sort of o/t Golf and Dad

[Jordan Wall]

Boy I miss golf with my Dad.
But at the same time, I'm glad I am fortunate enough to have had some rounds with him.

I was playing golf today and realized it was three years ago today we played our first round together.
Of course, I remember that round like it was the palm on my hand.
I shot a smooth 105, at +40 on the local muni.
Of course Dad hand't played golf in years, but he managed to have some good holes.
I remember leaving the course with a new, logo towel, and smiling ear to ear.

Then there were the days, probably a few months after our first round together, where Dad started beating me on a regular basis.  After a round at Salishan in Oregon early in 05' where I shot 114 and Dad shot 109, I knew I was coming close to finally beating him again.  Then two days later, a Thursday, he surprised me and we went back to Salishan, our second round of the vacation.  Again, I shot 114, but beat Dad as he could only manage a 115.
But he made a 9 on the last hole.  I know he let me win that one.  

The next year, in early April, was the first time both of us broke 100 in the same round.  I went home in 86, he in 99, and we went out to lunch to celebrate.
A short time later, after my friend and I mowed lawns, did yardwork, and other various chores, we finally surprised our Dad's with a special Father's Day trip to the coveted Wasington University home course, Washington National.  "The fairways were like carpet", Dad said, as we blabbed on and on the entire hour drive home with my friend and his Father.

It was last year I played the last round of golf with my Dad.  And wouldn't you know it, it was with a GCA'er.  Jesse might recall playing Harbour Point as my Dad, a 25 handicapper with a bad back, moved to the back tee boxes to "be like his son and his big friend!".  In what was probably, playing wise, the toughest round of my Dad's life, we walked off the 18th green with huge smiles.  Not only had he just had another fun round but he had made a new friend as well, and a good one at that : )

Then there was today.
Commercial before the big Monday Night Game.  Dad and I got to 'discussing'   about the 18th at Kapalua Palntation and how it is a better or worse hole than the 5th at the Bay Course.  Dad got all serious.  The 5th has to be better.  I talk a lot, as everybody who has met me knows.  Of course not, I tell him, your crazy.  And then he says it "I've always wondered where you've gotten it from".
And we laughed.
And talked about how Dad putted the ball from 50 yards out on the 18th, and how that was so cool.
And how great it was to play a hole over the ocean.
And how great it was to play golf together.


Surely I'm not the only one who has enjoyed a few games with the old man.
Golf has done a lot for me.
Among those things, it has given Dad and I something to remember.
And that's pretty cool.

[Geoffrey_Walsh]

Well said, Jordan.  Always keep those memories fresh in your mind.

[Jason Mandel]

Jordan,

Very cool post.

Jason

[Tommy Williamsen]

It is wonderful to have such a great relationship with your Dad.  My Dad and I played hundreds of rounds together.  Sometimes we would finish in the dark and we would hit 7 irons down the last hole so we didn't lose any balls.  On the other end my son and I played hundreds of rounds together as well.  Some of my fondest memories are of Erik and me at Merion and Pine Valley when he was 16.  My Dad is 90 and in MI and my son is 31 and in MN.  My Dad can't play anymore but my son and I will get out a few times a year.  Now I have two  grandchildren.  The are twin boys.  I taught them to ski last year.  This year it's golf. It just keeps getting better.

[Brian Laurent]

Great post, Jordan!

[Kyle Henderson]

I will have the pleasure of my father's company when I spend the afternoon with fellow GCAers @ Morgan Creek this Saturday -- a great blessing to be sure. Such is the magic of golf and life.

Thanks for posting, Jordan.

[Mickey Boland]

My dad is 75 and I treasure the rounds we still play together because I know someday I won't be able to play with him.

Funny observations as he has gotten older.  He still plays well, but not like the single digit handicapper he was in his earlier years.  He complains a lot about the distance he has lost, even though I think he hits it plenty far for his age.  Last few times we have played I have had to tell him in a mock stern voice "We're out here to have fun and if you can't enjoy it then just go on back to the clubhouse."  Pretty much word-for-word the speech I got when I was 15 or 16 and being a real pisser on the course.

Also, I have been walking a lot the last few years and about the only time I ride is when I play with my dad.  Once again, just like when I was a teenager and the only time I rode was when I played a round with dad.

