[Gary Daughters]

They are my 2 most prominent obsessions, and yet I see no and I mean totally zero connetion between the two.

Clandestine encounters on a moonlit green and the current crop of LPGA talent don't count.

Certain courses do arouse passions, but in a fundamentally different way than the opposite sex does.

Is it the hole?

Someone help me out here.

[Mark Chaplin]

The more you do of one the less you are likely to do of the other!

[Bill Brightly]

That is SOOO easy!

Golf is played on a golf course. Sex is performed on a woman (hopefully!.) Dont tell me its "with' a woman, ok, just go with me here...

Great golf couses are like beautiful women. You know one when you see one, and you really shouldn't compare them to one another.

Jane Mansfield is TOC, Marilyn Monroe is NGLA,  Rita Hayworth is Cypress Point,  Raquel Welch is Pebble Beach, Cheryl Tiegs is Merion, Elle MacPherson is Winged Foot, (Old Head is Madonna),  Catherine Zeta Jones is Augusta, Jessica Alba is Pacific Dunes, Nicolette Sheridan is Sand Hills, etc etc.

Some are redheads, some are blondes, some are brunettes.

Now, if you are honest, a part of you wants to play them all.

And while we each might have an ultimate favorite, if we really love golf (or sex) we'll be happy playing a muni and making love  to our wives!

[Bob_Huntley]

When trying to measure and answer your question, one has to decide whether wants the experience to be enjoyable for the whole afternoon or culminate in a frenzy of excitement in the flash of an eye.

I am reminded of the story of Sister Mary Margaret, the Head Mistress of the local Sacred Heart Convent Convent School. She was giving a Commencement Speech and warned the girls of the perils of the outside world and the wiles of truly wicked men who would attempt to debauch them. She went on to say, "Now girls, remember that five minutes of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of misery. If any of you have any questions, please come to my study when the ceremony is over."

Several girls popped by and then came Penelope, she of the heaving bosom and pheromes galore. "Yes" said Sister Mary, "What was you question?'' Penelope replied, "Sister Mary, how do you make it last five minutes?"



I think a round of golf might last longer and in retrospect might have more talking points later on.

Bob

[Joe Hancock]

I've never encountered a golf course with the need to cuddle after the round.

Joe

[Chris Cupit]

Well, you don't have to be good at either one to enjoy it

[Ken Moum]

I can only refer to Jimmy Demaret's assertion that they are the only two things you don't have to be good at to enjoy.

Ken

[David Stamm]

When trying to measure and answer your question, one has to decide whether wants the experience to be enjoyable for the whole afternoon or culminate in a frenzy of excitement in the flash of an eye.

I am reminded of the story of Sister Mary Margaret, the Head Mistress of the local Sacred Heart Convent Convent School. She was giving a Commencement Speech and warned the girls of the perils of the outside world and the wiles of truly wicked men who would attempt to debauch them. She went on to say, "Now girls, remember that five minutes of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of misery. If any of you have any questions, please come to my study when the ceremony is over."

Several girls popped by and then came Penelope, she of the heaving bosom and pheromes galore. "Yes" said Sister Mary, "What was you question?'' Penelope replied, "Sister Mary, how do you make it last five minutes?"



I think a round of golf might last longer and in retrospect might have more talking points later on.

Bob

Bob, that's priceless! Very funny!

[Daryl David]

They are my 2 most prominent obsessions, and yet I see no and I mean totally zero connetion between the two.

Clandestine encounters on a moonlit green and the current crop of LPGA talent don't count.

Certain courses do arouse passions, but in a fundamentally different way than the opposite sex does.

Is it the hole?

Someone help me out here.

Don't worry, as you grow older the golf obsession will overtake the sex obsession.  The first will grow, the later will shall we say "deflate".  

I am reminded of the golfer that found a talking frog in the woods while searching for a ball.  The frog promised if he kissed it, the frog would turn into a beautiful woman and give him tons of hot sex.  When he stuffed the frog in his bag without kissing it, his playing partner asked what the hell he was thinking.  He replied; "at my age, I would much rather have a talking frog"

[Mike_Cirba]

Golf lasts longer and you don't have to work as hard.

[Joe Hancock]

Little blue pills are cheaper than a swing coach and a sports psychologist....and often, covered by insurance.....

