[TEPaul]

Mr Clayman:

What on earth is that THING? Whatever it is, it's positively grotesque. Do you think it's the innards of some poor unfortunate missionary who was caught out there in the midwestern region of this continent by those savages who actually intend to eat him between two slices of bread?

And what are those elongated light brown things? Let me know, would you please, as I think I have a vague idea for a culinary use for them in the future. I believe we may be able to actually barter them to those savages out there and consequently (over some extended time of course) make them fat and unaggressive.

[Joe Bausch]

Old-timers here prefer a Nick's roast beef sandwich.... mmmm, fattening.

[PThomas]

For instance, look at this man who is offering you some kind of club application. He'd developed enough apparently to have had the ingenuity to take my name even though he exhibits some early form of dyslexia as he got it turned around backwards.

I'M SURE THAT IF MY PARENTS KNEW OF THAT TOM PAUL GUY IN PHILLY WHEN I WAS BORN THEY WOULD HAVE NAMED ME GEORGE OR BILL OR ANYTHING ELSE

And I'm encouraged by the fact that he seems to be thinking about some form of club which means those Indians out there have probably progressed past the point of general "roamers" and "gatherers" and they have begun to experiment with the basic concept of "community."

HEY  I GOTTA CLUB FOR YOU...ONE THAT I CAN HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH!

By the way, Cirba, I do not know who that Indian is with the wild purple and white trousers on in the first photo above but if you find him in that Midwestern region of this continent I'd appreciate it if you'd either kill him or trap him for me. I want those trousers!!! So would you bring them back for me please??

AH, YOUR TRUE COLORS SHOW!  YOU SECRETLY WISH TO BE ONE OF US FRIENDLY MIDWESTERNERS...AS I TOKEN OF FRIENDSHIP, I'M SURE WE CAN SELL YOU A PAIR OF THOSE PANTS AT THE REASONABLE PRICE OF, OH,  SAY $250

[Adam Clayman]

Mr. Paul Sir, I believe those are some french form of food called Pommel horse tits, or some such variation. As to that grotesque thing, innards when out, is my best guess.

[Kyle Harris]

I've been to the purple and white region. There aren't many of them and they hardly even show up for their pagan rituals on Saturday Mornings. 

[Eric_Terhorst]

Dear Messrs. Thomas and Schmidt:

Re:

the wild purple and white trousers

You shouldn't be too hasty to admit new members to the Club.  Please consider whether it is even possible for East Coasters to meet your high standards.  If you start admitting these types before you know it all the members will be asked to wear jackets and loafers to lunch.  Unless Mr. Cirba can demonstrate knowledge and proficiency regarding Club's standards of attire, a blackball campaign may be initiated.

Harrumph,

E.G. Terhorst

[Mike_Cirba]

Dear Mr. Terhorst,

As I exhibit absolutely none of Mr. Paul's sartorial flair, please rest assured that my golf wardrobe has ranged from orange plaid pants in the summer in the 70s to various states of undress as permitted by cheap local munis and the Garden City Golf Club.

[Kyle Harris]

To Whom It May Concern:

On account of my recent awareness as to the nature of the invitation to the prestigious and venerable Golfing Institution known as the Honourable Company of Reverse Jans Golfers I do humbly submit, on behalf of my good friend Mike Cirba, this photographic evidence of the taste and presentation one can expect from Mr. Cirba on a standard golf day:


It is my ardent hope that the Honourable Company does see fit to allows Mr. Cirba's infiltration membership application to be approved.

With brevity,

Kyle Harris

[PThomas]

To Whom It May Concern:

On account of my recent awareness as to the nature of the invitation to the prestigious and venerable Golfing Institution known as the Honourable Company of Reverse Jans Golfers I do humbly submit, on behalf of my good friend Mike Cirba, this photographic evidence of the taste and presentation one can expect from Mr. Cirba on a standard golf day:


It is my ardent hope that the Honourable Company does see fit to allows Mr. Cirba's infiltration membership application to be approved.

With brevity,

Kyle Harris

poor man appears to have back problems...can he straighten up at all?

and i noted that putter with a PINK grip..does that abomination belong to applicant Cirba??

[Kyle Harris]

That abomination belongs to ME, Mr. Paul Thomas. 

I find it matches my complexion quite nicely.

