Kalen,
Have you ever played cow pasture pool?
You should look for some small town, unimproved golf course. The greens are actually brown, because they are made of sand. The fairways are the only "mown" portion, where there are tufts of grass here and there about, and you all allowed to move the ball with your clubhead to one of those tufts, before hitting. The rough is rough, play it as it lies. If you are worried about playing by strict rules, have no worry. You never hit fairways, so playing it as it lies will be how you will be playing from the rough. And, you putt so bad that you will not need to use the bar to smooth a path to the hole, as any random path will do for you.
Now if we can just get you off that vanity handicap thing.