Golf Club Atlas
GolfClubAtlas.com => Golf Course Architecture Discussion Group => Topic started by: Pete Blaisdell on December 14, 2011, 07:06:43 AM
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from a woman who identified herself and asked if I was the Mr. Blaisdell who is a rules official. I said yes and she said that her husband wanted to speak to me but I should be aware that he was heavily medicated. I'thought, --What the hell is this?--A man came on the phone and said--Pete , you probably don't remember me but I used to play in a number of USGA qualifiers back in the 90's. The name did ring a bell but I really could not place him. He said that there was a ruling at a Public links qualifier at Gardner municipal where there was a difference of opinion on a situation where two players had a heated discussion concerning a ball moved after address on the putting green.The man on the phone was the player involved and his fellow competitor was adament that the ball had moved. I was not the first official but was brought in as a second opinion because the first official was not sure how to rule on this. It came down to a simple he said-he said and I ruled for the player accused..
The man on the phone said --I have pancreatic cancer, I've been in the hospital for 7 weeks, nothing can be done, I came home to die. I want you to know that the ball did move and I cheated. I have carried this with me for years and I wanted to get it off my chest. It is the reason I stopped playing golf because I was so ashamed of myself. It is the only time in my life I cheated and I want to tell you I'm sorry that I lied to you and the other player..
I told the gentleman that I accept the apology and that it took guts to call . I said I would pray for him.--This really shook me up. I wanted to share this.
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Very moving and a brave call to make.
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Prayers all around! Golf is a powerful game in many ways.
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Let's hope he got the peace he hoped for from having confessed to his transgression.
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A friend of mine has always insisted that there is a strong link between guilt and cancer ... that carrying around all the guilt for something like that will take its toll over time by weakening the immune system and making your body more vulnerable. If that's so, here would be another case study.
I feel sorry for the gentleman in question and hope that he will be able to sleep more peacefully now.
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That is a profoundly tragic story. I hope he finds peace.
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After the first couple sentences of your post Pete I wasn't sure where you were going, but wow...what a touching story.
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A friend of mine has always insisted that there is a strong link between guilt and cancer ... that carrying around all the guilt for something like that will take its toll over time by weakening the immune system and making your body more vulnerable. If that's so, here would be another case study.
I feel sorry for the gentleman in question and hope that he will be able to sleep more peacefully now.
Tom, if this were the case, there wouldn't be a Catholic alive past the age of 40. ;)
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A friend of mine has always insisted that there is a strong link between guilt and cancer ... that carrying around all the guilt for something like that will take its toll over time by weakening the immune system and making your body more vulnerable. If that's so, here would be another case study.
I feel sorry for the gentleman in question and hope that he will be able to sleep more peacefully now.
Tom, if this were the case, there wouldn't be a Catholic alive past the age of 40. ;)
And not an Irishman over 20... ;D
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Brian S...
Golf, and the love of the game, is powerful. I guess that is the only thing that can explain that. Moving story.
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Tom-
I think you have a point.
I logged out to go out and take 2 of my grandchilden to school and on the way back I stopped at my church to light a candle for the gentleman in question.While I was there, the pastor came and I related the story to him. He said that people were inherently good but we are not immune from evil.He said that he was a bit confused why this gentleman's act had such an effect on his conscience as it was such a trivial situation. I said--father, do you play golf? He said no. I said, you need to understand the game to feel the man's pain. I told him that the game itself bordors on a religious experience at times for more people than you could imagine and that integrity and honesty is the heart and soul of the game. He said that perhaps he should investigate the game and try to understand it . I said--Come spring, I'll take you out for a round ,I have an extra set of clubs and I'm betting you will enjoy it.
I have a good collection of books by Darwin and will drop one off to him tomorrow morning for some winter reading. Perhaps, another convert.
Such an amazing game in so many ways. probably the most amazing phone call I ever got. I'll never forget the remorse and heartfelt contrition in the man's voice. I could sense the relief at the end of the conversation..
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Literature, television, and film seems to be full of stories about a man suddenly confronted with his or her own mortality. He has been the kind of guy who plays it safe, doesn't take too many risks, etc. But now that he knows he's going to die soon, he gets up the courage he never had before to go skydiving and do other risky things he was too chicken to do before. The courage involved in that man's admission to you, Pete, is equal--probably greater--than anything else. Incredible story.
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Wow. Sad story. Glad we was able to reach you though and clear his conscious. Will pray for him as well.
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Prayers all around! Golf is a powerful game in many ways.
I don't think Golf has the power - the person does.
Peace
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What did Bobby Jones reply when someone praised him for calling a penalty on himself for an infraction nobody else saw?
Something about you might as well hold up a bank.
If ever in doubt about how to conduct oneself in golf, just take Robert Tyre Jones, Jr. as your model.
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Thanks for sharing that Pete. Has TM seen this?
Joey
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What did Bobby Jones reply when someone praised him for calling a penalty on himself for an infraction nobody else saw?
Something about you might as well hold up a bank.
If ever in doubt about how to conduct oneself in golf, just take Robert Tyre Jones, Jr. as your model.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j407/jleenheerpga/BobbyJones.jpg)
I think this is a testament of what kind of person this gentleman was...and an example of how passionate some people can be about golf.
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Joey
I sent him the link to go to, yes I thought he would want to see it.
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Bill there may be a few who played with Jones early in his career that disagreed with you
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Agreed on early Jones...hopefully, we all grow up.
My cheating story took place in a team try-out at age 13...I was so ashamed to report a score that was not mine to my parents, that I silently vowed to never do so again. As KLynch will attest (being a post-40 Catholic myself), I putt all of them out.
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Imagine an NBA player admitting that he fouled an opponent but didn't admit it.
WW
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How many calls do you think this mans wife had to make. I can see myself on my death bed and telling my wife that I have a single confession to make that has haunted me for the last 20 years. I cheated at golf, really???, she would never believe me and want to know what I was going to tell her before I came up with this lame story. If this is the best death bed confession this guy can do he is either a saint or a very troubled man. I really hope, for the sake of this mans soul, that this was way down on the list of his confessed transgressions.
One other aspect of this story that troubles me is the fact that it is likely that he did not cheat at all. Who hasn't taken a proper drop only to have some overzealous opponent question your opinion of what was correct. Suddenly you start to question yourself and may even take another drop or forfeit the hole just to move on with your life. Not to mention that this is the obscure call of did the ball move or did he address the ball at all. Sounds like a judgement call where he won the tie as established by the rules. That is not cheating.
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Bill there may be a few who played with Jones early in his career that disagreed with you
He had a terrible temper as a young guy, culminating in the pick up on the Eden hole at St Andrews, but I don't think anyone ever accused him of cheating.
Of course most of what we know of Jones was filtered through O. B. Keeler, so who really knows?
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John
I spent 20 minutes on the phone with this gentleman and he was very detailed in his recollection of the incident. I'm still searching my memory trying to remember the details but I do know this. In that situation, and I've had similar situations many times in 34 years, I base my ruling on information that I get from anyone at the site, players, caddies, spectators , marshalls etc. I know what I would have asked the player. Simple question, did the ball move or didn't? I would have in all probability told the player the DEFINITION of BALL MOVED. The gentleman told me on the phone that he clearly knew the ball moved, no doubt but he simply lied to me in disputing his fellow competitor's claim. The gentleman knew instantly he had lied and cheated. No grey area here. The ball moved.
