evening, Mr Pearce, are these your grandchildren?"

[Jim Franklin]

I was a chaparone for my brother's wrestling team at the National Preps one year and they were having your typical high school party one night. Well this woman walks in and she, and I hate saying this, but she was a beastly looking person. Well she leaves and I say "What the heck(used another inappropriate word back then) was that?".

This little wrestler says, "That was my mom." That was the origination of the Snickers commercial...Want to get away?

[PThomas]

I was a chaparone for my brother's wrestling team at the National Preps one year and they were having your typical high school party one night. Well this woman walks in and she, and I hate saying this, but she was a beastly looking person. Well she leaves and I say "What the heck(used another inappropriate word back then) was that?".

This little wrestler says, "That was my mom." That was the origination of the Snickers commercial...Want to get away?

Jim, yours reminded me of the time at a job a long time ago...some scraggly looking guy was leaving the office...i asked one of the secretarys "Who was THAT guy?"  she told me it was her husband!

[Sean Leary]

Any story regarding asking a woman when the baby is due followed by finding out she isn't pregnant makes the list.

[PThomas]

Any story regarding asking a woman when the baby is due followed by finding out she isn't pregnant makes the list.

NEVER speculate about a women's age or weight!

[Tom_Doak]

Bob:

A friend of mine who is a golf writer was visiting Pete and Alice Dye in the Dominican Republic many years ago.  He knew that she had been a very good player, so, trying to ingratiate himself, he asked if she had ever shot her age?

She replied that no, she had never shot 59.

He says he gets a card from her every once in a while when she does shoot her age now.

[Mike Hendren]

I was enjoying a cheeseburger in the halfway house of Monterrey Peninsula Country Club with GCA stallwarts when I made the terrible mistake of asking my host about the logo on his sweater, forgetting momentarily it was that of the Royal & Ancient.  The only salvation was that I recognized the John Deere logo on his cap.

What a stupid I am.

Cheers, Bob.

Mike

[Tom Yost]

Joined with another single and a twosome consisting of a Dad and his approx 17-yr old son who the Dad informed us played for the local christian High School golf team.

Sometime during the round, the other single is preparing for his shot from a greenside bunker, and is telling us about a bunker tip from Annika Sorenstam he recently saw on the Golf Channel... "She said to spread your legs wider and blah, blah blah..."

He proceeds to blast the bunker shot to about 3 feet, to which Dad says "That was a pretty good bunker tip from Annika"

Without thinking, I immediately responded "Bunker tip?  All I heard was Annika says to spread your legs wider... "

As I looked at my playing companions and saw the Dad giving me an evil glare, I suddenly realized my mistake.   

[Anthony Gray]

  Playing together in a practice round in the Scotish Open the week before The Open, Boo Weekly asked Paul Lawrie how did he qualify for The Open.

[Bob_Huntley]

  Playing together in a practice round in the Scotish Open the week before The Open, Boo Weekly asked Paul Lawrie how did he qualify for The Open.

Now Anthony, that is a classic.

Bob

[TEPaul]

Anthony:

I'll tell you, the world of golf has just got to love Boo Weekly he is just so damn uncharacteristic of what most think a top notch tour player is or should be. Did you know that in the Ryder Cup Boo at first he did not even realize there was such a thing in golf as conceding a putt? After a while he noticed or someone noticed for him that his opponent was looking at him sort of strange and informed him what a conceded putt is all about. On air later Boo said something like: "Man did I feel bad when they told me that; I didn't even know you could do that."

[rjsimper]

Anthony:

I'll tell you, the world of golf has just got to love Boo Weekly he is just so damn uncharacteristic of what most think a top notch tour player is or should be. Did you know that in the Ryder Cup Boo at first he did not even realize there was such a thing in golf as conceding a putt? After a while he noticed or someone noticed for him that his opponent was looking at him sort of strange and informed him what a conceded putt is all about. On air later Boo said something like: "Man did I feel bad when they told me that; I didn't even know you could do that."

