Now look kiddies, did I declare a philosophical aversion to playing Augusta National? Did I mount my soapbox and vow to turn down an invitation to play it - with a sniff and indifferent wave of the hand? Did I say the golf course is an overrated piece of shit? Nope. All I am asserting is an unwillingness to perform fellatio on an aging blue hair to take a few divots on their hallowed ground.
In the interest of full disclosure, some years ago I was invited to play Augusta as a guest to fill out a foursome. To do so would have required taking a red-eye to Atlanta, driving straight to Augusta and then having to come home the next day. So, I politely declined. My life went on as before and it is not even on the third page of regrets for things that might have been.
My father, who was a raconteur on the order of the movie Big Fish, used to chide me about my complaints of being too busy to do this or that with rolled eyes and “If it was a tee time at Cypress Point, you’d find a way, even from a jail cell.”
That statement - like most everything else he ever lampooned with - is still 100% true. However, it was *not* worth it to kill myself to fly 2500 miles to play Augusta National on a moment’s notice. That stated, if Mucci or Normoyle called and invited me to be on the 1st tee of PV or NGLA tomorrow afternoon, well, I’d be there - even having played both several times.
I’d also like to clarify a previous comment. True enough that 15 friends all agreed Augusta was not their *favorite* golf course, but not one stated it was an overrated goat track. Every single one of them marveled at the width the breadth, the severity of the slopes and the insanity of the putting surfaces. However, all of them are extremely well-traveled, have ionospheric knowledge of golf architecture and mostly impervious to starry-eyed awe at arrangements of grass and sand.
There is also a sub-set of my friends who have played Augusta that returned with messy underwear, hyperventilating about the sparkling wonder of the place. One of them - reasonably well traveled, but who doesn’t know Alister Mackenzie from Mackenzie Phillips - proclaimed it the most exciting day of his life. I’m sure his oldest child is thrilled to know his birth was supplanted by a club so insufferably stodgy, the members would likely refer to him as a Bronx guinea. I’m guessing they don’t even allow Armenians there as gardeners, let alone members.
Putting aside my snarky editorializing, when I finally get there, I’ll surely be dutifully impressed - but let’s face it, is Augusta more beautiful that Cypress Point? Probably not. Is it more strategic than NGLA? Is it more majestic than County Down? Is it more historic than St. Andrews? Is it 18 straight fantastic golf holes without a single weakness like PV?
Just asking.
P.S. And for the record, I did not assert the par-5s are all reachable; out of curiosity I asked if our ex-DoG was correct or not. Evidently, there is some disagreement - although it is possible the regular tees were further up in those days. I have no idea.