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John
I spent 20 minutes on the phone with this gentleman and he was very detailed in his recollection of the incident. I'm still searching my memory trying to remember the details but I do know this. In that situation, and I've had similar situations many times in 34 years, I base my ruling on information that I get from anyone at the site, players, caddies, spectators , marshalls etc. I know what I would have asked the player. Simple question, did the ball move or didn't? I would have in all probability told the player the DEFINITION of BALL MOVED. The gentleman told me on the phone that he clearly knew the ball moved, no doubt but he simply lied to me in disputing his fellow competitor's claim. The gentleman knew instantly he had lied and cheated. No grey area here. The ball moved.
Pete,
Have you researched to see how he finished in the tournament? I think this could have a bearing in the validity of his story.
The only person who I really know is me and I can tell you that I have done things in my life that upon reflection are different than how they appeared to me at the time. Even though I know what I did was not wrong the burden of guilt over years of better choices weighs heavy on the actions of my youth.
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John
This happened back in the late 90's. I would have to back in my files to find the qualifier in question. I know what the qualifier was and where it was conducted but I rarely keep results, I usually keep the local rules sheet and the official's assignment sheets but for the results I would probably have to contact the MGA or Golf House for that info.
John , to be quite honest, I really don't care to do that. It's not important to me in that sense. I feel for the man and the pain he's carried all these years, the fact that he has let this situation weigh so heavily on his mind leads me to leave it as is. Just a sad situation in every sense but as many have already stated, if the man finds some peace in our phone conversation, then I'm good with that .
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I need to ask my oncology friend if golf causes cancer.
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John
This happened back in the late 90's. I would have to back in my files to find the qualifier in question. I know what the qualifier was and where it was conducted but I rarely keep results, I usually keep the local rules sheet and the official's assignment sheets but for the results I would probably have to contact the MGA or Golf House for that info.
John , to be quite honest, I really don't care to do that. It's not important to me in that sense. I feel for the man and the pain he's carried all these years, the fact that he has let this situation weigh so heavily on his mind leads me to leave it as is. Just a sad situation in every sense but as many have already stated, if the man finds some peace in our phone conversation, then I'm good with that .
Good, it's not like he went on to win and play in the Masters.
I find it interesting how you say you investigate these disputes fully. Do you feel like you failed the man somehow by believing his lie? Have you ever called against a player when you thought he was lying? Does a golfer who lies get the benefit of the doubt if all other things are equal?
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I've got my regrets in life for a few stupid/selfish things I've done over the years. But I sure wish to hell they were only as minor as this...
At least the guy got it off his chest, regardless of how insignificant it is in the grand scheme of things!!
P.S. And yes, I was that guy on the basketball court who always owned up to my fouls...even if the ref didn't call it.
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Everyone who calls a penalty on themselves are not saints. I remember once a caddie who moved a twig near my ball in a poorly marked hazard just as I was walking up. It was the third hole of the day and the bets were still low so I called the penalty as my caddie begged me to let it go. My motives were two fold, one, I was sick and tired of a poorly trained caddie corps and felt this was the best way to prove my point. And two, it gave me an opening to press in a game where I was clearly favored. I'm sure it doubled my winnings.
Bobby Jones did the same thing by calling this penalty on himself. Golfers and men must build trust equity and put it in the bank at every opportunity. There will come a time to cash in and, as the Bible says, the rewards will be seven fold.
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I thank Pete for sharing the story. It has many sides and means different things to different people, depending on their own value system.
In a way, to me, it has sort of the flavor of the theme behind Dickens Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol". The theme of atonement, repair of the soul, has many versions in literature. This poor fellow hears the sound of 'angels wings' and is trying to put things right. If we all have the misfortune of being handed this sort of highly defined time line= death sentence like this cancer, as compared to being hit by lightening, most will have some sort of opportunity to put transgressions right. I've seen some men die peaceful and happily resigned to accept a next step, or no step. And, I've seen some panicked and tortured souls pass to a fearful place.
But, I think it is good that we share stories like this, for all of our sakes...
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Everyone who calls a penalty on themselves are not saints. I remember once a caddie who moved a twig near my ball in a poorly marked hazard just as I was walking up. It was the third hole of the day and the bets were still low so I called the penalty as my caddie begged me to let it go. My motives were two fold, one, I was sick and tired of a poorly trained caddie corps and felt this was the best way to prove my point. And two, it gave me an opening to press in a game where I was clearly favored. I'm sure it doubled my winnings.
Bobby Jones did the same thing by calling this penalty on himself. Golfers and men must build trust equity and put it in the bank at every opportunity. There will come a time to cash in and, as the Bible says, the rewards will be seven fold.
This may be your best post over. Just classic.... Where do you come up with this shit?
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Everyone who calls a penalty on themselves are not saints. I remember once a caddie who moved a twig near my ball in a poorly marked hazard just as I was walking up. It was the third hole of the day and the bets were still low so I called the penalty as my caddie begged me to let it go. My motives were two fold, one, I was sick and tired of a poorly trained caddie corps and felt this was the best way to prove my point. And two, it gave me an opening to press in a game where I was clearly favored. I'm sure it doubled my winnings.
Bobby Jones did the same thing by calling this penalty on himself. Golfers and men must build trust equity and put it in the bank at every opportunity. There will come a time to cash in and, as the Bible says, the rewards will be seven fold.
This may be your best post over. Just classic.... Where do you come up with this shit?
I have been blessed with an interesting and full life. I still remember my opponents on the forth tee arguing that I could not press because I called the penalty on myself and they did not see the infraction. My poor caddie had to testify to his own stupidity for the penalty to stand. I believe he learned a lesson he will never forget.
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I guess I'd better make sure that my wife has unlimited text and voice on her cell phone.
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Did he mention if he called his fellow competitor to confess to him as well?
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P.S. And yes, I was that guy on the basketball court who always owned up to my fouls...even if the ref didn't call it.
That's pretty much how all pickup hoops is played. No refs, an occasional fight, but mostly a beautiful game.
Hope I don't get any phone calls like the one above.
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Looks like John needs more Bible study time and less GCA chit-chat.
The actual saying is this:
Proverbs 6:30-31
30People do not despise a thief if he steals
to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry,
31but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold;
he will give all the goods of his house.
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Wow... just wow.
Thanks for sharing Pete.
Are you ok with me sharing this story outside of GCA? I think it would be a great story to tell some young golfers
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John
I have no idea if he did and it did cross my mind to ask but I did not feel it was my place to ask. It was a very emotional conversation and I was being very careful to not say the wrong thing. There were many long pauses in the conversation. It was probably a seven or eight minute talk that took twenty minutes. I let him do most of the talking because he obviously knew more about the situation than I did. I'm still trying to remember. I know the course and the competition .I'm fuzzy on the time and the actual situation. I've made 1000's of rulings in 34 years and I just can't get a handle on it. Maybe it will come to me if I don't try so hard.
Mark
Go ahead, I've already shared most of the details with a number of people.
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Too bad the USGA didn't change that stupid rule 20 years ago, instead of finally getting around to it for next year -- the poor guy would have lived a much more peaceful life.