I'm pretty sure that was the Accenture Match Play, not the Ryder Cup...but hysterical nonetheless.

While nothing surpasses the embarrassment of an in-person faux pas, today's communication methods have led to some modern classics.  A co-worker of mine, whose email auto-corrects his spelling errors, once sent an email to an already irate client which he intended to begin "I apologize for the inconvenience..." but the spell checker changed it to:

I apologize for the incontinence...

[TEPaul]

BobH:

Go to this webpage and check out the part about halfway down about Mary Astor Paul (m. Munn, m. Allez), and her exploits in Paris during WW2 and then I'll tell you what was both a faux pas on my part but pretty funny while talking last year to her daughter, the indominable 95 year old Grand Dame, Mary, Countess of Bessborough, about her mother's spying for the Allies in Paris in WW2 and what happened when she got caught by the Nazis.


http://www.newyorksocialdiary.com/socialdiary/2006/11_24_06/socialdiary11_24_06.php

[Bill_McBride]

Anthony:

I'll tell you, the world of golf has just got to love Boo Weekly he is just so damn uncharacteristic of what most think a top notch tour player is or should be. Did you know that in the Ryder Cup Boo at first he did not even realize there was such a thing in golf as conceding a putt? After a while he noticed or someone noticed for him that his opponent was looking at him sort of strange and informed him what a conceded putt is all about. On air later Boo said something like: "Man did I feel bad when they told me that; I didn't even know you could do that."

I'm pretty sure that was the Accenture Match Play, not the Ryder Cup...but hysterical nonetheless.

It's also a sad commentary on the prevalence of medal play in high level golf these days.  Boo probably never played match play before the Accenture.

[RJ_Daley]

I was on a plane with family back from vacation in San Fran.  It was a wide body, and we had 4 of the 5 middle seats.  I was second from the right aisle and my kids were to the left of me in the middle rows of the dual aisle plane.  As I got seated, a gentleman right out of a B movie, full dress traditional Sikh man with a jewel holding his turban together in front, who was quite tall and stately, a finely trimed grey gotee beard, sat next to me.  He was clearly quite elderly but very fit.  Before he sits down, he looks down at me from the aisle and says, "I must warn you that I have problems with your nation".  I look up at him rather stunned and confused, and then as my kids are snickering, say politely, "I really can't say as I know much about your nation".  By now my teen kids are just cutting up poking each other.  And, in my usual late arrival, finally get it... "I have problems with urination"...

[Kyle Henderson]

My favorites:

1) At my gym, I witnessed a middle-aged  caucasian man asking a rotund Asian lady when her baby was due. Unfortunately, the  lady was actually an overweight male. Wackiness ensued.

2) A young lady is dating a rather selfish gentlemen who treats her in a less than respectful fashion, to the displeasure of Julie, the young lady's roommate.

The three are attending a wedding and Julie asks them to smile for a picture. The young lady smiles while her boyfriend smirks snobbishly.

Julie has had it. She launches into a viscious diatribe about how tired she is of his rude behaviors. "Can't you even smile for a $%^ing picture with your #^$ing girfiend?," she exclaims."

His reply: "I have Bell's Palsy."

He wasn't joking.

[PThomas]

Kyle, your first one made me LOL....Dick Daley, yours too

thanks for your candor and the laughs!

[Kalen Braley]

On the 1st night that I met my eventual-to-be wife, I was home for the summer from school and we were hanging out with some friends.  She was in town to visit her sister who was a friend with some of my friends.

As we get to chatting she asks where I live at BYU and I gave her the street name.  She says thats fairly close to where she lives too...and without further thought I quickly make a game of it and start talking about the various apartment complexes and making hasty generalizations about the kind of people who must live there.  Well after talking about this one complex that was full of rich, snooty kids, and summarily slamming it, she says "oh really, well thats where I live".  The conversation goes quiet and then I try to explain how it must not be so bad there after all. 

In the end, I guess I had enough charm and good looks to win her over anyways!!