Gil H. shapes the USGA's putting green

[TEPaul]

On Wednesday I was planning on going up to North Jersey to have dinner with Pat and his wife anyway and then in the morning I got a call from Gil Hanse about something.

Whenever I get a call from a golf architect the first thing I do is ask them where in the hell they are because the answer to that can be pretty amazing and pretty funny sometimes. I mean for all we know they could be sitting in a bunker in New Zealand calling us in Philadelphia.

So, I asked Gil and he told me he was about fifteen minutes from the USGA Headquarters in Far Hills, NJ. I asked him what the hell he was doing there and he said he was going to spend the day shaping the new "Himalayas" style practice putting green immediately behind Golf House.

Through the day I'd stopped by from time to time and watched him run the dozer and shape the thing. It's 16,000+sf and it sure does have some cool and interesting humps and bumps and contours in it.

Apparently, the USGA for something like five bucks will let visitors putt on it using any type of club and ball through the ages (with the exception of featheries). It will be really fun, I think.

Of course, being me, I asked Gil if anyone had requested to have any contour or whatever named after them and he said not that he was aware of.

So, "Hereinafter, and for all time coming" there will be a massive mound like contour right in the middle of things known as "Mont Paul". It's virtually impossible to miss, as it should be.

It looked to me to be the highest elevation on the massive putting green which is of course most fitting! 

[Joe Hancock]

And who is the sphincter-like depression on the green named after?

 

[TEPaul]

I should also add that there are a ton of neat and interesting contours on that massive 16,000+ sf green and you too can have one of them named after you "Hereinafter and For All Time Coming".

If you're interested send me your contribution for a minimum of $100,000 and I will see that the contour of your choice gets named after you. Your contribution will be directed toward "the greater good of the game" after I subtract my usual "vig".

At this point, I believe only two have been taken. One is the aforementioned "Mont Paul" right in the center of things and the other one is a massive depression on the far left side (as one looks at the green from Golf House) that is bounded on two sides by very steep fall-off ridges.

That one was just named "The Mucci Vortex" and it was donated by the USGA and the State of New Jersey to Pat simply because he is one really powerful DON in that area and most people around there tend to give him all kinds of things for free because if they don't they know they run the risk of getting "Whacked" by the end of the day.

[TEPaul]

"And who is the sphincter-like depression on the green named after?   "


Joe:

Funny you should ask about that one.

When I was there watching Gil H. shape the green I got a call on my cell phone from Mike Cirba who was stuck in heavy traffic on the Washington DC Beltway. I described that sphincter-like depression to him and he told me he'd like to take it and name it the "David Moriarty Sphincter-like Depression", and that he'd send me his $100,000 contribution some other time.

But, you know, Joe, Mike and I talked about that for a while and we agreed that that was somewhere between humor and incivility and that it probably crossed the line into the incivility side of things a bit too much and that as of now we were all----that would be DavidM and the Philadelphia Bullies and Brutes---are now on a path towards raproachment and general atonement, at least, if not, at this time a mutual admiration society, and that it would not be appropriate to name it that.

Cirba tried to convince me to let him call it the "Moriarty Charlatan Cavity" for a contribution of $200,000 but I told him that was just not going to happen.

So, that sphincter-like depression is still available. Do you want it, Joe? 

 

[Mike Nuzzo]

Is it a USGA spec green....   

[TEPaul]

Mike:

No, I don't think so. The reason I say that is as I was standing there a couple of guys from the USGA Green Section came wandering out of the building they work in which is less than a 100 yards away.

When Gil saw them he got off the dozer and came over and demanded to know who in the hell they were. They told him they were from the USGA Green Section and that they worked right there in that building next to the putting green and they'd be glad to give him any USGA green spec specs if he'd like. Gil told them he didn't give a hoot how close they worked and to get the hell off his golf course and leave him alone!

I think what happened is they just really surprised him when he was deep in creative concentration on his dozer. One of them said spec specs so fast a couple of time that may've thrown Gil off too. It sounded to me like some agronomic rash they way the guy said it so fast. After they fled back into the administration building I noticed Gil was humming "Mary Had a Little Lamb" as he got back on his dozer.

These real artists can be pretty tempermental sometimes, you know?

[corey miller]

I am surprised the USGA did not have Rees do the work.

[TEPaul]

Yeah RIGHT, Corey!

Have you ever seen Rees run a dozer?!?   

If Rees was on that dozer last Wednesday, the USGA would probably have to rebuild Golf House after he knocked it over with the dozer! 

[Dave_Miller]

On Wednesday I was planning on going up to North Jersey to have dinner with Pat and his wife anyway and then in the morning I got a call from Gil Hanse about something.

Whenever I get a call from a golf architect the first thing I do is ask them where in the hell they are because the answer to that can be pretty amazing and pretty funny sometimes. I mean for all we know they could be sitting in a bunker in New Zealand calling us in Philadelphia.

