Mark O'Hair's fax to the media

[noonan]

http://www.thegolfchannel.com/core.aspx?page=15101&select=17097&select2=2

There are many pages including the contracts his son signed.

[Brent Hutto]

This fellow needs to turn off the talk radio and get a life. If he thought the press was on his case before, this little manifesto will give them enough gist for endless harping. Or maybe it's all a canny plot...there's no such thing as bad press or something like that.

[Andy Troeger]

Brent, I have to agree with you. While I think the guy probably wasn't as completely 100% terrible as the media portrays, he certainly is opening himself up for further criticism. There is certainly room for many views on this one, but it looks like he did a lot for his son more because he hoped to be repaid than because of the love he professes from his son. To compare his son to an investment and labor is really a sad comment, whether meant in sarcasm or not.
Andy

[John Kirk]

Fascinating.  I saw the 60 Minutes story on the O'Hairs a few years back, and though there was a hint of discontent between Sean and his father, I did not perceive the story as totally one-sided.

Imagine spending years of your life successfully raising your child to be a professional golfer and having him turn his back on you.  The hurt must be unbearable.  And yet, he raised him in such a tough and impersonal way, choosing to place respect, hard work and authority above love and friendship.  That was his choice and these are his consequences.

Furthermore, the son Sean blossomed as a player once he found love and compassion in his life.  Boot camp has a finite useful life span.

My father was a fine athlete who never pushed me to do anything.  I grew up in a vastly different environment (Palo Alto, CA) than Sean O'Hair.  My parents were very liberal in every respect.  I could have been a much more successful athlete if Dad was tough on me.  Instead I had a lifelong friend and playing partner.

Speaking of liberal, why is the first paragraph of his fax an attack on the liberal media?  That s**t drives me crazy.

[S. Huffstutler]

The liberal media thing is a red herring. He's a jerk and he's lucky he didn't raise an axe murderer.

[Jim Nugent]

I have a couple of conflicting reactions, though overall it's positive.  

O'Hair senior comes across to me as a man who deeply loves his son.  He put huge amounts of time and money into helping Sean achieve his dream.  It worked -- or at least something did.  At the age of 23, Sean is a top player on tour.  It looks like the sky is the limit.  By all accounts, Marc had to play a big role in that.  

I don't agree with some of his child-raising philosophy.  But he does not seem a monster.  He developed a regimen to build and toughen Sean, mentally and physically.  Axe murderer?  Lost me on that one.  

Curious if the contracts would hold up in court.  Would surprise me if a lifetime contract could be valid.  Perhaps some of the attorneys out there can give some insights.  

Marc clearly made mistakes.  Every parent does.  But his son has turned out quite well, which would be impossible if he had truly been abused all his life.  Marc doesn't seem as crazy to me as the press made him out.  
 

[Andy Troeger]

Jim,
  I definitely agree on the conflicting feelings from reading through the information. Part of me wants to believe the positive things you mentioned in your post, and admittedly Sean has done very well for himself. I just have a problem believing in his motives if he took the time to have his son sign not one, but TWO contracts. Was he really in it for his son, or for what he could get out of it?

[Bob_Huntley]

Jim Nugent,

Do you have children?

Would you make your son run a mile if he bogied a hole?

Would you berate a child for some imagined failure?

The man is a jerk and what is worse in my opinion, a bully.

The treatment of this young man amounts to child abuse.

Bob

[peter_p]

Lets see, he said that Sean is immature and won't accept responsibility. And he didn't release him from the contract, he puts the onus on his immature, irresponsible son. He's still trying to manipulate his son by saying who his teachers should be, and disrespecting him by telling him he has to train harder. Where do I sign up to be a physician's assistant for over $100,000 per annum?

Sorry.

[John_Conley]

Makes me want to go back to college.  Anyway, some thoughts...

#1 - Mark, the problem isn't the amount of love you have for your son.  You've loved him the best you know how.  THAT'S the problem.

#2 - Commendable work at the Bradenton Academy, whatever that is.  All As for two years.  G'job, Sean.

#3 - Vijay committed to this workout routine in his late 30s.  Annika in her early 30s.  His insistence on the Marijuanavich/Pierce approach didn't let Sean grow up and learn any of these lessons on his own.  We all, save Mark, know that lessons learned on your own have a more profound impact.

#4 - He's right about players from overseas and college.  But 20th at Fort Smith?  Whoopdee-effin'-do.  He's in utter denial that he COULD HAVE suggested his son let someone else pay for his college and golf progression.  Full rides in golf are rare, but we're talking about the Number One ranked junior player in the country.  A parent has the duty of telling their children what is best, even if it isn't what they want to hear.  At some point Mark and Sean asked Buddy Alexander if the professional could play for Florida.  Uh, no.  Even I know that.  Why wouldn't you want your son to understand that BEFORE he turned pro while in HS?

#5 - The slapping/bloody nose thing smacks of the horror in the house.  Forget the physical part.  Does THAT sound like any fun?  My dad isn't warm and open, but we always got along.  It just doesn't sound like a fun place all the neighbor kids wanted to go hang.

#6 - This dude and I would NOT get along.  I'm 37 and no hip cat, but his disdain for the younger generation is extreme.  People wonder why I list Hugh Downs as a personal hero.  Easy.  He never went on-air and pretended that his 80 year old ass came from a better era.  One example was his gushing praise for Ray Davies.  Most people RAY DAVIES' age had lost respect for rockers.

