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Eric Strulowitz

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Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« on: November 28, 2014, 05:37:29 PM »
Supposedly, these are calls that  were  received at a public golf course.  With all the bad news we hear almost every day it seems, I thought a little humor would not hurt!  Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!
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Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: What are your green fees?
 Staff: 38 dollars.
 Caller: Does that include golf?


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number?


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday..
 What's the weather going to be like that day?


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I'm running late. Can you still get me out early?


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
 Staff: You mean a driving range?
 Caller: No, that's not it.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon.
 Staff: Between 12 o'clock and noon?
 Caller: Yes.
 Staff: We'll try to squeeze you in.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
 Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
 Caller: What's the next time after that?
 Staff: We have one at 10:22.
 Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: How much to play golf today?
 Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
 Caller: 38 dollars?
 Staff: No, 38 yen.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
 Staff: What time would you like?
 Caller: What times do you have?
 Staff: What time of the day?
 Caller: Any time.
 Staff: Morning or afternoon?
 Caller: Whenever.
 Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
 Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Do you have a dress code?
 Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
 Caller: How about clothes?
 Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
 Staff: Yes.
 Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?
 Staff: Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
 Staff: Sure, what time would you like?
 Caller: Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. In the morning, if possible.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?
 Staff: Yes, they're 25 dollars.
 Caller: How much to rent a bag?


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole.
 How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
 Staff: Yes.
 Caller: How much for a large bucket?
 Staff: Four dollars.
 Caller: Does that include the balls?


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
 Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.
 Caller: And what time does that start?


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course.
 Staff: OK, what would you like to know?
 Caller: I don't know, that's why I called.


 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?



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Paul Gray

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2014, 05:54:51 PM »
Excellent.
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In the places where golf cuts through pretension and elitism, it thrives and will continue to thrive because the simple virtues of the game and its attendant culture are allowed to be most apparent. - Tim Gavrich

jeffwarne

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2014, 06:15:25 PM »
What time is the 9:00 Shotgun?
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"Let's slow the damned greens down a bit, not take the character out of them." Tom Doak
"Take their focus off the grass and put it squarely on interesting golf." Don Mahaffey

Bill_McBride

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2014, 06:33:54 PM »
Quote from: jeffwarne on November 28, 2014, 06:15:25 PM
What time is the 9:00 Shotgun?

That's funny but at my club, the old noon game starts at 10:30 on Saturdays in September.
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Bill Gayne

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2014, 07:27:16 PM »
Quote from: Bill_McBride on November 28, 2014, 06:33:54 PM
Quote from: jeffwarne on November 28, 2014, 06:15:25 PM
What time is the 9:00 Shotgun?

That's funny but at my club, the old noon game starts at 10:30 on Saturdays in September.

Our noon group starts at 12:30 or noon-thirty.
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Nigel Islam

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2014, 07:34:46 PM »
Thanks Eric that made my day
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jeffwarne

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #6 on: November 28, 2014, 08:06:55 PM »
Can the 9 holers play 18 holes?
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"Let's slow the damned greens down a bit, not take the character out of them." Tom Doak
"Take their focus off the grass and put it squarely on interesting golf." Don Mahaffey

David Stamm

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #7 on: November 28, 2014, 08:08:51 PM »
Thanks, Eric. These gave me a chuckle.
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"The object of golf architecture is to give an intelligent purpose to the striking of a golf ball."- Max Behr

jeffwarne

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #8 on: November 28, 2014, 08:11:17 PM »
Caller:Can you help me, I'm lost

Sure just tell me where you are and I'll give you directions to the club.

caller:I don't know, that's why I called you

caller was a longtime member
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"Let's slow the damned greens down a bit, not take the character out of them." Tom Doak
"Take their focus off the grass and put it squarely on interesting golf." Don Mahaffey

Mike_Young

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #9 on: November 28, 2014, 08:57:04 PM »
I was working the shop one Saturday morning and a Korean gentleman placed a dozen ProV's on the counter..I said that would be $56 dollars..he says " oh, too expensive.  How much for the Pinnacles?"   I said they are $32 dollars per dozen and he says Hmmm..."I will just take a small bags of range balls".    ;D ;D
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"just standing on a corner in Winslow Arizona"

John McCarthy

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #10 on: November 28, 2014, 09:16:36 PM »
In the morning if possible...they stole  my running joke!
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The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.
 PG Wodehouse

Matthew Essig

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #11 on: November 29, 2014, 12:18:51 AM »
Thanks Eric! Made my day!

Quote from: Eric Strulowitz on November 28, 2014, 05:37:29 PM

 Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
 Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
 Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
 Caller: What's the next time after that?
 Staff: We have one at 10:22.
 Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.


Is it sad that my father and I have done exactly this before?
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"Good GCA should offer an interesting golfing challenge to the golfer not a difficult golfing challenge." Jon Wiggett

Paul Gray

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #12 on: November 29, 2014, 06:03:15 AM »
Links golf course where trees had been allowed to grown over the years

Member: Why are we taking the trees out?
Pro Shop: To restore the open playing characteristics of the course as it was designed to be played.
Member: Oh, fair enough. I suppose they weren't natural here, they just self seeded. 
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In the places where golf cuts through pretension and elitism, it thrives and will continue to thrive because the simple virtues of the game and its attendant culture are allowed to be most apparent. - Tim Gavrich

Tom Fagerli

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #13 on: November 29, 2014, 07:21:06 AM »
We got a call asking how bad were the mosquitoes. They were horrible that year in MN. I told the caller a man had just gotten carried away on 10 tee.
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Steve Wilson

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #14 on: November 29, 2014, 10:09:01 AM »
Quote from: Mike_Young on November 28, 2014, 08:57:04 PM
I was working the shop one Saturday morning and a Korean gentleman placed a dozen ProV's on the counter..I said that would be $56 dollars..he says " oh, too expensive.  How much for the Pinnacles?"   I said they are $32 dollars per dozen and he says Hmmm..."I will just take a small bags of range balls".    ;D ;D

OK.  That explains how I've managed to find range balls while looking for errant shots, hit by my partner or opponents of course, at this year's Dixie Cup.
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Some days you play golf, some days you find things.

I'm not really registered, but I couldn't find a symbol for certifiable.

"Every good drive by a high handicapper will be punished..."  Garland Bailey at the BUDA in sharing with me what the better player should always remember.

Chris DeToro

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a public course course (OT)
« Reply #15 on: November 29, 2014, 12:00:08 PM »
those are too funny! 
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