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Pete - you sound like a very compassionate and thoughtful fellow. I'm glad that dying man was fortunate enought to have you on the other end of the line.
Peter
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noone has asked, but i assume he qualfied for the PubLinx as a result of this incident? Did that ever come up in the conversation?
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To bad the USGA didn't change that stupid rule 20 years ago, instead of finally getting around to it for next year -- the poor guy would have lived a much more peaceful life.
Absurd rule, indeed.
The more I think about this story, though, the more the man's mindset confuses me.
I wonder if the medication was playing a part in the gravity with which he associated the crime. Does nearing death / ensuing treatment cause a man to attribute importance to certain things which really have little in the grand scheme of things?
Brian I’m left wondering why you and John K are intent on writing a back story to this, instead of accepting it for a really touching story as told by Pete?
I think most feel the same way. Humbled to read of a guy on his death bed who wants to make amends; appropriately for here, it concerns golf. We feel for him and his wife. Amen.
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Brian I never thought you were shit stirring. It just seems to me that many of us who read it are older than you and it just stopped us in our tracks.
It’s funny where each of us places our values. “Just a game”, “it’s only work”. It seems to me Pete’s tale is a microcosm of Citizen Kane, his Rosebud if you like. We can never fully understand why he recalled this, but it meant a lot to him.
I only hope his wife found some solace in helping him. Perhaps she even found some understanding as to why e suddenly gave up golf and that must have informed her more about her man.
But now I’m writing a back story and I prefer to contemplate what I find is a rich tale and I’m happy to think about the facts Pete presents us with.
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My point is: It's only a game
Brian...with all due respect, I disagree. It is a way of life. And not just golf, we live our lives to be representative of who we are. That is, EVERYTHING we do in our life should reflect who we are and what are values are; golf included. Obviously, this man loved golf and feel he betrayed it with his actions. Of course, we all make mistakes...but we should strive to correct them as best we can. This man finally did. I say good for him.
Kind of a mantra of mine...
"no such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time, all you got is life time"
Name the band and the song for a free round of golf at The 'mont.
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My point is: It's only a game
Brian...with all due respect, I disagree. It is a way of life. And not just golf, we live our lives to be representative of who we are. That is, EVERYTHING we do in our life should reflect who we are and what are values are; golf included. Obviously, this man loved golf and feel he betrayed it with his actions. Of course, we all make mistakes...but we should strive to correct them as best we can. This man finally did. I say good for him.
Kind of a mantra of mine...
"no such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time, all you got is life time"
Name the band and the song for a free round of golf at The 'mont.
Ummm, lets see!!
Artist is Henry Rollins
Song is Shine
;D I cheated, I googled it
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Looks like John needs more Bible study time and less GCA chit-chat.
The actual saying is this:
Proverbs 6:30-31
30People do not despise a thief if he steals
to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry,
31but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold;
he will give all the goods of his house.
I can't tell you how insulting I find it that you think I ever attended "Bible study". The number seven is a common number throughout the Bible and the human condition. Do something good or bad and it comes back sevenfold. Quite simple actually.
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This is a subject where there are general thoughts but no right and wrong. I have found in my case when you are facing death or should I say the prospect of death, it does create introspective thoughts. It certainly could easily bring one to want to make peace so to speak with things in their life they were uncomfortable with. The man above clearly had a rules moment so very out of character for him that i haunted him. I am glad he found a way to ease the guilt and give a feeling that he was addressing his death with his head high. In my case I have always found a way to convince myself that I will survive and getting ones affairs in order is just good business. I have not faced that moment where all doubt is removed and one is 30 to 60 days from death like the man here. Bless him
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Dveryone deals with disease, sickness and death in different ways and for me to sit here and judge someone who believes himself to be on his death bed who is going through the necessary steps he feels he needs to follow to put himself at peace would be the true problem....not this man calling to make amends.
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Wow... just wow.
Thanks for sharing Pete.
Are you ok with me sharing this story outside of GCA? I think it would be a great story to tell some young golfers
What exactly do you think young golfers can learn from this story?
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John, don't know if you have kids, but there is a great lesson to be learned from this story, especially if you have kids. I know that I will share it with my 2 teenage sons who both play the game. Unfortunately, there aren't too many sports as honorable as golf any more and there aren't to many good lessons coming out of modern sport.
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There is more honor, facially at least, in this game because the nature of the violation process is that we are all conditioned to rat ourselves out. Which ain't easy. But it's right. And there's a lesson to be taught in that. But it is a game. It is only a game. If you want to use the game to reinforce morality with your kids, that strikes me as fine, but the guilt that this caller felt is a hair shirt best worn by the golf version of opus dei. I wouldn't try to impose that kind of guilt on a kid or applaud it as an adult. It's a little creepy.
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a hair shirt best worn by the golf version of opus dei.
Quote of the year by the honorable Lavin maybe?
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Interesting story and a testament perhaps more to how people review their lives when faced with the end than anything else.
I have just returned from a large medical convention, much of which was concerned with haematological cancers, and I didn't hear any papers on associations between cancers and guilt, golf (cheating or not), being a Catholic or an Irishman. Perhaps these are areas for future research.
There are some well known lifestyle and medical associations with pancreatic cancer, so responsible factors more likely to be one of those.
Declaration of Interest: Raised Catholic but gave up it. Still Irish, though. Had a little look at my own mortality recently too. No admissions of cheating at golf to make.
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http://www.myavidgolfer.com/blog/
Picked-up by another site. Going viral.
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http://www.myavidgolfer.com/blog/
Picked-up by another site. Going viral.
much "better than caffeine"
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Nothing like a death bed confession going viral. I guess the guy is getting what he deserves.
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John
I find your post to be offensive unless I misinterpret your point. Could you enlighten me, please?
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http://www.myavidgolfer.com/blog/
Picked-up by another site. Going viral.
And by Geoff Shackelford:
http://www.geoffshackelford.com/homepage/2011/12/14/i-have-carried-this-with-me-for-years-and-i-wanted-to-get-it.html (http://www.geoffshackelford.com/homepage/2011/12/14/i-have-carried-this-with-me-for-years-and-i-wanted-to-get-it.html)
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John
I find your post to be offensive unless I misinterpret your point. Could you enlighten me, please?
Well, this thread has weighed heavy on my mind and it is my opinion that you crossed the line posting the confession on the internet. Sorry if you find my opinion offensive. It is now only a matter of time before this man is outed to his friends. I don't think that was his point in calling you.
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I cheated in 1975 at the State Insurors Youth Classic at Riverbend Country Club in Shebyville, Tennessee. I hit my approach to the first green way right, likely OB. I declared a provisional which I stiffed. I found the first ball barely in bounds but in a horrible lie. I declared it unplayable, played the OB provisional and made 5. My playing partners said nary a word but a group on the next tee mocked me. I just didn't know the rule - but also didn't bother following up after the round, which wound up being a guilt-laden 85 after my first day 75 left me a couple of shots off the lead.
Like the time we got arrested in high school for water-ballooning an old gentlemen in a phonebooth on the town square (the police report read "four white dudes in a brown Oldsmobile drove by and shot at me"), I don't feel any guilt over the incident. Just part of the learning and discernment processes.
