[J_ Crisham]

Last summer I was playing in a Western Golf Ass. outing at The Knollwood Club. One of our caddies was a 25 yr old mortgage broker/looper. He was atired in the Bill Murray /Carl Spackler headgear and voiced his opinions on everything from the get go. He consistently forecaddied the first six holes including par 3's. His player ,a helluva nice guy from Medinah dumped one into a water hazard on about our seventh hole of the day.  When this player reached into his bag to grab a ball , no less than 8 cans of beer were packed into the bag. The ensuing conversation was interesting at best as said caddie had no idea how 8 still cold cans of beer somehow  found their way into the bag. Needless to say the caddie pouted as the beer was left behind!

[Jeff_Mingay]

Jack,

My brother caddied on the LPGA Tour for about 7 years... where do I start?!?! I have bunch of funny caddie stories; second-hand, of course, but funny nonetheless!

[Walt_Cutshall]

Jack,

My brother caddied on the LPGA Tour for about 7 years... where do I start?!?! I have bunch of funny caddie stories; second-hand, of course, but funny nonetheless!

Well start writing! 

[Joey Smith]

Had a caddy named Hop from ANGC about 10 years ago - He worked in the summers at a club in Tennessee.

I asked him "Hop, hom many months is the ANGC closed and how long is it open?"

He said "it's open for 7 months and closed for 6 months."

I've heard of clubs charging a 13th months of dues - but I didn't know any of them actually had 13 months...That place is really special.

[Martin Del Vecchio]

During high school, I caddied at Burning Tree in Maryland.

One day one of our finest went down the 10th to forecaddy.  His player hit a nice shot, a little to the right of the fairway.  The forecaddy held his hand over his eyes, like a visor, slowly swiveled his head from the looking-up-at-the-tee position, to the watching-the-ball-fly-overhead position, and finally to the looking-down-the-fairway-to-watch-the-ball-land position.

At which point the ball hit him in the back.

[Sam Morrow]

About 4 or 5 years ago I was playing Sugar Hill, a now defunct POS in the Southwest Houston ghetto. I noticed across the course a large group of players walking with caddies but one caddy stood out from the rest. That's because he was dressed as a clown! He was dressed right down to the make-up and red nose. I chose not to go any closer and inquire, I finished my round and left without saying very much.

[Matt OBrien]

I witnessed one of the funniest pranks ive seen in a while while i was caddying. One of the older caddies was fed up with a little kid who was caddying with him. On the 10th hole the kid went to the green and left his bags while he proceeded to the green. There is a creek nearby and the older guy thought it would be funny to find the biggest rock and put it in the bottom of the bag. The kid came back and picked the bags up. The rock was so heavy the strap ripped off and the clubs went tumbling down the hill into the water. The guy couldnt help but laugh and walk away until he realized the member didnt find it to amusing. I was on the hole behind him and watched the whole thing.

[Mickey Boland]

A story told to me by a friend.

He was in the Air Force and was stationed in the Phillipines.  Whenever they played, the caddies would bet on the man they were caddying for.  My friend was a pretty good golfer but was having a particularly bad day, and his caddy was grumbling at him all round and making not so nice comments.  On the last hole, a par 5, my friend striped his second shot onto the green and turned to his caddy and said "What do you think about that."  Caddy replied "Too f*****g late."

[Bill Gayne]

Last summer playing an especially brutal round in Ireland I found myself in the marran grass for the umpteenth time. Not that the weather or conditions were brutal it was my play. The caddy finds my ball in the deep grass off the edge of the fairway and it went like this:

"Bobby, what should I hit?"

"Ah, Bill try the fairway"

Another time I was at Upper Montclair and this was after a very late night and it was an early morning round. The round was not going well for my partner and I as I think we were probably skunked for the first seven or eight holes. I carried a nine wood in my bag and on this morning I happened to hit a really nice shot with it. Given my previous efforts to hit the ball that morning it came as quite a surprise and I got a bit full of myself.

Me to caddy: "I bet you don't see many nine woods out here and shots like that one?"

Caddy to me: "Just the ladies, sir"

Silence. I don't think the nine wood lasted another week before it was replaced with a manly hybrid

[ed_getka]

This happened on opening day at Pacific Dunes. I played the absolute worst golf of my life (not that I'm very good to start with) and was so disgusted with myself that I was practically ready to give up the game. I asked the caddy (who was a good golfer) if he knew anyone interested in buying a set of Staff blades cheap. He said he didn't, but he recommended I point out the "virgin sweet spots" on the irons as a selling point. It was the perfect thing to say and pulled me right out of my funk.