Splendidly,

Kyle Harris

[Dan Moore]

To Whom It May Concern:

On account of my recent awareness as to the nature of the invitation to the prestigious and venerable Golfing Institution known as the Honourable Company of Reverse Jans Golfers I do humbly submit, on behalf of my good friend Mike Cirba, this photographic evidence of the taste and presentation one can expect from Mr. Cirba on a standard golf day:


It is my ardent hope that the Honourable Company does see fit to allows Mr. Cirba's infiltration membership application to be approved.

With brevity,

Kyle Harris

What is all that blue and green in the photo?  Sitting here in Chicago I do not recognize those colors. 

[PThomas]

That abomination belongs to ME, Mr. Paul Thomas. 

I find it matches my complexion quite nicely.

Splendidly,

Kyle Harris

Kyle graciously informed me off line that it is a Winn Breast Cancer awareness grip...I hadn't even  thought of that...it is terrific how many products have gone pink in an effort to combat that terrible disease that affects, if memory serves me well, 1 0UT OF EVERY 9 WOMEN,  which is just a ridiculously high percentage

well done Kyle!

[Kyle Harris]

That abomination belongs to ME, Mr. Paul Thomas. 

I find it matches my complexion quite nicely.

Splendidly,

Kyle Harris

Kyle graciously informed me off line that it is a Winn Breast Cancer awareness grip...I hadn't even  thought of that...it is terrific how many products have gone pink in an effort to combat that terrible disease that affects, if memory serves me well, 1 0UT OF EVERY 9 WOMEN,  which is just a ridiculously high percentage

well done Kyle!

Thankfully, for a male, the putter grip IS a conversation starter. Paul initially felt he offended me, which he did not and I think the grip has served its purpose yet again for cancer awareness as a whole.

Some can do small things, and others like Pat Mucci can do great things.

[Phil McDade]

I have been instructed by Mr. David Schmidt, Founding Member and Co-President of the Reverse Jans GC, to inform you that you MAY be eligible to join our club as a National Member.  The club just very recently made one Mr. Phil McDade of Wisconsin its first such member (although, it must be noted, that the club's board is reconsidering Mr. Mcdade's status after an apparent incident during the 2nd Reverse Jans Tournament.  However, between you and I, highly and well-placed sources tell me that Mr. McDade will be "cleared" of any possible wrongdoing very soon, even as early as today.)


Paul Thomas
Reverse Jans GC Committee Member

Paul:

This is indeed good news.

For what it's worth, I've always thought of myself as an honorary Chicagoan:

1) I was born there (well, the old Hinsdale Sanitarium);

2) My parents are graduates of Morgan Park High ("EMPEHI, EMPEHI, we are loyal; EMPEHI, EMPEHI, we are true.");

3) I stand to inherit a baseball used in the last World Series game ever played by the Chicago Cubs, which was in 1945, for those without long-term memory.

[PThomas]

I have been instructed by Mr. David Schmidt, Founding Member and Co-President of the Reverse Jans GC, to inform you that you MAY be eligible to join our club as a National Member.  The club just very recently made one Mr. Phil McDade of Wisconsin its first such member (although, it must be noted, that the club's board is reconsidering Mr. Mcdade's status after an apparent incident during the 2nd Reverse Jans Tournament.  However, between you and I, highly and well-placed sources tell me that Mr. McDade will be "cleared" of any possible wrongdoing very soon, even as early as today.)


Paul Thomas
Reverse Jans GC Committee Member

Paul:

This is indeed good news.

For what it's worth, I've always thought of myself as an honorary Chicagoan:

1) I was born there (well, the old Hinsdale Sanitarium);

2) My parents are graduates of Morgan Park High ("EMPEHI, EMPEHI, we are loyal; EMPEHI, EMPEHI, we are true.");

3) I stand to inherit a baseball used in the last World Series game ever played by the Chicago Cubs, which was in 1945, for those without long-term memory.

PHIL, I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT DUE TO FACTORS LIKE THE ABOVE, YOUR OUSTANDING PICTURES AND COMMENTARY ON THE REVERSE JANS, AND, LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, YOUR GCA-LIKE ANALYSIS OF THE DEEP-DISH PIZZA ON THE OTHER THREAD, YOUR APPLICATION HAS JUST BEEN APPROVED, CONGRATULATIONS!

