I take your points, I will try an answer some of your questions but the idea is that it is a very easy hole and will produce a fun score.
Fun being the key word and yes I do want to flatter them, essentially this is a par 4 hole by normal play but its 500+ yards so could be a par 5. A player putting for an albatross or even holing it for a condor is crazy, quirky perhaps silly but in many ways its best to just forget par an except it as a hole. A pro or reasonable hitter of say a 280 yard drive would under dry conditions put the ball on the green, if its damp I expect that same player could be left with a 170 yard shot in, but by and large this hole could play -200 yards what the card says as it is very steeply downhill in places. The green would be visible from the tee, you could hook or slice it into trouble, only a real straight one would get the real forward shoot. Pace of play wont overly be an issue as its the 18th. I could make a very rolling green and I probably could angle one side of the approach to catch the balls up a bit, but I do want one line of say a 10 yard width that could gather the ball onto the green. The drop from tee to green is about 100 metres. I have no doubt the hole will attract fans and enemies too.