The fact that I remember this ethical lapse while having forgotten so many others of greater import and impact doesn't say anything about the game of golf but it does say a lot about me - that I very much continue to be a work in progress.
Mike
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John
The only person who knows this man's name is me and it's not going anywhere.
The only reason I posted this was to present a true human interest situation for the members of GCA to consider.No name involved.
If you feel I crossed the line, you're entitled to your opinion. I sleep good at night.I did the best I could with a difficult situation that presented itself out of the blue. I feel you and a couple of others have twisted this into something it isn't.
Your opinion is so noted.
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Pete there's no reason you should not sleep at night. John is gripping at straws for as long as possible. I for one thank you for sharing the story. I also commend you for being cautious not to list particular details in order to protect the privacy of the gentleman who called you.
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Pete,
There are only 35,000 people who die from pancreatic cancer each year. I have golfed at a level where I could play in qualifiers for over 30 years and know of every golfer in my area of the same skill level. If this story does go viral someone will eventually put the pieces together and figure out who this man is, or worse, falsely accuse a man who is dying. The sample size of one time fine golfers dying of pancreatic cancer is too small to think he will remain anonymous.
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On the South Side of Chicago, we would simply conclude that this guy is "axing" for it, even though he may not have foreseen the exact vehicle for transmission of the heart-rending details of his deathbed unburdening.
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Pete-I can`t imagine when you posted this that you had any inkling that it would travel outside the umbrella of GCA. That said I think it would really be a shame if this got back to the individual,his family or circle of friends. After all when you go into the confessional it`s with the understanding that it`s for you and the padre`s ears only. Given what has transpired I wonder if it wasn`t better left between the gentlemen,his wife and yourself. As far as this being used as a life lesson for a kid I don`t think I feel the need to tell it to my 16 year old son who by the way plays junior golf.
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Did anyone post this link yet?
http://www.golfweek.com/news/2011/dec/15/phone-call-official-testament-rules-golf/
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Given what has transpired I wonder if it wasn`t better left between the gentlemen,his wife and yourself.
+1. Seems like a very personal issue. I hope Pete at least checked with the gentleman or his wife prior to turning the story into national news.
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I just hope well for everyone ;D
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An interesting back story to all this is how great a guy Pete appears to be. I had never heard of him before today but found this interesting profile. He is obviously a great asset to the game.
http://www.keene.edu/newsevents/default.cfm?Type=NewsDetail&News_ID=1926
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Gentlemen:
Let me be very clear about this situation. When I act, speak or write, I have thought about it. People who know me can tell you I don't act on emotion and just pop off with an opinion.I am very careful. I was brought by my father who was the greatest man I ever knew who did more in his lifetime to justify his time on this planet than any ten people I know combined.Very compassionate human being.
I took great pains to protect this gentleman when I disclosed this situation.I felt it was a great life lesson and one that was important to share.I did not disclose certain parts of the conversation in order to protect the man's privacy.I did include a couple of items for misdirection purposes in order to throw off any budding " Sherlock Holmes "out there. These items were trivial and did nothing to add to the power of the situation. I have a long history of dealing with the media as my father's chief of staff. I am well versed in their tactics. Guys, I just didn't get off the boat.
I'm fine with what I did in sharing this story. This man will not be embarrassed or ridiculed. Took guts to do what he did. I can understand his actions from my own personal experience of spending 3 weeks in Illinois Masonic Hospital in Chicago in 1982. I was given last rites and they flew my wife to Chicago in a private plane because They thought I was going to die. I weighed 118 pounds and was bleeding out. They gave me enough morphine to kill a horse but my mind worked and I can understand the " phone call " better than most. I will again address this situation at the appropriate time.
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Isn't it funny how confession is so often discussed in terms of the well advertised Catholic ritual. As many of my non-Catholic friends will tell you, it is quite the treat. Lucky us. I've spent the last couple of days thinking about the rite of confession and how it applies to golfers and everyone in general. I found this tid bit, I hate to confess on Wikipedia, that relates well to the topic at hand.
Judaism, confession (Hebrew וִדּוּי Widduy; Viddui) is a step in the process of atonement during which a Jew admits to committing a sin before God. In sins between a Jew and God, the confession must be done without others present (The Talmud calls confession in front of another a show of disrespect). On the other hand, confession pertaining to sins done to another person are permitted to be done publicly, and in fact Maimonides calls such confession "immensely praiseworthy".
The confession of a sin in itself does not bring immediate forgiveness, but rather it marks a point in time after which a person's demonstration of the recognition and avoidance of similar future transgressions show whether he or she has truly recovered from the sin and therefore whether he or she deserves forgiveness for it.
followed by this on Deathbed Confession:
The Talmud[10] teaches that “if one falls sick and his life is in danger, he is told: “Make confession, for all who are sentenced to death make confession.”” Masechet Semachot[11] adds that “When someone is approaching death, we tell him to confess before he dies, adding that on the one hand, many people confessed and did not die, whilst on the other, there are many who did not confess and died, and there are many who walk in the street and confess; because on the merit of confession you will live.” Similar language is employed in the Shulchan Aruch’s codification where it is ruled that the following text should be recited to the terminally ill: “Many have confessed but have not died; and many who have not confessed died. And many who are walking outside in the marketplace confess. By the merit of your confession, you shall live. And all who confess have a place in the World-to-Come.”[12]
The patient is then to recite the deathbed Viduy. There is an abbreviated form[13] intended for those in a severely weakened state and an elongated form,[14] “obviously if the sick person wishes to add more to his confession – even the Viduy of Yom Kippur – he is permitted to do so”.[15] Afterwards it is also encouraged for the patient to recite the Shema, enunciate acceptance of the Thirteen Principles of Faith and to donate some money to charity.
The entire article can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confession_in_Judaism
I have always found Judaism much cooler than Catholicism and would be interested in what we can learn about this incident. My favorite quote from above is that (The Talmud calls confession in front of another a show of disrespect). I don't that applies here because the golfer did sin against Pete by lying to his face. Sadly I do believe the golfer once again harmed Pete by making the call. The question is, would he have done a better service to himself and Pete by confessing just to God and himself. Obviously yes.
The second aspect of this is what would you do if you were the playing partner that called the infraction and was shot down. I take it that he signed the scorecard that day and did not go to great pains telling everyone the guy was a cheat. In other words, he was a better man than me. This is where the story will get interesting and a hero may emerge that can teach future golfers. I hope we hear from him.
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If we hear from the playing partner, then all hope for anonymity is lost. If, at all, we wish to preserve anonymity.
Only Pete can say for certain if he was once again harmed or offended by the golfer and his revelation. Since Pete was unaware that the golfer was lying initially, was Pete initially harmed? The other golfer might have been, but Pete?
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If we hear from the playing partner, then all hope for anonymity is lost. If, at all, we wish to preserve anonymity.
Only Pete can say for certain if he was once again harmed or offended by the golfer and his revelation. Since Pete was unaware that the golfer was lying initially, was Pete initially harmed? The other golfer might have been, but Pete?
I wish I would have had you as a teacher in High School. If a student successfully plagiarizes himself to an A in your class do you really believe that age old wisdom that he only is hurting himself? How can the sin be worse than the crime if no one is harmed? What would be anyones motivation to not lie if the only harm is in getting caught?
