I've recently avoided the OT political threads because, well, they're a waste of time. But I note there's another 9-pager going just now and for those of you who are compelled, I thought it would be simpler to have a reliable "OT political thread phrase book" that you can use instead of laboriously typing out the crap--I mean, learned commentary.
The posts on those threads seem to follow a formula--identify a problem, blame someone or an institution, pontificate on the sole solution to the problem, then insult everyone who disagrees with your learned commentary. The same old crap seems to come up over and over again.
Now you can enjoy the OT threads using this tool to express yourself in shorthand and avoid injury to your golf wrists. I've tried to be fair to all sides, but doubtless have left out some oft-employed wisdom and offended someone, so suggest additions if you think it necessary! Have fun!
1. For
a) global warming
b) terrorism
c) precipitous drops in the stock market
d) the decline in housing values
e) America’s inevitable decline
f) China’s inevitable superiority
g) War
h) Famine
i) Pestilence
j) The weak dollar
k) high interest rates
l) high cost of gasoline
m) high cost of groceries
n) high taxes
o) high government debt
p) high consumer debt
q) high medical-care costs
r) high tuition costs
s) all ailments of the economy
t) failing Social Security
u) my low wages
v) my diminishing net worth
w) my diminishing hopes for the future
x) my unhappiness
y) my toenail fungus
z) all of my problems
2) I blame
a) Republicans
b) Democrats
c) Congress
d) The President
e) The Supreme Court
f) The Left-Wing Media
g) The Right-Wing Media
h) The Trilateral Commission
i) Wall Street
j) Speculators
k) Greedy Bankers
l) Greedy Lawyers
m) Greedy Doctors
n) Greedy pharmaceutical companies
o) Greedy oil companies
p) Christians
q) Jews
r) Muslims
s) Idiot liberals
t) The Rich
u) NAFTA
v) The pampered middle class
w) Hollywood and homosexuals
x) The Chinese
y) Aliens from outer space
z) Myself
3) IMO, the only solution is
a) A massive bailout
b) Let market forces rule
c) Send your money to me
d) Drop a bomb on them
e) Fire the idiots
f) Run ‘em out of office
g) Teach them a lesson
h) Wealth redistribution
i) More taxes
j) Less taxes
k) No taxes
l) Change!
m) Stand Up and Fight!
n) Accept Jesus Christ as your savior
o) Enforce capital punishment
p) Abolish capital punishment
q) Legalize abortion
r) Ban abortion
s) Capitalism
t) Socialism
u) Communism
v) Existentialism
w) Nihilism
x) Elect my candidate
y) Purity of Essence
z) Two bathtubs and a bottle of Cialis
4) And everyone who disagrees with me
a) Clearly doesn’t understand the simple facts
b) Misses the point entirely
c) Incredibly, believes his own bullshit!
d) Believes all the liars!
e) Is a fool and talks nonsense
f) Is a mouthpiece for the right
g) Is a mouthpiece for the left
h) Has absolutely zero evidence to support his claim
i) Has no understanding of basic arithmetic, let alone economics
j) Doesn’t know his ass hole from a hole in the ground
k) Is clearly living on another planet
l) Has no common sense
m) F*** you and the horse you rode in on
n) Must think money grows on trees
o) Would apparently like the terrorists to take over
p) Would “build all the guns, and build the death planes” (Bob Dylan)
q) Would “see the guns and sharp swords in the hands of young children” (Bob Dylan)
r) Doesn’t understand “democracy is worth dying for, because it's the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man” (Ronald Reagan)
s) Should know that “Every citizen should be a soldier. This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that of every free state.” (Thomas Jefferson)
t) Doesn’t understand that “liberty's in jeopardy” and “freedom don’t come free” (Toby Kieth)
u) “Your flag decal won't get you into Heaven any more”(John Prine)
v) If his policies are implemented, may find himself living in a shotgun shack…
w) May find himself in another part of the world… and might like Sweden better than this country
x) May ask himself, how did I get here?
y) Where does that highway go?
z) Am I right? ...am I wrong?