[Bill_Spellman]

Merion Golf Club - 1976

          While an assistant there, an older caddy named Roy, who had stashed 8 or nine 1/2 pints of liquor around the course, was caddying on Ladies Day. Roy went double as was the custom then and was already "primed" when he went out. The ladies were having a bad day and it was a struggle. When they got to the ninth hole, both women proceeded to hit their third and fourth balls into the little pond fronting the green. Roy, who had been making his visits to various trees, off of the beaten path, to "test " the quality of his stashed bottles, finally had enough and proceeded to throw both bags into the pond, announcing that the clubs belonged in the pond with the rest of their golf balls. Last seen Roy was getting on the train just the other side of the 13th tee.

            The other caddy in the group comes running in from the ninth hole to tell Kittleman what happened, and Kittleman told me to handle it because he couldn't stop laughing. I grabbed a cart, another caddy and two rental sets, not knowing what I was going to find. When we got to nine, one of the caddies went in the pond, retrieved both sets and cleaned them up the best that he could. The women finished the round, and Roy was given 60 days off. 

[Mark Smolens]

Playing at Onwentsia about 15 years ago.  Prominent Chicago plaintiff's attorney (no, Terry, not you, I said "prominent") snap hooks drive on #1 dead left, striking a Hispanic maintenance worker who is sitting in a golf cart, knocking the poor guy out of the cart.  We tell our forecaddy to run inside and notify the staff.  Upon arriving, our poor worker is now sitting on the ground, with the imprint of a golf ball clearly visible on his upper chest.  As we're helping him to his feet, the forecaddy comes running out of the pro shop yelling, "they said don't worry about it!"

Triple bogey on very easy 1st hole. . . it's very hard to hit a golf shot while giggling.  Only in Lake Forest.

[Gordon Oneil]

First guys, I need some help...
Is Smitty the name of the caddy at Pine Valley whose claim to fame, actually one of many, are the volumes of poetry he has penned about the golf course?  Actually, for every one of the poems he has composed there is a caddy story about him.
Quickly, someone jump in...Smitty, right.  I don't want to attribute this story to the wrong looper.

[Joel_Stewart]

The caddies at Shadow Creek in the old days when Steve Wynn was owner had some pretty good stories about celebs and Wynn.   The cleanest one I can remember was Wynn was playing with George Bush Sr. and Barbara Bush was riding in the cart.  I guess Steve Wynn is a talker and never shuts up so Barbara had to get involved and told Steve to shut up because George likes to play fast.

Last year I played at San Francisco and a few weeks before my caddy had looped in a group that included Bill Gates.  The caddy asked Gates where he was staying at, and Gates was bitching the hotel room was $250 per night. His tip was so bad that the host ended up paying.

[James Bennett]

First guys, I need some help...
Is Smitty the name of the caddy at Pine Valley whose claim to fame, actually one of many, are the volumes of poetry he has penned about the golf course?  Actually, for every one of the poems he has composed there is a caddy story about him.
Quickly, someone jump in...Smitty, right.  I don't want to attribute this story to the wrong looper.

Gordon

I asked the same question on the 'best caddie' thread, and Sulli confirmed that that is Smitty.

James B

[Jed Peters]

Here's a good one....

I was playing Teeth of the Dog with the same caddie for like four rounds. Anyhow, the other caddies were all sitting around and apparently betting on how well I'd do (because there are like 100 caddies on staff there in the DR just sitting around, and it was in the summer, where it's mostly member play, and they only take one caddie per foursome, and the course was pretty empty....)

Anyhow, on the last day I really wanted to play well and I was going to walk the course. Well, I was 6 over through 6, and I was just pissed. After I pushed my drive on 7, I was completely fed up.

We didn't even look for my ball on my insistence, and we just walked back to the clubhouse.

When we got back to the clubhouse, I told my caddie I was going to pretend to yell at him and be pissed off...... That I quit because he was a "bad caddie".

We got up there, and I did just that. As we headed back to the main area (which was closer to the caddieshack than the pro shop) all the caddies were looking at us in disbelief. I had my head down, yelled some stuff at my looper, then turned to the other guys and said "I quit, he's a bad caddie!"

Remember these guys get ONE complaint and they get put on leave. And $20 tip for a loop is LITERALLY a week's pay.

