I can't directly quote Shivas because what he wrote was quickly edited . . . but it was something similar to "well, you shouldn't have been playing a ball that was .0005 inches out of round in the first place" . . . which leads us to the following skit . . . in which, for dramatic effect, Shivas is imagined as a grizzled 60 year old Southerner.
Chairman Schmidt - "Son, before you sign that card, I want to have a word with you about the practice ball you returned to our range. Your playin' pardner says that you might have been practicin' durin' our toon-a-mint."
Player A - "No, sir. I casually flicked that ball back to its home. I can assure you that I was not practicing."
Chariman Schmidt - "Son, you look like a good kid, and I believe you. But what the hail are you doin' messin' with our range balls? Hail, we got us Class A pro-fessionals pickin' this range. Two strokes.
Bangs gavel. Lemme give you some advice son . . . stay the hail away from stuff that ain't yours.
Chairman Schmidt - "Says here that you been usin' your water bottle as level on our toon-a-mint greens. Serious charges, son.
Player B - "No sir, I can assure you that I was just using it to drink from. It's terribly hot down here."
Chairman Schmidt - "Son, you look like a good kid, and I believe you. But what the hail are you doin' carryin' around a water bottle? Is the ice cold water in our coolers not dee-licious enough for you, or are you just too damn proud to drink out of a paper cone? DQ, and I ain't talkin' about the Dairy Queen.
Bangs gavel. Son, get the hail outta my rules tent, and I better not see you in here ever again.