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So you're saying you got caught plagiarizing, John? Or that you wish you would have done more of it? I have no idea what you do for a living, but _____________________________________ (this part was communicated to John via PM.)
If you understand what I wrote, you understand that I did not suggest that no one got hurt. How can one be hurt if one is unaware? I don't know if Pete shook the dust off his hands and considered the matter closed (to be revisited just recently) or if he was nagged by a suspicion that the fellow was lying, or something in between the two. What I do know is, the other competitor knew that the fellow had cheated and so, was hurt by the cheater's actions. And yet, ultimately, the other fellow knew that Pete had to rule the way he ruled, since there was no other evidence beyond what either player attested.
If one suggests that, in a cosmic, spiritual way, we are all hurt by all transgressions, fine.
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The pain of being played the fool is far deeper during the lie than upon revelation.
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The pain of being played the fool is far deeper during the lie than upon revelation.
John, how so?
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The pain of being played the fool is far deeper during the lie than upon revelation.
Boy am I screwed.
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I am not of the school that believes what you don't know won't hurt you. I think we have all had our heart broken by someone who chose to play us for the fool when a clean break would have been less painful.
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Wow guys. A touching story gets touchy between GCA members....
As a rules official, after collecting all information concerning a possible infraction, if there is no clear answer to the evidence, the benefit of doubt is given to the player. If the player lies, that's something the player must live with. It's an on the spot decision.
Call it corny if you will but in my mind this is what makes golf the greatest game on the planet. Honor, integrity. It's a reflection of how someone lives there life, not just plays a game. That's MY opinion and how I choose to live my life.
"Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's." ~Grantland Rice
Pete, thanks for sharing.
Ken
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John and I got it sorted out via PM...nothing touchy at all. I recommend the PM ... we should know instinctively to avoid the "Post" button and keep thing private. As John's people say, We good.
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Wow guys. A touching story gets touchy between GCA members....
As a rules official, after collecting all information concerning a possible infraction, if there is no clear answer to the evidence, the benefit of doubt is given to the player. If the player lies, that's something the player must live with. It's an on the spot decision.
Call it corny if you will but in my mind this is what makes golf the greatest game on the planet. Honor, integrity. It's a reflection of how someone lives there life, not just plays a game. That's MY opinion and how I choose to live my life.
"Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's." ~Grantland Rice
Pete, thanks for sharing.
Ken
Ken,
The structure of the rules and how they are enforced is what I like most less about the game. Overzealous competitors who call infractions that lead to a he said she said scenario hold no honor. My youngest son lost interest is competitive golf for this very reason. I went to pick him up after a tournament and found him sitting alone crying because another child's parents had called him a cheat. It seems his ball hit a tree in a lateral hazard and bounced back into play. They, non golfers, said that because the ball was in a hazard it was a penalty whether it came out on its own or not. It ended up being a prolonged argument where he became confused and took the penalty because they refused to play on until he agreed. The adults, he was 10, convinced him he was a cheat.
Now I know this is unusual and extreme but in my opinion it is what happened here. If this man is truly as pure as he says I seriously doubt that he believed his ball moved that day. After years of reflection, or maybe even later that day, his mind started to doubt and guilt built it up to what his opponent wanted him to believe and admit. It should have never gotten this far. The opponent should have accepted his opinion and not brought one official, or in this instance two to the scene.
I see nothing good about either scenario or a game that needs to be officiated as such. This is why I only play match play against opponents in my group. An ideal game is one where the ball is never touched until you reach the green and if you lose the ball you start with you lose the hole.
If there was truly honor in the game we would not have rules officials. No offense, but I see most of you guys like small town cops who wear your rule book on your sleeve like a pearl handled glock. For golf to truly have honor we need to go back to the wild west where men settled disputes between each other. Wedges at ten paces.
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Ken,
The structure of the rules and how they are enforced is what I like most less about the game. Overzealous competitors who call infractions that lead to a he said she said scenario hold no honor. My youngest son lost interest is competitive golf for this very reason. I went to pick him up after a tournament and found him sitting alone crying because another child's parents had called him a cheat. It seems his ball hit a tree in a lateral hazard and bounced back into play. They, non golfers, said that because the ball was in a hazard it was a penalty whether it came out on its own or not. It ended up being a prolonged argument where he became confused and took the penalty because they refused to play on until he agreed. The adults, he was 10, convinced him he was a
you reach the green and if you lose the ball you start with you lose the hole.
If there was truly honor in the game we would not have rules officials. No offense, but I see most of you guys like small town cops who wear your rule book on your sleeve like a pearl handled glock. For golf to truly have honor we need to go back to the wild west where men settled disputes between each other. Wedges at ten paces.
Jaka,
I see your point and I hope your son found his way back to playing. I believe in the end, the whole situation could have been a great learning experience. Standing up for yourself even against adults if you believe you are right and the need to know the rules of the game to play in tournaments. I've dealt with parents like that many times and it doesn't matter if little Jimmy is playing tennis, soccer, football or whatever. They would still be pains in the butt.
As far as playing the role as small town cops, I'd counter that I've always felt like a coach/teacher than a cop. Most rules officials act this way. No one is looking for the "gotcha" moment to nail a competitor for doing something wrong. Are there "Hometown Harrys" that act like cops? Sure, but they don't last long because no one wants them around.
Do conflicts sometimes arise between players? Of course. What sport doesn't have that. It doesn't mean we stop playing because of it. The day your son played, he was failed by the adults in the group who didn't know what they were talking about and weren't smart enough to say so. Sounds like the game exposed the parents for what they really are.
Ken
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John,
We clearly run in different circles because Joe Sixpack who plays public golf is not a stickler for the rules. I see numerous rules violations again and again, and none of us feel compelled to say anything...unless its the obvious blatant ones like foot wedging to get the ball back in play.
Not everyone takes this game dead serious.....hell I would bet there are more players like that over the hardcore rules mavens.
As for me, i play the game to the best knowledge of the rules and take my scores/decisions accordingly.
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As far as playing the role as small town cops, I'd counter that I've always felt like a coach/teacher than a cop. Most rules officials act this way. No one is looking for the "gotcha" moment to nail a competitor for doing something wrong. Are there "Hometown Harrys" that act like cops? Sure, but they don't last long because no one wants them around.
Do conflicts sometimes arise between players? Of course. What sport doesn't have that. It doesn't mean we stop playing because of it. The day your son played, he was failed by the adults in the group who didn't know what they were talking about and weren't smart enough to say so. Sounds like the game exposed the parents for what they really are.
Ken
I'm usually wrong in interpreting John, but I think he's not saying the officials act like small town cops, he's saying the mere presence results in players not being able to mediate their own disputes (hence his belief there is not much honor).
None of these things are easy, hence the need for officials, imho. All of the officials I know, to a man, have the players best interests at heart and work hard to resolve disputes under that premise.
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No offense, but I see most of you guys like small town cops who wear your rule book on your sleeve like a pearl handled glock.
George, if the above quote isn't an insult, I don't know what is.
Pete, thanks for sharing your story and I'm sorry John Kavanaugh has managed to turn the thread into what it now is. Yet another unintended "GTK JakaB".