We went back out, started over, I shot 75, and it was all good.
_______________

Another story, same caddie...the last loop there, the day I was leaving I had $35 american (they'd rather have american $$$ than dominican pesos, shocking, I know), and that was all the cash I had left.

Now I was paying this guy $55/round for the previous 4 days at 36/day, so he was doing pretty good anyhow, but I said....

"Would you rather have the last $35 cash I have left for a tip, or these glasses (pointing to the new-for-that-trip Oakley Half-Jacket golf sunglasses)?"

He told me in half-english half-spanish that he can't ask for any kind of tip, that the caddie fee is $20, but he'll take whatever I'd give him and be happy.

To which I replied, "cool, because I'm sure you don't want these glasses, right"? I got a great smile and he pointed the glasses and nodded.

So, if you're playing Casa de Campo and you see a looper wearing REAL oakleys (the ones there all have fake ones....) ask for him, he's a hell of a looper.

[Ari Techner]

post removed to protect the innocent

[Eric Smith]

My all time favorite funny caddy story.  Well, my favorite funny story told to me by a caddy anyway...

My old college roommate is a caddy.  He's won on the bag with Lehman, DiMarco (twice), Sposa, he's done and seen it all.  He told me this one years ago, and we laughed about it again last weekend when we were at World Woods...I have to share it.

Early 90's.  Poppy Hills.  AT&T National Pro-Am.  Nicklaus finishes his round after a wet rainy day and is in the head taking a leak.  Barry Cheesman is in the urinal beside the Bear.  Cheese asks Jack what he thought of Poppy Hills?  Jack says, "you mean Sloppy Hills?" and they both have a laugh.  Then Jack cuts a big fart, followed by a moment of awkward silence and Jack says, "now THAT'S sloppy!"

 

[archie_struthers]

 


I'm getting ready to finish  a semester at Maryland ...loking forward to living at the shore and looping at PV (circa 1977)

I get a call at school from my good friend Mike ( aka Wags)  who asks me if I can get him a job at the Valley for the summer  ...he's just graduated from Trenton State with  a  fall job lined up with the Camden prosecutors office .

Wags is a decent caddy, Wodcrest CC grad ) but he's one of those ultra-competitive guys    (takes one to know one)  who you just can't tell much of anything to that he doesn't already know..

But, he's my good friend so I call   then caddy master Tom Elder and ask him if he can help Mike out. Tom , who was a  great caddy-master (and good player) says ok Arch , but you've got to break him in. As anyone who grew up in Jersey knows...this means his debt is now mine....

Summer comes and I'm back at the Valley, with Wags in tow. The first loop back I get some members from Florida who I;ve had the two previous summers. Just great guys and all pretty good players, serious golfers!
They've got eight guys , and Mike and I get the second group off.

I tell him that in that since it's his first day I'm going to help him with all the yardages , greens ,  pins,  shortcuts and the like. He's unbelievable pliant (for him) and does a fine job....he listens to me and let's me read the greens ....help him with general knowledge , etc. etc.  in fact the guys in the group  probably didn't realize that he knows little or nothing (LOL)
about the place


Second day...back in the saddle...stuck with Wags again.....one problem surfaces...he now knows the course better than me. Just so you all know, he can't break 100 , anywhere!!!!!   

The players all hit their drives on #1 , and Wags waves me off when I try to slip him the yardage. After giving them bad figs, with the expected results, his players kind of look over at me with a quizzical expression.
 
I then sidle over to my pal and threaten him with dismemberment if he doesn't let me help him , trying hard not to let the players see what's going on!  I just know he's gonna ruin this gig for me....

Although he knows I'm pissed...he reminds me  that he's  better looking than me, that he can beat me in a race, and did I forget that he's my elder  ..... that he was caddying before me also

 I know what's coming....He'll be fired and I'll get heavy bags for the next month when he screws up this loop!


....After his guys chip on, I ask him for his drivers so he can get out front and forecaddy on #2.....he's got the pin and says "that's ok Arch, I'll get this one"   

In abject horror, as he has no clue how to read a green , let alone these nasties, I try to wrestle it away from him...now the players are looking at me like I'm crazy.... so I tuck my tail between my legs...give him my drivers and start out to forecaddy....As i'm slipping away I see Wags trying to read a putt for the member ( Jerry Wochna)  with both bags on his back and pin in hand  ..

  as my ex-pal Wags is backing up to read the putt...which he will surely screw up, he's getting perilously close to the edge of the green...anyone who has been there will relate to this...the green edge falls off like a cliff on left and right....

