Patrick,
I just drank my glass of hemlock, so here are answers to most of the questions you have posed:
I can't think of ONE benefit for keeping a golf course soft and lush, can you?
-A club exists, in part, to provide happiness for its members. More than a few of these members world-wide associate golf with a brilliant green color, for better or for worse. One might suggest that their happiness would increase with changed playing conditions (a shift to firm and fast), but it is entirely that their happiness stops solely with superficial appearances. Club members are going to demand certain playing conditions to meet their needs, or even just their desires, and if a majority of the club feels the same way (which seems to be the case at many clubs), the course will be maintained to that level. Moreover, it is the job of the superintendent to serve the needs of the membership, and so he keeps the course consistent with their edicts. The benefit, then, becomes the happiness of the members, however philosophically flawed that happiness may be in the minds of some.
Why do you keep returning to extremes?
-This whole conversation is about extremes. None of us seem to be able to get away from it.
Why wouldn't you want to strive for those playing conditions where they are attainable ?
Why settle for substandard, overwatered conditions ?
-These two questions are related, and so the answer will be likewise. Who sets the standards? It sounds like you are. What is the standard, and how can one be below it? As you have mentioned time and time again, there is no standard, only a flowing, liquid ideal that varies from course to course, from region to region, and so forth. But again, I’ll go back to the notion of the (perhaps) flawed wishes of members and/or the public who play a given golf course. Some people are happy just to have the day off work and be able to spend time outdoors with their friends. They will play a horribly designed, horribly conditioned course simply because it is close to their home. If a course meets their needs of simply being open on Saturdays, then maybe that is enough. Many people are not very demanding of the quality of their golf; their “standards” are lower than others; they just want to play the game. I beg you not to try to refute this. Let them keep their dignity.
Do you really believe that golfers enjoy approaching a ball they've just hit, to find mud all over it? Do you think they enjoy finding their ball six inches or less from its pitch mark? Do you think they enjoy getting NO ROLL?
-Again, related questions. I don’t know what other golfers appreciate, only what I appreciate. I will say, however, that it seems as though good players ideally like total control over a struck ball, when such conditions are attainable (to paraphrase an expression of yours). How many times do you think Tiger has, even when playing a course that meets your firm and fast ideal, run a shot over the ground for an excessive period when an aerial approach is possible? The answer is, probably, not as much. When he hits the ball in the air, the shot that he hits will have a better chance of coming off as he planned; the ground, as you also have admitted, often bounces the ball in various directions. But Tiger is who he is because the ball does what he wants more often than the other guy, and that is often (though not always) the case because he has better control over the ball when he strikes it and it goes to the air. He practices so much so that he is more aware of the variables, and, as with most things, the more information you have, the better decision you can make and the cleaner that you can execute that decision.
Steve, could you name me five individuals who enjoy "SOFT & LUSH" conditions?
-This is just a bad question. It can't go anywhere constructive. Any answer to this one would probably be dismissed quicker than I could write it, so I will confindently let it go.
Now you want to include mowing grass?
-Have you ever worked on the grounds crew of golf course that hosts a PGA Tour event? A USGA event? How about on the grounds crew of any golf course? Well, I have, and I do. Double cutting and double rolling, though perhaps not the norm, is not unusual. You say that firmness and speed are both functions of moisture, or, more accurately, the lack thereof. I will concede that, but add that all this activity on the surface of the green serves to compact the soil (effectively dispersing the moisture) and making the surface play much firmer and faster than if nothing had been done. The green has then become, quite unnaturally, firm and fast. Further, if you will admit that, as a general rule, the lower the cut, the faster and further a ball will roll (a green will roll further than a fairway), then mowing does have an effect on firm and fast. So, yes, I will include mowing grass.