Postage Stamp, I have a 3 footer for par that does not matter in our four ball match.  An opponent concedes.  I look up questioningly and get the response from the group "good, good, good" and from the caddies "good, good, not good, not good."  

They had been negotiating the entire round.  I putted and missed.  

We used to place an over / under bet on the cummulative score on a hole for the group and bet a couple of bucks. It can be reaaly fun and help make the round go a little faster. There are definitely times when you would not want one of your players to make a putt, a bit of discretion was needed to stay out of trouble.

I have heard this is very common in the UK, and it sounds like you can vouch for that.

Jim

Another good one Larry,

Caddying in a top caliber tournament about 15 years ago, the other caddy was a guy known more for his drug habit than his green reading. This was validated on our 11th hole when his player had a 10 foot putt for birdie from above the hole:

Player: Mark, what do you think this will do?

Caddy: Well, if it doesn't go a bit to the right, it'll go left.

How's that for covering your self?

Playing Portrush and having one of my better rounds ever in the UK(I'm nervous and unfortuneately scoreconcious-something I rarely am in the UK)

 Our caddie was a DJ at a local nightclub we had "patronized" until the wee hours the night before-in fact he had come straight from the pub with libations for us to take the edge off that morning

We were all at the stage of crankiness and irritability you get late in a morning round after a late night
I hit my drive on from an elevated tee on a semiblind hole about 25 yards right of the aiming marker -I'm anxiously trying to follow it and I gasp "Am I all right??"

He looks at me and grunts-"YOU'RE all right"(then pauses as I began to feel relief)--"but your ball's FOOOCKED!"
particularly funny when spoken with an accent

1984 - Merrill Lynch Seniors Shootout at Newport CC

I am on the bag for Jerry Barber (won the PGA once), who is about 5'2" and I am standing next to him for four or five days at 6'6".   He was a little surly, but the king of surly was Sam Snead ! In a practice round a non-Newport CC caddie was on Sam's bag. The caddie was trying to get on the newly formed Seniors Tour. On around the fourth or fifth hole, the following exchange:

Snead, "How far to the pin?'

Caddy, "147 yards."

Snead hits the shot fat, and it goes into the bunker, short and right.

Snead, "Son, I hit that shot 147 f##king yards and it is in the f##king bunker. What the f##k is my f##king ball doing in the f##king bunker."

Caddie, "You hit it f##king fat."

This was years ago at Nchanga, Northern Rhodesia. Once a year we played a tournament where we not only hit alternate shots, but after hitting your shot, you carried the bag to the ball for your partner to hit the next one. As we all had regulars loopers it was done with great fun and a few bets.

However, there was among us one particular irrascible Afrikaaner who was not what you might call liberal minded in matters of race relations. We cajoled him into playing  by the thought that his caddie was the best player in the shack. Gondwe, the caddies name, had taken a ration of grief all year but wouldn't drop his player as the pay wasn't bad and it sure beat working underground. But this was pay-back time.

The Member hit off first, Gondwe hits an indifferent shot, Member gets it on the green, Gondwe knocks it past three feet, Member misses. It goes on like this for another few holes, by which time the caddie has made every mistake imaginable. The fifth hole crosses the Nchanga stream twice. Member tees off, Gondwe hits ball into stream, Member crosses stream to fairway, Gondwe knocks it into the stream.
Member, in high dudgeon instructs Gondwe to find the ball, Gondwe fails to do so. Member says "You're playing like s**t you may as well throw the f***ing clubs in the river." He did so and the last we saw him was running at full speed for the exit.

Of course, all the equipment for the matches belonged to the Members.
 

I was golfing as wretchedly as humanly possible on opening day at Pacific Dunes a few years ago. Near the end of the round I was so disgusted I was ready to get rid of my clubs. I asked the caddy (a good amateur golfer) if he knew anyone who would be interested in some Wilson Staff blades. He replied he didn't but he said to be sure to mention the virgin sweet spots. I laughed my butt off and a miserable day ended with me in good spirits.

In a local tournament at Muirfield Village, toward the end of the day of the first round, few caddies were left and the one assigned to me was probably a pre-teen and totally new to the game.  Not having played the course before, I was having a nightmare on the ultra-fast and firm greens and a course setup that even Jack Nicklaus criticized as being way too difficult.  By the time we got to the first tee, we were already over an hour behind schedule.

By the 9th hole we were on a six hour pace and my boy was getting bored a bit tired.  Since the group in front of us was still on the tee waiting to hit their shots when, I figured that we had a good 10 minute+ wait so sent my caddy to forecaddy at the bottom of the hill on the left.  I told him to relax until he saw the group in front of us hit their second shots, then he was to watch for our tee shots while standing well away from the landing area.

After a seemingly endless wait, it was finally my turn to hit and I surprised myself by hitting the ball solidly, though down the left side of the fairway.  At worse, I thought that I had a mid-iron to the green from the light rough.

To my horror, we get down to where my ball should be and there is no ball to be seen; nor my caddy, nor my equipment.  My playing companions were too busy doing their own thing, so it was up to me to find my ball, caddie, and equipment.  I did find my caddie some 100 yards fom the landing area playing in the creek.  It took us a couple of minutes to find my bag which he layed down in the tall native vegetation.  We never found my ball.  So, up the hill I walk to the tee.  By that time there was a group on the tee posing, and another coming off the nearby #8.  Of course, I could feel their daggers penetrating my back, and how I made 6 with the lost ball remains one of my most memorable double-bogey in my golfing life.  

At another course I had a caddy who was carrying double look at me directly in the eye early in the round and say something to the effect: "You know Lou, if you keep making me chase your divots all day long, we ain't gonna get along".  Apparently, he felt that I should be replacing them myself as he had too much to do attending to two players.  Of course, his expected fee, around $160 total from his two players, was not to be adjusted accordingly.  For a little under four hours of work, is it any wonder that degreed adults are now replacing kids as caddies at many clubs and resorts?  He sure could read those greens, though.

Dave, Give me a break! Tiger's first go at the old course's finnisher resulted in a purposely sheit read from the caddie.

But, In the first story, the pro was dead wrong telling the am that the putt was downhill, to the back of #2.

In the second, the caddy took the opportunity to teach that premadonna a little something about how to treat people. He still has the seniority, and respect of the committee members, to the extent that they continue to seekout his thoughts on certain matters.


Honestly Dave, I reccommend that you use an alias next time your out on the peninsula. After reading your opinions on caddies, I fear Dave Schmidt, will forever be etched somewhere in the caddyshack.

I can vouch for Lou's "You know Lou, if you keep making me chase your divots all day long, we ain't gonna get along" story as was standing right beside him at the time.  This should actually go on the "how much do you pay a caddy" thread, as this guy deserved the minimum wage (Lou was tearing up the course in spite of him).  But, if you are playing on hallowed ground and the loopers think they are more important than the loopees, what's a guy gonna do?

Fulton Allem to his caddie after snap hooking his 3rd tee shot in a row:  "Give me a club.  I want to break something."

Caddie:  (Deadpan)  "How about trying Par?"

I assume Blue Cross covered most of it.

Allem fired the caddie on the spot if I remember correctly.


I can't remember if this is a joke or a story I read.  In Scotland, an American hits an approach shot through the green that runs down into the bay. Hoping that the ball is just on the sloop. He asks his caddie if he has a change of seeing the ball. The caddie replies, "Well, you know the old scottish saying - Sayonara !"

Our player lets off a triple flutter blast, the content of which went " You said there was no F*****g trap here."  The classic response was... " Nae traps Sorr, bunkers."

Ah, a caddy beloved by all us rules geeks.