REVERSE JANS TREASURER BLAGOYEVICH WILL SOON BE CONTACTING YOU SOON ABOUT DUES....IT SHOULD BE LATER TODAY, AS HE DOES HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON HIS HANDS, AS HE HAS JUST BEEN IMPEACHED FROM HIS OTHER POSITION

[Mike_Cirba]

Yeah, sure...let McDade in while the guy with the bad back remains clinging frozen to the fence.

We'll see what you get to Philly, Thomas....no Soup for you!   

 

[Mark Smolens]

I've been to the purple and white region. There aren't many of them and they hardly even show up for their pagan rituals on Saturday Mornings. 

We shall be there in force next Oct. 31 Mr. Harris, purple camo pants and all.  May a large young man named Kafka run roughshod over a band of unnamed denizens in blue and white. . .  however, beer in the west lot after the festivities is on me.

[Kalen Braley]

Phil,

Well you finally got the coveted Reverse Jans National membership...so I guess you got that going for you! 

To the Committee,

Can I apply as head groundskeeper?  After all the world needs ditch diggers too ya know!!

It would be a privelege just to "gently trod over those sacred fairways", (or whatever it was that kiss-ass Cirba claimed) even if I never struck a golf shot!! 

[TEPaul]

Cirba, Bausch and Harris---if you three adventurers feel the need to take up Horace Greeley's call and go west, my suggestion to you is try not to venture west of Pittsburgh. I believe it is the western-most outpost of civilization on this continent. I am not specifically familiar with this Reverse Jans Indian tribe but I am aware that what's out there in the hinterlands to the west of Pittsburgh are many hordes of Backward Indians. From what they say on the Internet here it seems the Reverse Jans Indians have some potential for some form of civilized community but I don't like the sound of all this beer drinking they say they do. I think we all know that can be a very bad combination and is probably the best explanation why so many of them have been observed walking backwards. Please understand it would be some extremely tricky business routing and designing golf courses for a type of homo-sapien who does that.

[PThomas]

To the Committee,

Can I apply as head groundskeeper?  After all the world needs ditch diggers too ya know!!

It would be a privelege just to "gently trod over those sacred fairways", (or whatever it was that kiss-ass Cirba claimed) even if I never struck a golf shot!! 

Dear Mr. Braley:

You obviously failed to notice in the pictures of the Reverse Jans GC that we have employing a "low maintenance" approach to our course for several years; in other words, we have been , to use the trendy phrase, "minimalists", well before the term became in vogue due to apparently more popular people in the golf industry such as Ben Crenshaw and Tom Doak.

Therefore, our course requires little care and labor to uphold its unique standards.  Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you a position at this time.

It MIGHT be possible, however, to offer you a tour of our facilities during our offseason, which, due to our courses popularity, is later than most other clubs ---is late Dec- end of February.  An additional side of benefit of such a visit would be the more reasonable hotel rates in the CHicago area at that time of year due to our somewhat variable weather.

Kindest regards,

Paul Thomas
RJGC Committee Member

[PThomas]

my mistake!

[TEPaul]

"....we have employing a "low maintenance" approach to our course for several years; in other words, we have been , to use the trendy phrase, "minimalists", well before the term became in vogue due to apparently more popular people in the golf industry such as Ben Crenshaw and Tom Doak."


Mr. Thomas:

Should I address you as Scout Thomas or Chief Thomas?

Well, no matter about that----I think that is fascinating you have used a low maintenance approach out there. I would like to know specifically how you keep your grass shorn. Do you still have plenty of buffalo out there to do that? If you find you have an outbreak of grubs in your putting greens I believe we may be able to spare some chicken and hogs to ship to you to take care of that, as recently we here in the East have found a better way to remediate that problem.

[PThomas]

but I don't like the sound of all this beer drinking they say they do.

all i know is that a shot and a beer kid from PA named Palmer has done alright for himself

[TEPaul]

Chief Thomas:

I should remind you that Arnold Palmer hails from a town about 75 miles EAST of Pittsburgh so he started out at least vaguely civilized!

[PThomas]

Chief Thomas:

I should remind you that Arnold Palmer hails from a town about 75 miles EAST of Pittsburgh so he started out at least vaguely civilized!

and even Mr. Nicklaus saw the light:  during an interview he said during college he tried to "drink all the beer in Columbus!"

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