[Noel Freeman]

*This is not about the Sex Pistols song of same subject name!

Recently I went to the UK for work and visited Liphook and Hankley Common.  I can digress and go into my thoughts on those courses but that is not the object of this humble ditty.

While at Heathrow on my way home, I happen to have a little problem as I set off the detectors for bomb making materials.  Not privy to the secrets of how to make a pipe bomb and not angry at anyone enough in the world enough to strike revenge with an incendiary device (although I have thought about testing the theory of 72 virgins by taking out the evil monkey man professor Dr. Childs), I was quite shocked at being culled aside like a baboon that stole fruit and asked questions by 5 members of the UK's finest.

Now even though I am an atheist, I did find myself praying for Darwin's god to save me as the blokes were having nothing of the evolution of my story which was: Hey I was playing golf, they fertilized the course with well um fertilizer and here ya go, I set off the bomb detectors.  The fact that my Yale Golf Hat and golf shoes were the main culprits in this did nothing to assuage these "chaps".  Maybe they thought I was "too American" which is a common quip amongst the Brits now.  I don't take kindly to it even though I have a salty sense of humour although not as good as JakaB's or Rich Goodale's.  

I digress, lets move on here and hole out.  So, after 30 minutes of questions, who do I work for, why do I come to the UK so much, why should Deal host another open, we finished up with me SIGNING some documents akin to saying if I ever got in trouble in the UK again, I could be banned from the country.

Well I guess this is a way for them to ban me from playing my favourite courses in the world, I just wish they would have done the same with Paul Turner there to defend my good honour.

So I get home to JFK.. The shakedown, body cavity search etc all just memories.. But my bags, ah.... no joy.. On the next flight they assure me that comes in at midnight.. Sure, matey, sure.. Flight comes in, no joy... Here tommorrow morning they assurred me--alas BA does stand for bloody awful.  Ah no.. 3 days later and looking like an elephant trampled my business suits and suitcase (luckily it was a Samsonite and didnt they do a commercial with an elephant) my bag has made it back.

And the UK is safe from NAF!

[RJ_Daley]

Nitrates residue under foot on the shoes, well of course.

Nitrates residue from the hardest 6 inches in golf under the hat.... priceless.  

NAFFER, your humble ditty is a laffer.  Nice writing!  

[Mark Bourgeois]

This is too much of a coincidence:

Monday, June 11, 2007 -- 12:39 PM ET
------------------------------------------------------------

Appeals Court Orders 'Enemy Combatant' Free

Court rules that the Bush administration cannot detain an
immigrant as an "enemy combatant" without charging him.

Read More: http://www.nytimes.com/?emc=na

[Tom Birkert]

Firstly, the lesson should be not to fly with BA. Ask most people this side of the Pond and you'll be told that they are a shoddy airline. I had to fly with them last year to LA, and the service was dreadful.

Secondly, I have every sympathy with what you went through, however I assure you that is nothing compared to what us Brits normally have to go through to enter the USA!! It's normally at least an hour wait, after which you get finger printed, photoed and grilled by someone with absolutely zero sense of humour before - if you're lucky - they let you in.

[Rich Goodale]

Noel

Most of the anti-terrorism squad think that "Sandwich" is two pieces of bread held together by some prawns and mayonnaise.  When you mentioned the word "Deal" my guess is that their anti-corruption sensors went into overdrive.  Next time, limit your golf conversation to "Painswick."  They'll think you are a pervert, but not a danger to the realm.....

Constructively

Rich

[Jim Nugent]

Welcome to the future.

But is what you described really "anarchy?"  Kind of seems like the opposite to me.  

[Michael Christensen]

at least you got your stuff back......on my way back from Scotland in the spring TSA officials confiscated my two pairs of golf shoes, claiming mad cow or something (had some dirt/grass particles on the bottom of the shoes)  I was livid due to the fact one pair was brand new.......I bit my tongue and moved along seeing I has tix to the Final Four and had to high tail it downtown to the games

 

[Tommy Williamsen]

Every time I fly I am reminded that the terrorists have already won.

[redanman]

US Airways in and out of Philly is just fine, thank you.  In season, PHL direct to GLA 20:30 - 08:30 outbound.  Out of season good connector through Manchester, arrive in enough time to easil play Norht Berwick - Home of Redan.

Bad news: The Duty-Free Hermès cologne was spoilt and so was its replacement. However, the Edinburgh selection of whiskies can be seal-bagged to your arrival US Airport.  You CAN buy that 30 year old bottle of Brora and take it home.

