This Bamberger/Wie story has gotten outta hand. Must be a low news time this week.
Here's the way I wish this thing had turned out.
1. Bamberger blows the whistle on Wie a day late leading to the 6-6, DQ possibilty.
2. The two Rules officials take Wie and her caddy out to the scene of the crime after the final round to review and establish the "facts" from Wie and her caddy.
3. They all agree on the established points, measure them and sure enough Bamberger is right, Wie is wrong and it looks like a "no way out" DQ for Wie with the loss of $53,000 in her first pro tourney.
4. At that point Wie rather sotto voce says to the two rules officials;
"Look guys, I've been watching you two glance at me furtively and lasciviously. I may be young but I'm not dumb, I know what's on your minds. So it looks like I was over the line by about 12-15 inches, maybe even 18 full inches, and I know to you guys, the "Committee, The USGA/R&A Rules of Golf that means a "no way out" DQ and a loss of $53,000 to me due to Rule 6-6, Rule 28, Rule 20-7 etc. So here's the deal. You've got a choice. A/ I'll pay each of you guys a grand or B/ The three of us can go over there behind that "original lie" Golden Lantana bush and you two can cop a simultaneous feel not to exceed 3 1/2 seconds. If you're worried someone like Bamberger is spying on us I'll act like I'm bending over to inspect where the ball originally lay in the Golden Lantana bush and that I'm accidently falling forward and you two can catch me and cop a simultaneous feel not to exceed 4 1/2 seconds. And for this you two overlook this 12-15 or even 18 inches nearer the hole thing and rule this situation in my favor that my ball was not "nearer the hole"."
And so that's what they do. The two rules officials catch Michelle on the way down over behind the Golden Lantana bush and actually cop about a 6 1/2 second feel, that mildly pisses Michelle off.
Unfortunately, Michael Bamberger happens to be hidden over behind a rock near the Golden Lantana bush and he not only videos this whole shennigan-like arrangement but gets it on audio tape. This whole thing breaks in SI, it becomes an National sensation---the two rules officials get slammed in the Brig for lascivious conduct toward a minor (their lawyer argues that Michelle is 6'1" and amazingly nubile for a 16 year old leading his clients to momentarily forget she was a minor but the jury and judge didn't buy that defense).
Michelle becomes an even bigger overnight financial and Pop-star success and replaces Parris Hilton on all the super-market checkout counter rags for at least a full two weeks (Of course featuring the color photo of the simultaneous copped feel behind the Golden Lantana bush under banner headlines that scream "Michelle is pregnant from this secret Dessert tryst!!!!"). Michelle Wie & Co, LLD. PCC, CPO, Inc. eventually rakes in about $3.29 billion in all kinds of marketing schemes.
Best of all, when Michelle finally consents to speak to the press (where she graciously agrees to invite Michael and seat him in the front row center) about this stunt she admits that even though she may've been vaguely unaware that a couple of inches the wrong way could've cost her $53,000 and a DQ under the USGA/R&A Rules of Golf in the Samsung thing, at least she knew there is absolutely NO PENALTY (not even a single shot) in the Rules of Golf for bribing (with an option of cash or a quickly copped simultaneous feel) a couple of lascivious rules officials into seeing things her way in some minor Rule 28, 20-7 and 6-6 cock-up.
Now, THAT woulda been a STORY!!
(At the press conference LA Times golf contributor Geoff Shackelford asked Michelle how she feels now about the bribe option she offered those two rules officials, and Michelle says; "That's a totally great question Geoff---you know, like, thinking about that now I should've, like, offered those two, like, the option of A/ $1 million bucks each to be paid out over five years or B/ A simultaneous copped feel not to exceed 1 1/2 seconds" ).