As he continues to back up towards the precipice....with bags on back no less...I take pity on him and yell back .... Mike, yo Mike.....and Wags (aka Mike) says " Archie...just get out front.....

...now I've had enough and just watch the next act..and God smiled on me that day

. chuckling as he backs up two more steps and plummets...bags and all to the bottom of the hill .....prompting hilarious laughter from me ...the member....the other players..and any other living thing in the area...he finally got some humility !

 our patron Mr. Wochna,  who has remained a good friend to this day .. then asked me if Mike could read all the greens....as he was far better than I.....

He ended up being a decent caddy....lasted the summer... and we have this memory forever ..it's .particularly useful when he waxes  about the  "Glory Days"

[mike_malone]

 A friend of mine's son caddied at Merion last year. They have a nice dinner for the caddies at the end of the year and award the best story told. This was it.

    Caddie A is thinking one of the bags is unusually heavy. Around the 5th or 6th  hole he tells this to caddie B. Caddie B finds that there are around 100 old balls in the bag. As they approach #11 with its blind teeshot caddie
B tells A to stay at the tee while B takes the bags down to the landing area.

    B unloads a large amount of the balls into the creek.

    A's player hits his ball down towards the creek where the balls have been dropped.

  He says " Wow! Look at all those balls! Put them in my bag! ".

[Kalen Braley]

A friend of mine's son caddied at Merion last year. They have a nice dinner for the caddies at the end of the year and award the best story told. This was it.

    Caddie A is thinking one of the bags is unusually heavy. Around the 5th or 6th  hole he tells this to caddie B. Caddie B finds that there are around 100 old balls in the bag. As they approach #11 with its blind teeshot caddie
B tells A to stay at the tee while B takes the bags down to the landing area.

    B unloads a large amount of the balls into the creek.

    A's player hits his ball down towards the creek where the balls have been dropped.

  He says " Wow! Look at all those balls! Put them in my bag! ".

Holy hell, I about laughed up a lung...thats one of the funniest stories I've ever heard.

[mike_malone]

 Kalen,

   That's how I felt when my friend told it to me. But I tend to pee and cry at the same time.

[Jerry Kluger]

Playing Ballyneal last summer and nearly all the caddies there are kids.  We are walking to the 6th tee and one of the caddies slips and falls and he can't get up.  He's maybe 15 years old and says that he fractured his ankle a couple of weeks before but thought it was okay until this happened.  I asked him how he injurred it -  bullriding.

[Bob_Huntley]

This from my post of January 11th, 2005.

Member/Caddie event.

This was years ago at Nchanga, Northern Rhodesia. Once a year we played a tournament where we not only hit alternate shots, but after hitting your shot, you carried the bag to the ball for your partner to hit the next one. As we all had regulars loopers it was done with great fun and a few bets.

However, there was among us one particular irrascible Afrikaaner who was not what you might call liberal minded in matters of race relations. We cajoled him into playing  by the thought that his caddie was the best player in the shack. Gondwe, the caddies name, had taken a ration of grief all year but wouldn't drop his player as the pay wasn't bad and it sure beat working underground. But this was pay-back time.

The Member hit off first, Gondwe hits an indifferent shot, Member gets it on the green, Gondwe knocks it past three feet, Member misses. It goes on like this for another few holes, by which time the caddie has made every mistake imaginable. The fifth hole crosses the Nchanga stream twice. Member tees off, Gondwe hits ball into stream, Member crosses stream to fairway, Gondwe knocks it into the stream.
Member, in high dudgeon instructs Gondwe to find the ball, Gondwe fails to do so. Member says "You're playing like s**t you may as well throw the f***ing clubs in the river." He did so and the last we saw him was running at full speed for the exit.

Of course, all the equipment for the matches belonged to the Members.

A memorable day and a fund of stories for years.

Bob
 

[CJ Carder]

Playing TOC last year, we arrive at my horrific tee shot on the 13th hole, well short of the mound and well left, pratically in the 6th fairway.  I ask my caddie how far to the hole and he replies "ahh, tis about a 3 wood and a taxi from here."  At which point I promptly smoke a hybrid onto the front edge.  I got a bit of wry smile from him after that that seemed to say "damn you, I can accept I'm wrong this once."  He got a pretty good tip for that one.  :-)

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