[Bill_McBride]

At least you weren't flying Alitalia.  On our last trip to Italy, 6 adults and a granddaughter, three sets of bags 3-4 days late (one set sent from Rome to Barcelona not Florence) and then one sent back to Milan from Atlanta on the way home.

I think "Alitalia" may be Italian for "lost baggage."  

[Kalen Braley]

I always feel muuch safer when they frisk those willy and dangerous 80 yr old grandmas at the security checkpoint.  We wouldn't any rogue Ensure distributors slipping thru the cracks...  

[James Bennett]

At least you weren't flying Alitalia.  On our last trip to Italy, 6 adults and a granddaughter, three sets of bags 3-4 days late (one set sent from Rome to Barcelona not Florence) and then one sent back to Milan from Atlanta on the way home.

I think "Alitalia" may be Italian for "lost baggage."  

Bill

you can always pick an Alitalia plane - they are the ones with hair under the wings!  Oh, and apparently a slightly heavier luggage compartment.

Michael (and Noel)

I thought I was hard done by when I arrived back in Australia, and they took my golf shoes away and scrubbed them for perhaps 5 or 10 minutes to 'disinfect' them.  (I was also questioned about how clean the faces on my clubs were!) A mate of mine returned from Hawaii and di not declare golf shoes to the customs staff, and he received a good 10 minute lecture.

However, having your shoes removed, or having the 30 minute interview, well that is another level again.

I guess I will be trying to clean my shoes a little more next time I travel overseas.

James

[Michael Christensen]

James,

I was about to mention the sand in the grooves of my 7 iron (my great out of Hell bunker!), but I didn't want the Paris Hilton cavity search!  It is getting ridiculous, but if you pipe up you are at Gitmo for summer vacation!

[Mark Pearce]

Firstly, the lesson should be not to fly with BA. Ask most people this side of the Pond and you'll be told that they are a shoddy airline. I had to fly with them last year to LA, and the service was dreadful.

Secondly, I have every sympathy with what you went through, however I assure you that is nothing compared to what us Brits normally have to go through to enter the USA!! It's normally at least an hour wait, after which you get finger printed, photoed and grilled by someone with absolutely zero sense of humour before - if you're lucky - they let you in.

What Tom said.  Entering the US as an alien is an ordeal the authorities have worked hard to make as miserable as it is.  A quick word here for two US airports - LAX, which has taken that misery to an extreme and O'Hare, which appears to have lost a copy of the memo.  I arrived there in March and not only were the immigration and customs desks both well staffed for non-US entrants but they were staffed by fast, efficient and friendly people.

[Mark Chaplin]

Noel,

I will have to bring your run in with the authorities to the attention of the Deal Board at our next meeting. As well as cavity searches and lost baggage you maybe assigned an undercover caddie to make sure your not subverting our efforts!!

You could always sue Liphook and Hankley for using non-natural fertilizer.
 
Chappers

[Mark_Rowlinson]

Try going in and out of Israel if you want a thoroughly horrid experience.

[John Kavanaugh]

Every time I fly I am reminded that the terrorists have already won.

Every time I land I realize that they have not.

[Mark Bourgeois]

Mark,

Have you ever entered an Arab country with an Israel stamp in your passport? Easily the worst experience you can imagine, so much so that many travelers to the region carry an "israel passport" or ask the authorities not to leave a mark.
 

[Mark_Rowlinson]

Mark, No I've not, but I remember having to have a new passport to work in the former DDR because I had an American work permit in my old one.

[Rich Goodale]

I had to get an 80-year old defrocked minister to testify that I had sung in the Church Choir for the summer of '59 to get a visa to Saudi in 1976.  One of my colleagues made the cut by showing them a letter addressed to him from the Notre Dame Alumni Association, asking for donations to help fund the Pat Mucci Chair in Rhetoric.

[Mark Chaplin]

Ah Middle East travel now your talking. The only real problem with an Israeli stamp is Lebanon and Syria who won't let you in UAE, Egypt & Jordan are ok with Israel stamps. SA won't let you in any way so doesn't really count.

Last time I went to Israel in March for a soccer international the immigration lady gave me a friendly smile and asked why I was visiting the country, after a chat about football she started the passport viewing.

A couple of Egypts were no problem, Dubai a breeze and 25 Jordanian entry/exit stamps caused a raised eyebrow, a long weekend in Beruit drew a serious frown and the week in Syria finalised with a discrete telephone call and TWO hours in the holding pen for interviews and grilling.

Never did play the course in Damascus, has anyone here played there? It's meant to be pretty good.

My next problem will be US immigration as I now have the Israeli stamp to add to all the Arab ones, could be easier to spend $180 on a new passport!!

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