Best caddie one liner or anecdote

[Adam Clayman]

Jordan. You mean Marty has been there 40 years. John was first employed there in 99'. How do I know that? I sort of got him the job by telling him they were looking to hire. John shot an amazing 62 at PG on May 11th 2000.
Not bad for a 4-5 handicap.

[Bill Gayne]

What should I hit?

Try the fairway.

[Jordan Wall]

Jordan. You mean Marty has been there 40 years. John was first employed there in 99'. How do I know that? I sort of got him the job by telling him they were looking to hire. John shot an amazing 62 at PG on May 11th 2000.
Not bad for a 4-5 handicap.

I know Marty has been there a while, but I think we're talking about different John's.  The one I'm thinking of doesn't play golf.

Big Al on the other hand, has a pretty good game.  I believe he played in a few tour events, I played my first round at Cypress with him, really funny guy.  Ever met him?

[Stan Dodd]

Big Al is a blow hard.
Marty is a good man.

[Bill Gayne]

I catch a couple of young Irish caddies looking at some porn picture that they downloaded on the mobile phone. One of the caddies shows it to me and I'm mildly amused by it all and his response to me is "she is not Irish."

[Mike McGuire]

After hooking my 3 wood 2nd towards a 4 lane interstate on an unfamiliar course .......

me: "Is that OK ?"

caddie: "Umm...not sure .... I saw brake lights"

[archie_struthers]

 


Caddying with Tex at the Valley on the third day with our group his player says after missing another shot the infamous "this is the worst I"ve ever played " to which Tex responded :that's not true you were much worse yesterday"

[V. Kmetz]

I really loved the "pajama putt" moniker...made me want to add a couple:

1.  a "Hitler" = holing out a shot in the bunker.

2.  a young caddie whipped out a great and unexpected line some years ago when his player hit a superb blind recovery shot an inch from the cup and asked Kevin what the result was.  Kevin replied, "Mr. Phillips, it's like anal sex...it's tight and you're going to love it."

[Scott Warren]

I really loved the "pajama putt" moniker...made me want to add a couple:

1.  a "Hitler" = holing out a shot in the bunker.

Is a Hitler not actually "two shots in a bunker" - alluding to the fact that Adolf Hitler allegedly had two bullet holes in his head when the Russians found his body?

[Matt_Ward]

On a recent trip overseas my same bud from my previous post turned to the caddie on the 1st tee and asked him if the tees we were playing were the "real" back tees.

The caddie looked at him and said, "Well, sir they could open the gate for you if you like and you can play from there."

[Terry Lavin]

Playing Butler one day on a hole with a blind tee shot and the caddie was in the forecaddie position.  I asked him, "where'd that wind up?"  "You'll never believe it, in the fairway!"

[Tom Huckaby]

As long as you all are swapping CPC caddie stories....

It pains me but it's a concession to age... loss of short term memory... the man in the center of the following pic was the caddie for my Dad and me, and he was a SAINT.  He could not have possibly made it more fun for my Dad.

Ray, correct?

[Sean Leary]

As long as you all are swapping CPC caddie stories....

It pains me but it's a concession to age... loss of short term memory... the man in the center of the following pic was the caddie for my Dad and me, and he was a SAINT.  He could not have possibly made it more fun for my Dad.

Ray, correct?

Must have been a thrill to play CPC with Colonel Sanders.....

[Tom Huckaby]

It was indeed.  He put chemicals in his chicken that made me crave it fortnightly.

A kind gentleman has ascertained the name of said caddie....

If and when one gets to CPC, I can give no greater advice than to ask for my man RAY STERBIC.  If there are golf saints, he is one.

[Tim Martin]

It was indeed.  He put chemicals in his chicken that made me crave it fortnightly.

A kind gentleman has ascertained the name of said caddie....

If and when one gets to CPC, I can give no greater advice than to ask for my man RAY STERBIC.  If there are golf saints, he is one.

Tom-Great picture. Ray has a calm and genteel look about him. If someone can get me on CPC I will be happy to request him.

