Ben and Adrian,
Let's do this! I reached out to a couple archies to judge. A par 36 on 33 acres seems near impossible. Maybe par 30-33 would be better?
Or you could do what a local course here in Utah did. They have a 9 holer that's a par 36 on the card, with a total yardage of ~3200.
But when you play the course, all the yardages are woefully off. For example, it lists a 495 yard par 5, but only plays about 410. Another hole is listed at 320 yards, but is only 250 tops!!
When you can't make it, just fake it!!