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John,
We clearly run in different circles because Joe Sixpack who plays public golf is not a stickler for the rules. I see numerous rules violations again and again, and none of us feel compelled to say anything...unless its the obvious blatant ones like foot wedging to get the ball back in play.
Not everyone takes this game dead serious.....hell I would bet there are more players like that over the hardcore rules mavens.
As for me, i play the game to the best knowledge of the rules and take my scores/decisions accordingly.
Kalen,
Just last year you incorrectly called a penalty on a stranger.
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I don't see any honor in a game where parents have to protect their children from other competitors.
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I don't see any honor in a game where parents have to protect their children from other competitors.
Shouldn't that read "from other competitors parents"?
We all know people with less than honorable intentions or motives, but until I see a similar thread from a referee or umpire in any other sport I'll continue to believe that the game is an honorable one.
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Jim,
In a chicken or egg situation I blame the rules before the parents.
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I don't see any honor in a game where parents have to protect their children from other competitors.
It is easy to see how John is disillusioned with the process after relating what happened to his son at a junior tournament at the hands of over zealous and ill informed parents. Both in the Connecticut PGA Section`s junior tournaments(with the exception of their 2 day championship) and High School matches there are no spectators allowed. As far as the PGA junior tournaments that decision was made directly as a result of meddlesome parents. The kids are better off learning the game in that fashion especially under medal play conditions. If they can`t agree inside their group only then is a rules official summoned. Rules officials who do it on a volunteer basis and have the requisite training have the games best interest at heart and by and large are a credit to the game we all love so.
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As Pete Blaisdell said, in the absence of any contrary evidence the ruling is always made in favor of the player. How much more honorable can you get than that, i.e. endowing the player with trust?
It's a very 'religious' concept, akin to giving humans free will.
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Didn't God give us Moses to limit thousands of Comandments down to ten. We need those in charge of the rules to have the vision to do the same. Sadly it is easier to part a man from his money than his power. The modern rules official and overzealous competitors relish that power more than the game.
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You have that wrong, Mel Brooks came down from the mountain with more than ten ;)
I may be remembering this incorrectly, but the ten commandments were the basis for the 600+ laws of Moses that followed. That sounds very similar to our present rules of golf which started with 13 and have been compounded to the present day number, along with decisions.
We've all met some rules fools, but the outcome of their folly is usually the same, they become pariahs. If you were tell any number of people the story of your son's tribulations at the hand of adults I don't think any one of them would look unkindly upon the rules or the game, but they would surely question the intentions of the parents.
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Didn't God give us Moses to limit thousands of Comandments down to ten. We need those in charge of the rules to have the vision to do the same. Sadly it is easier to part a man from his money than his power. The modern rules official and overzealous competitors relish that power more than the game.
JK,man you like to cite the Chosen People.You're not one of those Madonna-like Kabbalah devotees are you?
I think you need to distinguish between Rules Officials and lay people working at area amateur events.I agree that the lay person occasionally allows the power to go to his head--usually with bad results.
However,guys who've taken the time to go through workshops tend to have better judgement.
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Even after several days to think about it, I still don't know what to make of this. I mean, if I'm on my deathbed and I'm thinking about making amends to people, an amateur golf tournament qualifier seems down the list. It seems odd - perhaps that's even why the wife told you that he was heavily sedated. Did you perhaps wonder if he was calling any other people to make amends about other things? I mean, how did he even know your name to begin with? Is it common for amateur golfers to know the names of volunteer rules officials?
I mean talk about a statistical outlier or Rain Man-esque but of recall (or research). After several decades pass, a guy is able to contact the rules official from a qualifier on a ruling? I think there is just as much a story that he was able to get a hold of you as there is in him doing it! I mean even the fertile mind of John Kavanaugh couldn't dream up this scenario!
Again, kudos to him if he truly is a golf nut who feels remorse about the incident.
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There is something about this whole story that just doesn't sit right with me. A man, on his death bed, has his wife research and dig up the phone number of a rules official from a tournament as long as 20 years ago to apologize for cheating. He states this is the only time he has ever cheated in his life. Never cheated before in golf? Never in school? Never bent the rules at work? Handled everything perfectly at home? Call me cynical but if someone has cheated once, chance are he has cheated before. Not saying he is pathological but I am guessing it wasn't the only time. I think there is more here, possible including the belief that he may have somatized himself. I might very well be wrong but just my 2 cents worth.
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Now that I know what somatize means, I can continue.
Guys, it may not be as far-fetched as it seems. Pete indicated that he shifted a few things around to preserve the anonymity of the player in question. For all we know, they were great friends!
Give us enough time (or boredom) and we'll suspect the number of eyes we see staring back at us in the mirror.
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Now that I know what somatize means, I can continue.
Guys, it may not be as far-fetched as it seems. Pete indicated that he shifted a few things around to preserve the anonymity of the player in question. For all we know, they were great friends!
Give us enough time (or boredom) and we'll suspect the number of eyes we see staring back at us in the mirror.
If he admittedly shifted a few things around why shouldn`t people have reservations or questions about the account?
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Tim, good point. I don't know Pete, so I have to go with my gut and clarify in this way...
The initial episode and confession are 100% as reported. The out-of-the-blue is not...the player must have had some way of finding Pete beyond out-of-the-blue.
I didn't mean to EVER suggest that the story was invented, just that "the facts have been changed to protect the innocent."
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If you compete in a number of state sanctioned tournaments and USGA regional and sectioal qualifiers in the same area you get to know the officials. Pete Blaisdell is highly respected thru his body of work so it is almost assured that the golfer knew with whom he was interacting. Getting his contact information wouldn't be impossible.
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Golfweek published where the incident occurred. Was that a lie too?
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Pete Blaisdell mentioned the "where" in his original post, and I'll bet that by now he's wishing he never created this topic in the first place. :-\
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"I took great pains to protect this gentleman when I disclosed this situation.I felt it was a great life lesson and one that was important to share.I did not disclose certain parts of the conversation in order to protect the man's privacy.I did include a couple of items for misdirection purposes in order to throw off any budding " Sherlock Holmes "out there. These items were trivial and did nothing to add to the power of the situation. I have a long history of dealing with the media as my father's chief of staff. I am well versed in their tactics. Guys, I just didn't get off the boat."
Here is the quote from Pete...Good for him.
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I'd hate to be a golfer dying or recently dead from pancreatic cancer. Denying that I was the cheater would be exhausting. Personally, I think it was a woman.
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I don't see any honor in a game where parents have to protect their children from other competitors.
Shouldn't that read "from other competitors parents"?
We all know people with less than honorable intentions or motives, but until I see a similar thread from a referee or umpire in any other sport I'll continue to believe that the game is an honorable one.
Currently sitting in a hotel room after attending the US Junior Squash Open today in Boston. There are 750 kids playing from 24 countries. US Squash has a simple rule, after you play a match, you and your opponent have to referee the next match on that court.
In order for an American to enter a Gold/National event, they have to pass a referee exam. International players get an exemption but they all know the rules in the older divisions.
The only problems I have seen is when the younger kids referee older kids matches (12 year old girls refereeing 18 year old boys....) and one time when a mother helped her daughter referee a match because "she was tired". 95% of the kids take it seriously and occasionally on first matches of the day there is sometimes some confusion, but that is about it for referee/parent issues.
