All the best with this, Duncan. A fine idea; if I lived there I would be your 'target audience'. So I offer some comments from that perspective, but I limit them to only what you've actually *written*, i.e. I believe the idea is sound and will be appealing to many, but I think you may be a version or two away from the final presentation/form.
I think you are casting a wide net (re potential participants), and that's fine -- but after a strong opening page and the 'find out more' button, as the text is currently written and organized the reader gets a lot of messages (and I think *mixed* messages) in one big burst:
You write "competitive" twice in the first paragraph, "keen" in the 2nd, but then immediately afterwards note that twilight golf is "open to everyone; seasoned golfers, complete novices, and occasional players alike."
Well, I have a feeling that, after reading those first few sentences: a) the complete novice will likely feel that he will be way out of his element with so many keen golfers around -- and so think twice about joining, and b) the keen golfers will likely feel that the competition will be diluted and the amount of time required to play lengthened with so many novices knocking about -- and so will also think twice about joining.
Okay, next point: It is only now, on the 3rd page, that Reddish Vale is mentioned and it's quality and pedigree as a Dr Mac design touted, which I think too late. But it's the next page, I think, that is more problematic and requires a re-write/re-think:
In my view, any casual or novice golfer/beginner will have their eyes glaze over and will stop reading (and contemplating joining) when they get to this:
"All events are full qualifying competitions for handicap purposes, enabling members to maintain official CONGU handicaps.* Holders of CONGU handicaps from other golf clubs will have their records updated automatically. Players without CONGU handicaps are welcome to play in events but cannot win a prize. Players can choose which set of tees they play from. In accordance with CONGU rules the computer system will make the appropriate calculations to ensure a level playing field between competitors playing from different tees. We suggest that inexperienced golfers use the red tees initially for maximum enjoyment and in the interests of pace of play."
I don't say this lightly (as i know how hard re-writes can be), but I would suggest that you ask yourself *why* you need that section at all, and that you consider deleting it. Any keen golfer who already maintains a handicap will know/surmise all of it already (and so doesn't have to read it here); and any novice or casual golfer who doesn't maintain a handicap will have no idea what you're talking about and will only have his first impressions -- i.e. that this isn't the place for him/her, as it is filled with much better and more competitive golfers -- confirmed.
The last two pages are fine.
In short, Duncan (and I hope you don't take any of this amiss, as it's just my first impressions): I think the key, in the next draft, is to *simplify*.
You have a very good idea and one that I think will resonate with many; and you have a catchy first page/slogan; and you have a very well regarded golf course. Focus on that, especially right off the top. And then maybe 'split' the ensuing pages -- what i mean is: write a short few lines and details to further promote the idea and the welcoming attitude specifically aimed at the novice/occasional golfers...and let it have its own *separate* link/tab/button, you know "For Novice and Casual Golfers".
And then have *another* link/tab/button "For Keen Golfers" (or some such phrase) and put all the CONGU details and rules *there* (and nowhere else).
Excuse the ramble; I didn't do very well at simplifying my *own* thoughts! I hope there is at least something there that you find of use
Peter