Very funny thread, which I enjoyed reading.
I'm certainly not the player many of you are, as i learned to play back when there was only a 150 yard (stick/bush/tree, etc) and sprinkler heads weren't marked.
The motto heard from my uncle, who introduced my brother and I to the game was " You don't have to play well; you do have to play with great pace so you don't slow up someone behind you."