I have never seen it, but at the British Junior Open (#1 Jr tournament), there are only adult referees as a contrast.
From my eyes, give the kids the responsibility and they will respond.
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I mean talk about a statistical outlier or Rain Man-esque but of recall (or research). After several decades pass, a guy is able to contact the rules official from a qualifier on a ruling? I think there is just as much a story that he was able to get a hold of you as there is in him doing it! I mean even the fertile mind of John Kavanaugh couldn't dream up this scenario!
Well you see there is this thing called the internet which I know you are at least vaguely aware of since you posted this on the internet.
If the incident haunted this man enough that he would reach out on his death bed to the rules official involved then there is a chance that he might have remembered his name all these years. Then all you have to do is go to Google, type in "Pete Blaisdell" and the first result is for the Linked In contact information for people named Pete Blaisdell. Click on the link and the fifth entry down is for a man pictured in a golf cart from the greater Boston area (where Gardner municipal is located) with the note that he is an independent sports professional. Also on the google results page four entries below the Linked In link is another link to a long profile of a prominent golf official from the Boston area named Pete Blaisdell. All this research takes less than 1 minute.
Mr. Blaisdell has probably been involved in thousands of rulings on golf courses during his career so there is no reason for him to remember this particular one. The man on the phone said he was involved in only that single incidence of cheating which caused him to quit the game and haunted him to his death. It is very easy to believe that he knew and remembered the rules official's name.
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Knowing it was a woman seems to make the pieces fit. My wife asked me why this thread has bothered me so deeply. I'm not sure but this makes all the difference. There is just something touching about the guilt of a good woman. I think, even I, can learn from this now.
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I f this has gone ‘viral’ (and even if it hasn’t) I just wonder what a member of the family would feel reading some of the idiocies posted on this thread. E.g.
- The man was a cheat in life.
- He was a she.
- The guilt caused his cancer
- His wife put an hallucinating patient on the phone to a stranger.
If any of you are reading this I hope you can see that the vast majority of posters were stopped in their tracks and thought deeply about what this little parable meant to them. I have been in that very same room with my father and I appreciate how his wife helped put something that troubled him right. I hope you are gathered as a family this weekend for what might be your last days together. I am pleased to have learned a little about what kind of man he really was and I do feel he earned himself some redemption.
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John,
We clearly run in different circles because Joe Sixpack who plays public golf is not a stickler for the rules. I see numerous rules violations again and again, and none of us feel compelled to say anything...unless its the obvious blatant ones like foot wedging to get the ball back in play.
Not everyone takes this game dead serious.....hell I would bet there are more players like that over the hardcore rules mavens.
As for me, i play the game to the best knowledge of the rules and take my scores/decisions accordingly.
Kalen,
Just last year you incorrectly called a penalty on a stranger.
John,
That's where once again, you would be wrong. I merely informed him that I thought the stroke he was taking was illegal. I never assessed nor even suggested that he should be penalized...which wouldn't have mattered anyways as we weren't playing a match against each other.
However, since then I have contacted him and apologized for giving him incorrect information...
When the last time you apologized to someone John? ;)
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Pete
I really appreciate you posting this story. I have thought about that story as much as annything I have read on here.
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I mean talk about a statistical outlier or Rain Man-esque but of recall (or research). After several decades pass, a guy is able to contact the rules official from a qualifier on a ruling? I think there is just as much a story that he was able to get a hold of you as there is in him doing it! I mean even the fertile mind of John Kavanaugh couldn't dream up this scenario!
Well you see there is this thing called the internet which I know you are at least vaguely aware of since you posted this on the internet.
If the incident haunted this man enough that he would reach out on his death bed to the rules official involved then there is a chance that he might have remembered his name all these years. Then all you have to do is go to Google, type in "Pete Blaisdell" and the first result is for the Linked In contact information for people named Pete Blaisdell. Click on the link and the fifth entry down is for a man pictured in a golf cart from the greater Boston area (where Gardner municipal is located) with the note that he is an independent sports professional. Also on the google results page four entries below the Linked In link is another link to a long profile of a prominent golf official from the Boston area named Pete Blaisdell. All this research takes less than 1 minute.
Mr. Blaisdell has probably been involved in thousands of rulings on golf courses during his career so there is no reason for him to remember this particular one. The man on the phone said he was involved in only that single incidence of cheating which caused him to quit the game and haunted him to his death. It is very easy to believe that he knew and remembered the rules official's name.
It still strikes me as odd that he knew the man called in on an appeal of a ruling after decades have passed. It just seems random especially if he didn't call the first guy who ruled on it too Or his opponent.
It also strikes me that of all things to haunt him on his deathbed a qualifier of a golf match was one that stood out. Sure if he knew the name he could google it, but to remember the name all those years and call him is what strikes me as odd. Hey, kudos to the guy is he's that much of a sportsman. I'm all for sportsmanship.
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Jay,
You don't remember a few random things about significant events in your life?
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Jay,
This is why when you accept the fact that the golfer was a woman it all makes sense. Only a woman remembers the name of who they lied to twenty years ago, or who lied to them for that matter. If you want some real life sadness google "pancreatic cancer golfer" and read through the obits. Then tell me posting this confession on the Internet was a good idea.
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This is a subject where there are general thoughts but no right and wrong. I have found in my case when you are facing death or should I say the prospect of death, it does create introspective thoughts. It certainly could easily bring one to want to make peace so to speak with things in their life they were uncomfortable with. The man above clearly had a rules moment so very out of character for him that i haunted him. I am glad he found a way to ease the guilt and give a feeling that he was addressing his death with his head high. In my case I have always found a way to convince myself that I will survive and getting ones affairs in order is just good business. I have not faced that moment where all doubt is removed and one is 30 to 60 days from death like the man here. Bless him
This is certainly the best way to look at this. Kav, sorry, but I'm not with you on this one.
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Jeepers, some of you lot are mental. Stop posting and see a doctor.
Ciao
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On this note, here is a nice article on the top 5 regrets of the dying. By coincidence, my friend Beth sent me this because she works with dying folks and she was sharing some stories. Hope you find it uplifting in some way.
http://beyondtheopposites.com/2011/11/22/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying/
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Geez, I go away for a few days and come back and find my integrity and veracity being questioned. Mild agitation. I've been insulted by professionals so it's no big deal.
Some of you guys are impatient. Let me make a few personal comments.
I don't do women's events. John , I had to laugh at that one.
Someone mentioned that I probably would not post that situation if I had to do it all over again. Incorrect. Do it again in a second.
I thought it was something good to share. If some disagree, your problem , not mine.
Question my integrity. I'm in the phone book but please wait till after the holidays. It's amazing how brave people get when they're hunched over a keyboard.
How did he have my name and phone number?Real simple answer but you get when I deem it appropriate
Some of you guys are making this into something it isn't. Accept it for what it is. I'll be off the computer for quite a while. Christmas is really special to me and my family. I've got 6 grandchildren who are excited. They are what's important . I'm very fortunate.
Merry Christmas and a safe, healthy and prosperous 2012 to all those on GCA!!