[Doug Ralston]

"Have you ever noticed how much they resemble orchids? Lovely!" RAH

Have you noticed that in golf the 'cup' is always the same size?

In sex the hills have a certain similarity.

In golf the closer the hole, the tigher the cut.

Unfortunately, it is in golf that I am most often ****ed.  

Doug

[Gary Daughters]

I think I heard that someone told JFK that sex was to the Kennedy Administration what golf was to the Eishenhower administration, to which Kennedy replied:  18 holes a day!

This is neither here nor there.

[RJ_Daley]

One activity, the more strokes the better, obviously the less for the other.

One ideal is a fast firm dry playing surface, the other favors the slow soft and dry field of play.

As Sergio's sophisticated continental vixen says, 'theres nothing like a good up and down'  (one of the best commercial lines ever)

As the urban legend goes as noted on Johnny Carson by a famous golfers wife, it is often helpful for the wife to kiss her hubby's balls inorder to straighten his put(t)z...

While the long driver, bomb and gouge game may appeal to many men, the short, well placed and accurate game seems to be favored by many women.

I think we are all going to get kicked off this forum soon...  

[Joe Bausch]

Dear Gary,

    I bet you have a lot of interesting stories about your ball landing in the rough.

Sincerely,
Lacey Underall
----------------------

[John Kirk]

I thought this thread had zero chance of going anywhere.

Pretty funny, except for the Bob Huntley story, which is very funny.  Thanks for that.

I still think more about sex, but I am better at golf.  "It wasn't always that way!", he cried, with a distinctly defensive tone.

[Andy Doyle]

For you rules geeks:

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at tall times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. The course owners is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of alignment with, and approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.

15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

[Jordan Wall]

There are many things which relate golf to sex...

stiff shafts, getting the ball in the hole, etc etc etc

but the truth is, women are evil (I can prove it too), and that is why golf is better than sex, unless of course you have sex on a golf course, which is a whole nother story...but see:


women = time and money
time = money
women = money^2 (money squared)
and money is the root of all evil, which means
evil = money
and since women = money
women must also = evil


then again, I blame golf for a lot of my problems
not women

and really, I dont think I'd ever choose golf over a fine broad
 


p.s.   I am Mclovin
 

[Jed Peters]

One of my buddy consistently has sex with cart girls.

The last 3 he's hooked up with have been cart chicks, and he's dating (not yet bedded) another.

That's a pretty good connection

[RJ_Daley]

Jordan, go to your room young man!  

[Jim Nugent]

The more you do of one the less you are likely to do of the other!

From what I understand, Arnie might prove you wrong.

Golf and sex:

Twosomes, the most common grouping for sex, are also fine in golf.  Threesomes are often found on golf courses, while in sex they are more rare, the fantasy of many men.  Foursomes are probably the most common of all in golf: in sex, that could become a bit kinky.  

Somewhat rare for a golfer to play alone.  I don't know the stats on that for sex, but suspect the numbers are pretty high.  

Young men in both activities typically rely more on power.  Older men on experience and finesse.  

Hooking means something quite different in golf, but is often about as desirable.  

Much better to be a professional in golf.  Which make more money?  

You can buy aides for both, or so I understand, that supposedly improve your game.  

Modern technology in golf gives us balls that fly 30 yards longer.  Modern technology in sex gives us Viagra.  

69 is usually a damn good score.

 

 

[James Bennett]

69 is usually a damn good score.

Jim

when you are in Europe, you can have the modern metric equivalent, without having to be as good a player.

You can have a '181' instead of a '69'.

If you have a threesome, you might well fantasize about a '281'.

 

[RDecker]

There is alittle metal plaque that I inherited with my office that reads " golf is alot like sex, you don't have to be good at it to enjoy it!"

[Jason Connor]

I've never encountered a golf course with the need to cuddle after the round.

Joe

While I agree, after a bad course, I Just get in my car and go home.  After a fine course, I enjoy sticking around spending another half an hour or so in the course's presence and aura.  So there are similarities.

[tlavin]

This sounds like George Costanza trying to combine his two favorite things (sex and food for him).  This thread begs the question: how many have had sex on the golf course???  Oh, boy is this off topic!

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