This is apropos for me, as I am heading over to Scotland on Thursday. Hopefully I hear a few good one-liners myself.
A friend of mine, who is a bad golfer, nonetheless decides while in Scotland to play The Old Course. He's playing terribly, which is the norm for him. Late in the round (don't know which hole), he is in the fairway about 80 yards from the green. His caddie gives him his putter.
My friend says, "Putter? I'm 80 yards away!"
The caddie replies, "Aye, but ya won't shank this one, sir."