This is Royal Porthcawl, in Porthcawl, Wales, designed by
Charles Gibson. RP hosted the 1964 Curtis Cup and the
1995 Walker Cup (including Tiger).
The layout is here:
from the web site and pics of each hole (go to "The Course"):
http://www.royalporthcawl.com/index.phpincluding the idyllic setting of the 1st (any better than this?):
other clues include:
"Queen Z-J" and "Mrs. Gordon Gecko" refer to Welshwoman
Catherine Zeta-Jones ("Queen" = "Royal"), wife of Michael
Douglas, who played GG in "Wall Street".
"King Woosie" = "Royal" Welshman, "Ian Woosnam".
"Sperm and narwhal located here?" = both are types of "whales"
"Region of Darwin's fave" = Wales seaside course, Aberdovey.
"Give Prince Porth a ring?" = "Royal Porth Call"
"sounds like a stopover on a vacation cruise" = "port of call"
EDIT: missed Tommy's during write-up:
"whales", "port of call"