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Geez, I go away for a few days and come back and find my integrity and veracity being questioned. Mild agitation. I've been insulted by professionals so it's no big deal.
Some of you guys are impatient. Let me make a few personal comments.
I don't do women's events. John , I had to laugh at that one.
Someone mentioned that I probably would not post that situation if I had to do it all over again. Incorrect. Do it again in a second.
I thought it was something good to share. If some disagree, your problem , not mine.
Question my integrity. I'm in the phone book but please wait till after the holidays. It's amazing how brave people get when they're hunched over a keyboard.
How did he have my name and phone number?Real simple answer but you get when I deem it appropriate
Some of you guys are making this into something it isn't. Accept it for what it is. I'll be off the computer for quite a while. Christmas is really special to me and my family. I've got 6 grandchildren who are excited. They are what's important . I'm very fortunate.
Merry Christmas and a safe, healthy and prosperous 2012 to all those on GCA!!
Like button.
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Pete,
Thank you for posting this story.
There have been many comments on this, but the one I hope to shed light on is the one where folks question why, of all the things one might want to make amends for, cheating on a round of golf could possibly make the list. Some have suggested this is implausible, but I think, given the circumstances, it is very plausible.
Most of us, if we are generally good, are generally good most of the time. Sometimes, when the consequences are minor, we break the rules. I drive over the double lines on a tight curve on my commute, for example. I've taken mulligans and reported the score excluding the botched shot. As the consequences, and benefits grow, the equation changes. In scrambles, I don't cheat, and I look with disdain at teammates who are tempted to shave a stroke off a short putt, or take a gimme. The consequences in the great scheme of things are still small, as are the benefits, but now, I would be hurting someone else, the other competitors, and that trumps all. The temptation is there, but making the right choice is easy.
For many of us, it is a rare day when our choices, and the temptations they conjure, take us far from the middling. The depths of our fibre and conviction are not tested, and while we believe that should a situation arise we would act honorably, it is rare that that belief is challenged in deeds. For some, that challenge may never come.
For this man in the story, apparently, that challenge came on the golf course. A US Open qualifier is a big deal. The potential benefits are great, and in a he-said, she-said situation, the risk of being caught out a cheater, small. Here, in front of him, was a very real test of his convictions, of his fibre, of his beliefs about himself. In an instant, he was thrust onto a crucible of character, his very character forced to decide between the painful admission that would move him away from his dream, or a cowardly assertion that would seemingly bring the dream, to qualify, closer. The test was just a matter of minutes. He chose to cheat. He lied to cheat. His lie was not found out. The cheat succeeded. The play went on. The test, he failed.
What didn't end, obviously, was the knowledge that he had failed the more important challenge to his beliefs, a challenge he may have never had to face again. He now knew he had failed that test. Now, he had to live with the fact that his moral constitution had failed to live to the ideals he carried, that when it mattered, he had taken the cowards path. When the test appeared that challenged him to measure himself to his ideals, he abandoned those ideals.
Though I doubt they will engender death bed amends, I, like most of you, still think of the times that I've let myself down. One seemingly innocuous one: when in college, someone stopped me as I walked towards the union, and asked if I had a second. I answered, "no", and kept walking. I cowardly avoided helping someone for no reason, and I will never forget that. In fact, if I had helped him, I probably wouldn't remember it. Instead, now there's a little regret that revisits me, a regret that I would be that kind of person, and act that way. And I'd like to think a regret that I can lean on to be a better person, and more patient and giving.
So, Pete, thanks for sharing this tale. I hope that I can take from it something that will bolster my spine should a similar situation arise for me.
Dave
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To all
The gentleman in question passed on recently. I was contacted by his nephew, a player who played on the New England Pro Golf Tour in 2003-4. That was the link on how the gentleman found out my name. I was invited to the service but declined because of a previous commitment.
Just a couple of comments
The gentleman never qualified for a USGA Championship although he did try on a number of occasions.
The family was not bothered by anyone and it will stay that way.
I have talked to the widow. She invited me to stop in someday if I'm in the area for a chat. I plan on doing that.
I am adamant that sharing this situation was the right thing to do.
If I offended anyone, I'm sorry. That was not my intention. I'm a lifetime bleeding heart that wears my heart on my sleeve.
Golf has always been the greatest game ever played. That has not changed.
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peace to the man and his family
Pete , you should not feel the need to apologize to anyone for posting this thread....probably the only other post really of value on it was that of Tiger's
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Guys
I was contacted late Saturday afternoon by an old friend that I had not heard from in quite a while. If you recall when I posted this situation just before Christmas I wrote that I was not the first official on the scene but was called in as a second opinion. I also said that the first official did not know how to rule in that situation. Well, that was incorrect . I was wrong. The friend that called me was the first official. He picked up the story on this that was in Golfweek written by Jim McCabe and has followed the GCA thread (by the way, Ran, he was impressed with the site and now follows it daily). He called not to admonish me but to correct something I said. The reason he called for a second opinion was not because he did not know how to rule on this but because he knew the player in question very well, known him for years and actually had him as a guest in his club's member-guest a few times. He wanted to avoid any possibility of being accused of favoritism because of the ruling. I commend him for that . I've done the same thing myself a few times.It's probably not that important but the first official is someone I really respect and I just wanted to set the record straight.
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Paul
I noticed in your post that under your name there is a message that says " junie b. rocks ". It caught my attention because my dad's name was junie Blaisdell. Was that message meant for me or just a coincidence??
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Paul
I noticed in your post that under your name there is a message that says " junie b. rocks ". It caught my attention because my dad's name was junie Blaisdell. Was that message meant for me or just a coincidence??
Pete. It's a coincidence. My dog is namedJunie b!
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Here is who Junie B. is at our house:
http://www.ecampus.com/junie-b-jones-her-big-fat-mouth-park/bk/9780679844075
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Here is who Junie B. is at our house:
http://www.ecampus.com/junie-b-jones-her-big-fat-mouth-park/bk/9780679844075
That's who we named our dog after Jason, cause when she was a pup she waa a real brat like Junie B Jones!
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Paul & Jason
It's a small world , isit not??
My dad would have got a kick out of that.
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Here is who Junie B. is at our house:
http://www.ecampus.com/junie-b-jones-her-big-fat-mouth-park/bk/9780679844075
Jason, your dog is adorable, especially in that hat:)
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David Harsh...
Great post and so very true...the circumstances behind the way normally behaving people act strangley is a complex matter....just ask the many shrinks in this country who work with this dilemma on a regular basis.
Throwing rocks at glass buildings can be a dangerous road to go down...During some very dark personal times, I made some very rash , stupid and regretful decisions...for which I will duly pay for as long as I am living....I am totally responsible for those actions and never expected anything other than the punishment handed down.
That been said...once one has paid the price and dealt with the issues behind such rash actions, doesnt one deserve some form of forgiveness?
Drinking drunk and getting caught does not seem to get the same frown of disgust amongst golfers as cheating on the golf course...yet lives are at stake...at some point the reality of a situation should kick in...if people make a honest attempt to redeem themselves...make thier sincere apologies...perhaps even undertake the rehabilitation necessary...then dont they deserve a second chance just like the "common" criminal ?..........just a thought.....
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Pete,
I came upon this thread and thoroughly enjoyed it. Oldie but goodie.