[ed_getka]

I was out at Bandon Dunes years ago for the opening of Pacific Dunes or Old Mc. I was playing some of the absolute worst golf of my life and was seriously thinking of getting rid of my clubs. I asked my caddy if he knew anyone who might want some nice Wilson Staff blades. He said he didn't but that I "should mention the virgin sweet spots" in my ad. I laughed my ass off and played well (for me) the next 2 days. That line wouldn't work for everyone, but it was the absolutely perfect thing to say to me.

[Michael Morandi]

That’s a great one, Ed


I have a line that I pulled on my caddie years ago. Final hole at Secession. Need to make an 8 footer to win the match and the money. My caddie was fine but not brilliant.  I asked him for the read. He said straight. My response” Do you really think it’s straight or are you just hedging knowing you could always say I pushed  or pulled it?” He smiled. I pulled or pushed it.

[Daryl David]

One of my favorite golf friends looked at a hole in Scotland from the tee. He said to the caddy, “Looks like there is shit to the left”. Caddy replied, “Aye, there is shit to the left’.  Then my buddy said, “Looks like there is shit to the right”. The caddy said, “Aye, there is shit to the right, there is shit everywhere, just hit the bloody ball!”

[Greg Tallman]

Good one from long ago. Play in the West Virginia Amateur at The Greenbrier (Old White) first round. 70ish year old caddy, Earl, proceeds to empty my bag of rain gear, umbrella and whatever else I had in the bag and hand to my dad waking down first fairway.


Play the first few holes well, under par, and arrive at 4 which I recall was a Biarritz. I finally asked Earl his read on a putt “do you know the greens well?” … he points to my dad carrying my excess baggage and retorts “about time ya ask, I’ve been reading greens here since he (pointing to my dad) was diapers”… I listened to him for the next 68 holes and we had a nice finish.

[Tom Bacsanyi]

I was playing in Jamaica, there was a hole that wrapped right to left around a big hillside, and a pond not visible on the left of the green. I overcooked a draw round the hill. I asked my caddy if it was gonna be playable and he said "ya mon, if you got scuba gear."

[Ian Mackenzie]

That’s a great one, Ed


I have a line that I pulled on my caddie years ago. Final hole at Secession. Need to make an 8 footer to win the match and the money. My caddie was fine but not brilliant.  I asked him for the read. He said straight. My response” Do you really think it’s straight or are you just hedging knowing you could always say I pushed  or pulled it?” He smiled. I pulled or pushed it.

Another caddie line from Secession.


We were down there with a group from my home club including our pro and 1st assistant.
1st assistant was having a tough day and his caddy, a burly Scot, noticed finally he had his name on his bag so he querried,


"Justin, what is it that you do?"


asst replies, "I'm the 1st assisyant golf professional at XYZ Club."


"Huh", grunts the caddy, "You must be really fucking good at folding shirts!"

[Charlie Goerges]

"You must be really fucking good at folding shirts!"

Honestly, without context, that feels a bit too far. Maybe it was fine in the moment.

[Jeff_Brauer]

I was out at Bandon Dunes years ago for the opening of Pacific Dunes or Old Mc. I was playing some of the absolute worst golf of my life and was seriously thinking of getting rid of my clubs. I asked my caddy if he knew anyone who might want some nice Wilson Staff blades. He said he didn't but that I "should mention the virgin sweet spots" in my ad. I laughed my ass off and played well (for me) the next 2 days. That line wouldn't work for everyone, but it was the absolutely perfect thing to say to me.

On the first tee of Bandon, I hit my tee shot wide and the caddie says, "You don't need a caddy, you need a sherpa."

[mike_malone]

Late 90’s at Portstewart with teenage caddy and I hit a three wood about 30 yards in the air that rolls out to 200 yards before stopping.


  “That’s an OJ”. “ Got away with it”.


The OJ trial had international interest.

[Ian Mackenzie]

"You must be really fucking good at folding shirts!"

Honestly, without context, that feels a bit too far. Maybe it was fine in the moment.

Oh, for f--k's sake, man, it was hilarious and everyone lost it. Pro took it in stride and knew he deserved it. We had so much fun with the caddies.


OK, here's another for you that takes into consideration your sensitivities:


Playing at Royal Troon in 1990 with the same caddies who followed us from Prestwick and Turnberry.


On the 2nd or 3rd hole with wind in the face on a daunting 450 yard par 4 and we were all making comments about the task at hand, Donald (my caddy), an affable chap well into his 60's, said matter of factly:


"Tough hole, will take 3 good shots to get home in 2 today."


Better?

[Peter Sayegh]

Pinehurst #4.
Paired with a young buck who could really mash it. The longest hitter I've ever played alongside.
After we tee off #17, my caddie says, "That's where they're putting in the new Wal-Mart."
Bewildered, I look across Morganton Rd. and ask where the hell are they building it.
"Between his tee shot and yours."

[Charlie Goerges]

"You must be really fucking good at folding shirts!"

Honestly, without context, that feels a bit too far. Maybe it was fine in the moment.

Oh, for f--k's sake, man, it was hilarious and everyone lost it. Pro took it in stride and knew he deserved it. We had so much fun with the caddies.


OK, here's another for you that takes into consideration your sensitivities:


Playing at Royal Troon in 1990 with the same caddies who followed us from Prestwick and Turnberry.


On the 2nd or 3rd hole with wind in the face on a daunting 450 yard par 4 and we were all making comments about the task at hand, Donald (my caddy), an affable chap well into his 60's, said matter of factly:


"Tough hole, will take 3 good shots to get home in 2 today."


Better?

Sorry, I'm a little sensitive sometimes about how assistant pros are treated, especially about their playing abilities. I'm sure I over-reacted. My apologies.

[Carl Johnson]

I used Archie's initial post years ago.  My four ball friends hadn't heard it before and thought it was original.  I didn't disabuse them.  Thanks Archie.

[Niall C]

Carl


A lot of these one-liners are old chestnuts and you don't need to be a caddy to tell them.


Niall

[cary lichtenstein]

Great thread

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