But, he still knows my swing better than anybody.  Still comments on if I'm swinging well or just a little quick, etc.  

Good times with Dad.

[Evan Fleisher]

Jordan,

Very well said and expressed, and as other have commented above - HOLD ON TO THOSE MEMORIES!!!

My father taught me how to play the game...first round EVER was on my 10th birthday with him.  I still remember the day, 11 1/2 years later when I beat him for the first time; I could tell he was both upset and proud at the same time...I will cherish that memory forvever.

Unfortunately, things between my parents and I (and my other siblings for that matter) have not been so good for the past six years or so and my folks do not see their kids or grandkids [sad I know, but it is their choice]...hence golf with my father has ceased to exist.  I sometimes wish it was still there, but life goes on and we live by the decision we make.

Now I have tow young girls of my own, and if this golf-crazed father has anything to say about it at least ONE of them will turn to the game and I'll begin to develop my own cherish memories playing with my own child.

Thanks for making your point here on this thread...good stuff!

[Tom Huckaby]

Great stuff, Jordan.  I've said in here many times that I've made a lot of friends through golf, but my #1 playing partner remains my Dad.  I still get to play with him a couple times a year and those are always the greatest rounds of any given year.  In fact I get to play with him next week and I am so darn excited I can't wait... and the venue is the apparently awful Crossings at Carlsbad... venue matters not in rounds like this.

I have to ask though - and feel free to answer off-line or disregard this if it's too personal - you're very young, as is your Dad - why say NEVER about playing again?

TH

[Mark Smolens]

One of the best things about golf is that I get to think about my Dad every time I play (or even drive by a course).  We lost him to a heart attack in August, 1990 at age 63 -- his Dad had died earlier that same year, so this was a very unfair surprise.  I had talked to him on the Friday before he died, and for the first time ever my handicap index had gone below his (6.1 to 6.3).  We had last been together for Father's Day weekend that year.  We played Ridge CC, Evanston GC, Dubsdread with my Sunday tee time, and both courses at Olympia Fields at an outing on Monday.  For the first time in our lives I was actually beating him pretty consistently -- the adjustment from playing in Arizona full-time took its toll on the lush courses of the Midwest.

As I sit here typing, and crying, I'll tell you guys who still have the chance. . . do not pass up any opportunitys whatsoever to play with your fathers!

[Tom Huckaby]

Sincere condolences, Mark.

And very sage counsel without a doubt.  None of us is getting any younger, and opportunities do not go on infinitely.  We do need to cherish these times while we have them, and for sure not take them for granted.

TH

[Dan Kelly]

Jordan --

Fine post. Thanks.

(BTW: I second Tom IV's curiosity.)

My dad played very little -- just a few rounds a year, at most: on the 9-holer at Ruttger's Bay Lake Lodge, up north, near the resort where we stayed for a week every summer; with friends and clients, at Interlachen. (We were, alas, Social Members.)

He wasn't very good, but he enjoyed it -- in between the cursing.

He had to pay for college educations for five kids -- expensive even then. He had to work hard to do it. There wasn't a lot of time for golf.

In 1970, he signed up as a charter member at a golf course under construction -- Olympic Hills, in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. He'd decided it was time to play some golf. His law practice was doing very well, and he had the time and the money.

And then he died, in a car accident. Never played a single round at Olympic Hills.

The moral of the story is clear:

Play now. Whenever you can.

And cherish the time you have.

Dan

[Jason Connor]

Speaking of golf and dad, anyone who hasn't read Final Rounds should.

It's golfer writer James Dodson's tale of going on a Scotland golf trip with his terminally ill father.

He seemed like a fantastic man and it's a fantastic book.  One of the truly superb books I've ever read.

[Doug Wright]

Jordan,

Very well written. Thank you for this thread.

I lost my father two years ago. He was a dear friend. He first took me to the golf course when I was 10. I remember my first round with him, my last round with him 42 years later and many many rounds in between. I'm deeply indebted to him for that and for the countless other things he taught me and did for me. As others have said, enjoy and appreciate these moments you have with your Dad (and your Mom too) on and off the golf course.

I second Jason's comments on Final Rounds--it's a fine book and very apropos of this topic.

