No doubt Post Tillinghast and with a few other liberties:
I dreamed last night that I was still able to walk and play very quickly. I was in a foursome with three other GCA posters. We were clipping along at a three hour pace on a Golden Age hidden gem. Suddenly at the 17th hole we ran smack into one of the most dilatory eightsomes in the history of the game, the Wrecking Crew times 2 (apologies to Wodehouse). Our pace having slowed from warp to crawl, we were blessed with ample time to indulge in the other GCA favorite pastime, carping all diem long. After requiring an excruciating hour to play the final two holes of our round, we stormed en masse and in step into the golf shop brandishing our short irons in the manner of peasants with pitchforks and torches in horror movies. Despite the inchoate ranting and raving of a quartet of voices speaking in everything but unison, the pro was able to decipher that our discontent arose from the eightsome in front of us and that we were in favor of tar and feathers prior to the prolonged and painful execution of each and every member of the octet.
"Whoa, whoa," the pro said in admonishing tones, "when I tell you fellows what happened you're going to feel really bad. You see we had some blind golfers out here and they got a late start and so what you ran into was the last foursome with their helpers. Now what do you have to say for yourselves."
Player A of the foursome, let's call him Mike Cirba, responds, "You're right I feel really bad. Tell you what, buy them all a drink and have it put on my golf tab."
The pro turns to Player B, let's call him Dan Kelly, and asks, "And what do you have to say."
Too clever to admit that what he is really thinking is envy for Cirba's quick wittedness, Kelly ups the ante and says, "Tell you what, I feel even worse than Mike does, so buy them a dinner and charge it to my golf tab."
Now the pro, Cirba and Kelly are looking at player C, call him Rich Goodale who is even more envious of Kelly, than Kelly was of Cirba, but Rihc's envy is tempered by his gratitude for the strong exchange rate of the GBP, and so he says in an ultimate one upmanship of magnaminity, "I even more distressed than these two hard hearted nativists, so I want you to charge all of their rounds to my golf tab."
Eight expectant and self satisfied eyes turn towards me wondering how I can possibly respond to this without convulsive stuttering, exhausting my vocabulary, and emptying my 401 (k).
"F--- 'em," I say, "There's no good reason why they can't play at night."