Humourous Golf Course Reviews

[Ally Mcintosh]

One of our readers' panel just sent in a highly entertaining review of a particularly tough, high-end inland course in Ireland, this being my favourite line:

"Layers and layers of bunkers, we’d have been in less trouble if (the architect) occasionally chained crocodile’s to the side of the fairway he wanted us to stay away from, they’d be friendlier than the bunkers"

Nice to have something away from the usual blurb... Other examples?

[Matthew Mollica]

This - http://www.thegolfforum.com/index.php?showtopic=3108&#entry74825

This - http://www.thegolfforum.com/index.php?showtopic=3773&#entry95369

and this - http://www.thegolfforum.com/index.php?showtopic=3869&#entry97277

Some of the humour is best appreciated by Australians, but you'll all appreciate much of it!

[Matthew Rose]

Try to find the one of Capital Golf Course in Melbourne, it's hysterical.

My signature is a line from it.

(Looks like the middle link in the other Matthew's post)

[Tom Yost]

I have to give props to McDade's review of the Jans (Honorable Company of Reverse Jans Golfers).

[Matthew Hunt]

One of our readers' panel just sent in a highly entertaining review of a particularly tough, high-end inland course in Ireland, this being my favourite line:

"Layers and layers of bunkers, we’d have been in less trouble if (the architect) occasionally chained crocodile’s to the side of the fairway he wanted us to stay away from, they’d be friendlier than the bunkers"

Nice to have something away from the usual blurb... Other examples?

Could you give us a clue as to which course this refers to?

[Tony_Muldoon]

If Dan King (or anyone ) has this quote I'm sure it's pithier.  I think it was Dobreiner and I recall it as.


“When invited as a guest to a club, by all means drink their wine and sleep with their women, but on no account should you ever dare to criticise their golf course.”

[Ken Moum]

If Dan King (or anyone ) has this quote I'm sure it's pithier.  I think it was Dobreiner and I recall it as.


“When invited as a guest to a club, by all means drink their wine and sleep with their women, but on no account should you ever dare to criticise their golf course.”

Then there's this:

"By all means screw their women and drink their booze but never write one word about their bloody awful golf course." -- Henry Longhurst

[Tony_Muldoon]

If Dan King (or anyone ) has this quote I'm sure it's pithier.  I think it was Dobreiner and I recall it as.


“When invited as a guest to a club, by all means drink their wine and sleep with their women, but on no account should you ever dare to criticise their golf course.”

Then there's this:

"By all means screw their women and drink their booze but never write one word about their bloody awful golf course." -- Henry Longhurst

Thanks Ken, brevity is the....

[Padraig Dooley]

One of our readers' panel just sent in a highly entertaining review of a particularly tough, high-end inland course in Ireland, this being my favourite line:

"Layers and layers of bunkers, we’d have been in less trouble if (the architect) occasionally chained crocodile’s to the side of the fairway he wanted us to stay away from, they’d be friendlier than the bunkers"

Nice to have something away from the usual blurb... Other examples?

Could you give us a clue as to which course this refers to?

Sounds like Carton House.

[Mark_F]

Try to find the one of Capital Golf Course in Melbourne, it's hysterical.

My signature is a line from it.

(Looks like the middle link in the other Matthew's post)

Poor old Capital.  All that money, and nothing to show for it.

[Ronald Montesano]

When you are truly free to write about the course, you can write about the course. Few writers are truly free in this manner.

[Michael Goldstein]

That wise statement could be construed in many ways. 

[Ronald Montesano]

Then you, Michael, are truly wise...

[RJ_Daley]

A sample of Julius's golf course architecture review:

The ideal line from the tee is at the clocktower on the clubhouse if the pin is on the right, and the clocktower if the pin is anywhere else.  The more accurate hitters can take aim at the outdoor furniture on the patio, which will find the ten yard gap between the bunkers guarding the green, if they aren't confident of flying a middle iron all the way onto the green.

By the time I got to this hole in Julius's paen to Capital GC, I had wet my pants...

Matthew, can you give us a link to the final 6 holes of Julius's masterpiece on Capital GC, or did the black helios come for him?

BTW, do we on GCA.com know Julius?   

[Matthew Mollica]

RJ, here's the final instalment of the review -

http://www.thegolfforum.com/index.php?showtopic=3795&#entry96059

[Mark_F]

Matthew, can you give us a link to the final 6 holes of Julius's masterpiece on Capital GC, or did the black helios come for him?

RJ,

Just to fill you in, Jeff Kennett was a former Premier of the state of Victoria, and a very divisive one at that...

BTW, do we on GCA.com know Julius? 

He's clearly a big Schwarzenegger fan...

[Ronald Montesano]

Someone wrote about writing, "the easier it is to read, the harder it was to write."

Something similar could be posited about this thread topic. Is it easier to write a humorous review about a course that is buffoonish in at least one way? I would say, yes. One could write something funny about one's performance over a great course, but probably not about the course itself.

[RJ_Daley]

The interior design sensibilities of the appointments in the club house should have been enough to turn one around, before the first tee.  I've seen more tastefully arranged furniture and fabric on the old couches and chairs at the recreation centers of mobile home parks in Mississippi and Arkansas. Or as David Feherty once observed of Ian Poulter's trousers, but could be said for the Capital club house furniture fabric, "somewhere a Days Inn is missing its curtains". 

Julius obviously has a keen eye for golf, and 'knows it when he sees it'.   

[James Bennett]

Dick

I loved the 'Days Inn' reference.  Your post made me think.

Julius doing an interview with David Feherty - now that would be something.  I don't think there would have been anything as funny as that is likely to be since Norman Gunston interviewed Sally Struthers in the 1970's.

Julius will know the interview/s.

James B

[RJ_Daley]

James, you sent me to the google machine, YouTube on the Gunston reference.  So I watched his bit w/Sally Struther, and one good turn deserves another.... so here you go mate:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaaiLJCrZTM&feature=related

Since we are onto something with these interviews; Has Jiminy Glick caught up with you Aussie's yet?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8DdaGUrMLQ

Yes, Julius and Feherty, the wit brothers, dim and nit, perhaps from the same ancestoral heritage, maybe both having left N. Ireland for a convict colony on a distant shore.  (Dallas and Oz)   kidding of course...    For certainly if I ever get to Oz,  I'd rather stand the house a drink than see ya'll lined up one after another to administer me an old fashion sheep station tavern, beat down. 

[Mark_F]

I don't think there would have been anything as funny as that is likely to be since Norman Gunston interviewed Sally Struthers in the 1970's.

James,

You brought back some memories there.  The press conference with Guns' n Roses was a classic - "Did they spray Mr Rose for aphids?'

[James Bennett]

Dick

we are a little off-topic here but,

Australia does have a significant Irish heritage, especially on the East Coast.

I could also imagine Feherty, Julius and Mrs Brown having a cup of tea - it would be most amusing.  I don't know who would win.

James

(ps Julius - there were so many Gunston interviews - including Muhammed Ali.  Did he interview Richard Nixon on one occasion?  Please note, I use the term 'interview' in the loosest of connotations.)