[Jason Topp]

My favorite part about playing with my father is when I hit a bad shot, he will make an involuntary noise like it is almost painful for him.  He is still rooting me on even though I'm 41.

I invited him to Minnesota for a member guest this year.  On the first hole, he hit a decent tee shot.  I realized he had slowed down more than I thought when we got to his ball and he had not even reached the fairway.  

[Jordan Wall]

Tom and Dan,

A few years ago my Dad herniated two discs in his back.
After surgery, he was almost recovered, but not fully.
He used to be a general contractor.
Thats not good stuff for someone with back issues.
Last year his back began to get worse then it ever had before.
This time it was beyond surgery and repair, and trust me, we tried.
He is now disabled with chronic nerve damage to his back.
He is unable to work or play golf, for the rest of his life.

It sounds harsh, but it can be a blessing too, when I come home at 2:15 from school to a smiling face everyday.
He's still there for me, all the time.
And why I do miss some of the good times, I'm sure there are plenty to come too.
In fact, I'm absolutely positive.  Even if those good times are debating about how bad the Seahawks running game is, or by what hole hole is better, or this or that.
He's still there.
 

[George Pazin]

I'm looking forward to teeing it up with my little guy someday.

I hope he'll feel the same way Jordan does.

And Final Rounds is very good, indeed.

[Tom Huckaby]

Jordan - thanks for the reply.  You have one fine attitude, my friend.  I surely do believe in accentuating the positive and you are doing that in spades.  Well done.

George - don't be too disappointed if your little guy does not take up the game.  For every great story about father-son golf like the ones in here, there are an equal amount where the father is a golf nut and the son/daughter never does play.   That is the case with my daughter, who finds golf to be this patently stupid thing her embarassing Dad does (she's 12).  I have hopes also to play with my son, and have a lot so far, but at least at this point he doesn't have the love for the game I do.  But while hope springs eternal as I'd love for he and I to have the golf games my Dad and I have had, well... if it never happens, we have LOTS of other things in common.

TH

[Bill Brightly]

Years ago my Dad and I entered the two man team tournament at our club. I knew he really wanted to win a "board tournament" where the winners name would go up...

So we reach the semifinals against this quirky 28 handicap doctor and his partner. On the first hole I notice that the Doc has about 18 clubs in his bag! (Two sets of woods, one metal, one wood, gave it away to this eagle eye ex caddy...) I tell my Dad but he says "Willy, you are a 5 handicap, just beat him..."

We go one down after 7 and I suggest calling it...Dad says no.

We lose 11 to go two down, and in my sternest voice I tell my Dad that I'm calling it now. Dad says: "if you do, you can play them by yourself because I'm walking in..." So I ponder that...and decide not to call it...

My Dad, a 13 handicap, then birdies #12 (our Redan!!!) and I birdie 13 and 14, and end up winning 3 up with 2 to play. Next week we won the finals 6 and 4, and Dad got his name up on the wall, the right way!

[Dan Smoot]

Jordan,

Good topic.  Cherish that relationship with or without golf.

My Dad is 72 and even at my age, I still seek his council.  He has a wonderful sense of good judgement that I trust implicitly.  I no longer just enjoy our golf times together, I absolutely cherish it now.  I just sense that any time could be our last time even though he is in good health.

It is unfortunate we (me and men in general) live much of our lives without the proper importance of relationships. We let ourselves come to the brink of significant changes in life (fathers to sons) before we wake up and see that our focus on being busy in life is letting something very important slip away.

My dream is to take him to Bandon and share that experience with him (and my brother) since he has never played golf on that type of coastal links courses.  

[Kyle Harris]

I cannot quite feel what Jordan feels because my father does not play golf, nor does anyone in my family.

However, my father was the man who did not bat an eyelash when we'd wake up at 4AM to drive 2 hours to make a 7:10 tee time, and he somehow managed to find a way to make every one of my high school matches.

My father was with me the first time I played Huntingdon Valley's A nine and C nine in High School matches.

He was with me on my hit every fairway and green and then have 50 putt day round during the High School District 1 championships at Wyncote.

He was there for my first tournament, when I fired a 120 in the USGA Junior Am qualifier at Llanerch - where Aaron Baddeley was medalist.

He would make very naive, but ultimately poignant remarks like, "it looked like you were aiming a little bit left on that one chip" or "you were very rushed coming out of that bunker on 14..."