[Tom Huckaby]

Compliments of Mr. Huntley:

The business card of a man who knows and loves his place in life:

[Roger Wolfe]

Ocean Course... May 2007... 40 mph wind

My buddy pulls a drive high and slight left over the dunes.  While the ball is still in the air...

Player:  Is that one good?

Caddie:  For now.

[Greg Holland]

Compliments of Mr. Huntley:

The business card of a man who knows and loves his place in life:

On 14, Rocky tells me to hit my 200 yard club.  The hole is downhill, and the tees were at about 185 yards (but we were into the wind).  I was thinking my 185 club.  So, I said Rocky are you sure.  He says, "Are you f@#$ing kidding me.  Come ere pro," and he pulls out one of those cards.  As I read it, he says, "I f@#$ing do this for a livin pro."  I hit the 200 yard club and made par.  Still carry that card in my wallet.

[Lynn_Shackelford]

Golfer misses 4 foot putt after being told by the caddie that is it straight.
Golfer says that putt broke.
Caddy replies
"Now Mr. Harding, you know I know what I know."

[Mickey Boland]

Told to me by a friend.  He was in the Air Force and stationed in the Phillipines at the time.  He was a pretty good golfer, but was having a bad day.  It was common for the caddies to bet with each other on their player, and my friend's caddie was taking it in the shorts, and making it known to my friend that he wasn't happy with his play.  Last hole is a par 5, and my friend stripes his second shot onto the greeen, flips the club to the caddie and says "What do you think about that?"  Caddie replies "Too f****** late."

[Gerry B]

there are so many

here a couple:

at carnoustie -on the back nine - one of the other players says to the caddie" are there any easy holes around here?" caddie replies-"yes , over at the old course"

lahinch - my friend hits a drive into some fescue - caddiie says " you are in the love grass" my frined says why is it called the love grass? caddie replies: " because wherever you have ended up you are "f**ked!

[Pat Burke]

Fulton Allem and his caddy Bullet/

Fulton>> "Bullet, I'm telling you, I'm so fu*^$ng mad I feel like breaking something

Bullet>> "How about par?"

[Marty Bonnar]

This was a player to caddie one-liner which has stayed with me since my Kingsbarns caddying days. The player was a most genial small Texan who couldn't have been a nicer chap, having a great time with his buddies on the trip of a lifetime. Unfortunately, his KB experience wasn't turning out as well as he might have hoped. By about the 16th he was about ready to explode. He duffed his 5-wood to the green and, cigar wedged in the corner of his mouth, uttered what appeared to the caddy(me) to be a single word. Possibly the MOST profane utterance I have ever heard - and I've been to a few Rangers/Celtic derbies!!! I'll abbreviate it in the name of good taste and in the interest of our younger viewers.

This is what he said:
"You GD,MF,CL,WB!!!" (my commas)

His buddies and all the caddies paused for a moment and then just rolled about laughing. Even he saw the funny side a moment or two later.

I'll let you guess what it stands for. Just assume THE WORST!!! PM me if you really need to know... (GD might be considered an adjective, MF and CL most definitely verbs and WB a noun!!!)

cheers,
FBD.

[Tony Ristola]

I received an invite a number of years ago to play at a club in Westchester County, New York with an old college friend and his two brothers. After hitting two good shots to the short par four 1st hole my friend three jacks from about ten feet. As we are walking off the green the caddie says "Sir-you know that three putting is a lot like jerking off because you feel real bad about it but you know you are gonna do it again". Roars of laughter and the start of a great day.

Heard that one a couple years ago from a guy that joined our group for the back-9, we were roaring, then he lipped out a putt on the next hole and said... Unfriendly hole... like my ex-wife. He kept us howling the rest of the round.

Best caddie story comes from an Irish pro, must be 15 years ago, who took a group of Germans to Scotland. Coming in on the Old Course, the caddie tells the lady, you want teh take it at the cherch... she tops it... he says, you'll be going at the cherch... she tops it again... you're going fer the cherch... she tops it again... the caddie says... the F-in Cherch ain't mooved.


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[Tom Roewer]

During a round @ Gleneagles Kings I asked my partners caddie (Angus) if it would be o.k. if I relieved myself at a certain spot... his response "as long as I don't have to hold it"

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