I think it would go something like this...
"How old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?
You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl?
I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't read chat rooms! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a website, IT'S JUST A FREAKING WEBSITE!"