These should be on the list:
Myers Park CC
Charlotte CC
Quail Hollow CC
Carmel CC
Carolina GC
Each has it's own distinguishing characteristics with MPCC, CCC and CGC all having been reno'd recently. These are the "old-line" clubs in town. There are certainly others to consider as well.
With what has happened to the banks I'm sure almost every club in Charlotte is quite eager to meet potential new candidates for membership.
I think Sam has it right. I am long-time resident of Charlotte, a 15 year or so member at Carolina GC, and have played each of these five courses except Quail Hollow, which, of course, I've walked during the erstwhile Wachovia Championship (and before that and before its last renovation, the Kemper).
As Sam points out, there are substantial differences between these clubs. All are full service country clubs except Carolina (Quail may not have tennis courts--I don't recall), which is a golf club with a swimming pool. If all you're interested in is golf and a place for your kids to swim, take a look at Carolina. Of the five it's the least expensive. Current initiation (nonequity) is $22,000 for full adult resident. Quail has to be the the most expensive. Charlotte CC used to be the "old money" club and difficult to get into. That's changing somewhat, but notwithstanding the economy I understand they still have a substantial waiting list. Initiation there is $72,000, I believe. Carmel has two courses. I'd put Myers Park at number two on the "old money" list, right behind Charlotte CC.
All of these clubs have very respectable courses. Traditionally, Charlotte CC, Myers Park and Quail Hollow have been considered the best courses locally. Carolina's recent redo puts in right up there, and Carmel's top course hosted the USGA Junior Girls a couple of years ago. Personally, I would find it difficult to say that any one of these course/clubs is the "best." Clearly, Carolina GC is the best for me, but all I'm interested in is a golf course. John, make sure your friend takes a good look around. Tell him to take his time. That will be worth it.