So, I asked Gil and he told me he was about fifteen minutes from the USGA Headquarters in Far Hills, NJ. I asked him what the hell he was doing there and he said he was going to spend the day shaping the new "Himalayas" style practice putting green immediately behind Golf House.

Through the day I'd stopped by from time to time and watched him run the dozer and shape the thing. It's 16,000+sf and it sure does have some cool and interesting humps and bumps and contours in it.

Apparently, the USGA for something like five bucks will let visitors putt on it using any type of club and ball through the ages (with the exception of featheries). It will be really fun, I think.

Of course, being me, I asked Gil if anyone had requested to have any contour or whatever named after them and he said not that he was aware of.

So, "Hereinafter, and for all time coming" there will be a massive mound like contour right in the middle of things known as "Mont Paul". It's virtually impossible to miss, as it should be.

It looked to me to be the highest elevation on the massive putting green which is of course most fitting! 

Tommy:
The notice I received from the USGA on this indicated it would be loosely modeled after the Himalya's putting green at St. Andrews.
Best
Dave

[Tiger_Bernhardt]

lol that is great stuff. I am thrilled the USGA is bringing this to Golf Housr.

[Adam Clayman]

Too bad it's not an Art Hills. Could make for some interesting slurring of the tounge.

[Joe Hancock]

Too bad it's not an Art Hills. Could make for some interesting slurring of the tounge.

Adam,

You're not the only one to struggle with the spelling of that word......

http://www.snopes.com/humor/misxlate/tounge.asp

Joe

[JESII]

What do they charge for a test run on the Viagra-Tron?

Is the Viagra-tron a riding machine? Or is it just mechanical fun like a toy?

[Adam Clayman]

Joe, My spell checker said it was wrong but so was the post. thanx now I looked it up.
tongue is tounge for us lykdicsics.

[RJ_Daley]

 

[JESII]

What are you licking?

[Pete_Pittock]

adam,
is that the Harry Potter spell-checker on ur computer? < correct emoticon.

[Mike_Cirba]

Cirba tried to convince me to let him call it the "Moriarty Charlatan Cavity" for a contribution of $200,000 but I told him that was just not going to happen.

Tom,

Damn...I thought it was a good name.

Of course, I first suggested what I thought was the more politically correct, much more inclusive title of the Moriarty-MacWood Memorial Dip, but then you went and shot me right down, straightaways.   

I should mention that "Memorial" refers strictly to their now defunct, expired status on GCA, and the names that could have been attached to that exalted title could have been virtually any of those who have retired early, or much too soon from this site.

The list would be both impressive and sad.   

As I really don't believe that the Moriarty who has come back recently is the same David Moriarty who left us last winter, I thought he would still qualify, especially as using him helps with the excellently alliterative title.   



I'm kidding, guys...REALLY.   

[TEPaul]

This post is to apologize if some actually thought Gil Hanse was mad at some people at the USGA while he was shaping the big new putting green behind Far Hills' Golf House the other day.

He was shaping the green the other day but I just made up the stuff about some guys coming out to watch from the Green Section which is in the building less than 100 yards from the green and Gil getting mad at them.

That didn't happen and he wasn't mad at anyone and he didn't walk back to his dozer humming "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

Apparently Gil was not aware of this thread and he got a few calls from people wondering why he was mad at some people while shaping the green.

Again, I just made it all up. Sorry about that fellows and Gil.

Actually, I'm not sure I should print a complete retraction that he was humming "Mary Had a Little Lamb" when he got on his dozer. It's a little loud out there sometimes with a dozer and he may've been humming "Ring Around the Rosey". I can't be sure.

[JNagle]

The funniest thing about this discussion is the fact that someone actually called Gil wanting to know why he was mad at the USGA guys.  Nice job Tommy!

[TEPaul]

Jim Wagner:

It apparently wasn't just one person it was a bunch of them who called him wondering why he was so mad. The depressing thing is not that I said it but that my humor apparently was totally missed. Oh well.

How have you been?

Guess what, yesterday I spent the day with and had dinner with your double, Jim Nagle!

By the way, how is that drag racing/golf architect partner of yours John "Rockin' Ron" Force? More importantly how is his ultra attractive daughter, the drag racing queen, Ashley Force?

[RSLivingston_III]

The funniest thing about this discussion is the fact that someone actually called Gil wanting to know why he was mad at the USGA guys.  Nice job Tommy!

I have to say I didn't pick up that it was a joke either. I guess I am another one on here that takes things people say here too literally.

[RSLivingston_III]

My big question is what are they targeting for a green speed?

[TEPaul]

"My big question is what are they targeting for a green speed?"


9

[Adam Sherer]

The USGA had initially planned on creating a web-cam to document the construction process and stream the video live on the internet.  That idea, however, has been abandoned.