Sometimes I believe that those comments did more to help my game than any professional could have.

Now that my own life is getting together and busy, I still don't quite understand how he made the time and effort to be there for so much, and still be able to provide so much. Perhaps, it will just take a few more years and the birth of my first child.

[MargaretC]

Jordan:

GREAT post!  My husband's grandfather taught me the game.  One summer Pap surprised me with a set of clubs.  He said that he had gotten to the point where he could no longer keep up with the "boys."  He didn't want to miss the family golf outings and if I would play with him, he wouldn't feel as if he were holding anyone back.  The two of us could trail the "Pack" and go at our own speed.  That was complete bunk -- there was nothing wrong with his game.  I didn't realize it at the time, but he just wanted to encourage me to play because my husband's entire family is passionate about golf.  

Pap's strategy worked.  I treasure those memories.  There are many wonderful aspects of the game of golf, but being able to span generations makes it extra-special.

Thanks, Jordan!

[Jamey Bryan]

Jordan

Thanks for starting this thread, I've had an entire evening thinking about my times with my father on golf courses (and shedding a few unashamed tears).

My father was never an accomplished golfer, but he loved the game and the environment.  Twelve years ago, he told my mother he was going to go to the club and play a few holes.  About an hour later, he returned with the explanation that he didn't feel quite right.  Two weeks later, he died from complications of a heart attack and bypass surgery.  I take great comfort that there was no significant time that he was unable to play.

I played little golf with my father in my teens.....   He felt strongly that the course should be reserved on weekends for members who were unable to play during the week (thus I was banned from the course on weekends!), and his schedule allowed very little weekday play.  We played often on vacations; though my handicap was always 8-15 shots lower than his, I don't think I ever beat him until I was in my 20's.

Our best times were mostly after I graduated from college.  Living in Atlanta, I invited my father the first time I was given two tickets to the Masters (we had both been, but never together).  Mother told me much later that he was really excited that I wanted him to go with me.  I didn't think much about it at the time, it simply seemed right.  Now I thank God that it did, as I didn't have all that many opportunities to give him that kind of pleasure.  My first Member/Guest where I could afford to cover the full entry I invited my folks....  That was a great weekend (both golf and social) though I think my folks were both more impressed with my date (Katie Couric-- I went to school with her and she was an unknown Asst. Producer for Ted Turner at the time) than they were with either the golf or the club.

Anyway, this thread has afforded me the pleasure of looking back at the times my father and I have had, and also the importance of everything else related to golf that my father taught me:

That golf is a gentleman's game
Play fair
Enjoy!

Thanks again, Jordan.

Jamey

[Tim Gavrich]

Starting in 2000, my father and I played in the Father & Son Team Classic, a three-day team tournament that attracts about 550 fathers and 550 sons/sons-in-law to a bunch of Myrtle Beach golf courses.  It's great fun, and even the fact that we play some crummy golf courses is mostly mitigated by the fact that the quality time spent over those three days is so great (except on the alternate-shot day, when many a relationship is tested   ).

My dad and I have not played in it the last two years.  But I will convince him to do it this year, I think.

Thanks Jordan--a splendid post.

PS: The link to the tournament site:
http://fathersongolf.com/
It's worth a look...a bit pricey, but a great deal of fun, for sure.

[Tony Dear]

Jordan,
My Dad's long gone but I'll never forget our numerous rounds together, like the time at Mullion in Cornwall, England, where I (the budding young pro) shot 87 and he (the washed up 13-handicapper) shot 73, or our first game on TOC when we got paired with a couple of Americans and Dad spent the entire round looking over at me at me with a look of 'What did he just say?' on his face - ('Be the right stick, pull up a chair, chew baby, one time! etc etc - priceless.) Or the time at Walton Heath when I shot 77 aged 13, I think, and he showed me off in the clubhouse like I was Seve. And the time at Carnoustie, and Sunningdale, and West Sussex, and......
Thanks for the opportunity to relive some memories - great post.
By the way, Joe Carranza emailed yesterday. He invited me down to Aldarra; says the course is in the best shape of the year. I think it might wait until it warms up a bit though. Don't want to take on Aldarra with numb fingers.
Cheers mate,
Tony