#7 - If nothing else, we learned how Leadbetter recruits.

#8 - $100 million to 500 million!!  Better get to work.

#9 - I love my son.  Let me go get that contract and show you.

It appears that Sean will be alright.  Mark is now managing the burgeoning singing career of his daughter.  Last year she sung the anthem at a Magic game.  Don't laugh, the same thing that propelled Mandy Moore to superstardom.  I wish them all well.

[MarkT]

The effects of alcoholism are shinning bright in Mr. O'Hair's fax.  His father's drinking affected him and now he has tried to pass on those problems onto his son. Control, manipulatation, and "all or nothing" are the classic problems associated with alcoholics and children of alcoholics. His fax is a text book example.

This isn't about Sean and what's best for Sean. It's all about the father and his ability (or inability) to control Sean, the media, and the entire situation.

He may have quit drinking but he sure isn't a recovering alcoholic. I feel very sorry for Sean.

[Jim Nugent]

Jim Nugent,

Do you have children?

Would you make your son run a mile if he bogied a hole?

Would you berate a child for some imagined failure?

The man is a jerk and what is worse in my opinion, a bully.

The treatment of this young man amounts to child abuse.

Bob

Yes I have kids.  The greatest blessing of my life.  And I would not make them run a mile for a bogey, or as punishment for anything.  That's crazy.  I thought Marc said that was not true though, and that  Sean supposedly admitted it wasn't?

Sean made up his mind at an early age what he wanted in life.  To be a pro golfer.  It doesn't sound like Marc pushed him into this: it was his dream, one that solidified and took shape as he kept getting better.  His father did everything he could to help Sean achieve his goal.  Some was bad, IMO, some was good.  Slapping I disapprove of.  The required forms of respect I disapprove of.  Never berate a child -- I definitely would like to get the facts on that.  If Marc did constantly berate Sean, I change my opinion.  

In the meantime, I look at the end result.  Sean is one of the world's top golfers, at 23.  By all accounts he is an extremely nice young man, with a fantastic future ahead of him. If he suffered so much abuse, how could he possibly have turned out that way?  To me, that doesn't equate well with abuse.  

The contracts are the biggest fly in this ointment I'm describing.  Would never cross my mind to ask my children to sign contracts with me.  Suggests Marc knew things were not so hunky dory, and was trying to cover his ass.  

Sitll eager to know if the attorneys on GCA feel the contracts were valid.  

[Tyler Kearns]

A contract between a loving father & son over future golf earnings (or really anything for that matter)? Me thinks this relationship had some problems.

Just when I thought labelling the corporately-owned media as "liberal" and "leftist" was moronic, slapping your child across the face as a means of punishment is abusive, and unlike stupidity, it cannot be condoned.

TK

[Steve_Roths]

Couple of things.  Having grown up with a father that was similar to Mr. O'Hair I can tell you a couple of things.  First, he is nothing short of a monster.  Your child is not an investment.  Second, most of these men that treat their children this way are just pushing their issues down onto their children instead of dealing them with themselves.

Lastly, a gentleman would never write that letter that Mr. O'Hair did. Irregardless wether he is right or wrong it is beneath a father (any father) to write those things about his child and then release it to the public.  Let's just hope the media realizes this is a non-story and moves forward with covering Sean O'Hair's career based on his on course actions.  

[Brent Hutto]

Marc clearly made mistakes.  Every parent does.  But his son has turned out quite well, which would be impossible if he had truly been abused all his life.  Marc doesn't seem as crazy to me as the press made him out.  
 

A while back I heard a story about a black man who spent half his life on an infamous Texas prison chain gang, beginning when he was a teenager. When he finally was released, against all odds this person who had never been taught how to read and write and whose only memories were of being treated as a subhuman wretch due to a single relatively minor crime managed to educate himself and eventually in his 60's become a successful crusader for prison reform and an inspirational speaker of some renown.

Years later he paid a call on the aged warden who had been forcably retired when the chain gang he had ruled for decades was finally deemed cruel and unusual punishment and eliminated. The old man poured him a glass of lemonade and then launched off into some cock and bull about how good it made him feel to see "one of his boys" make something of himself even though he came to the farm as a worthless reprobate. It was his belief that the punishment inflicted by the chain gang system was all for the best as long as a few of the prisoners went on to have a life.

The ex-prisoner's response? He drank his lemonade, looked the old man in the eye and told him "Warden, you didn't have shit to do with it" then walked away.

[Brad Klein]

The intro by the father is as clear a case of pathological narcissism as anything you will ever find. He is the hurt person, he is the one who is victimized, he is the one who is being picked upon by the public, by the media, and by Sean and his coterie - that's how this guy sees things.

This is not a father who loves his son. Nobody who really loves someone reveals this amount of their private life. This is a self-absored narcissist who loves himself and wants to mold his son in his own image and can't accept the fact that his son is actually a unique person. It's a pathologiocal version of empty nest syndrome that is really more about control than about cultivating talent. He's out to control, and if he can't control his son anymore he will try to control what others think about himself.

[Jack_Marr]

I don't know the real story, but he's entitled to his say. It does sound like the father is the child blaming others for his mistakes, though.

[Brent Hutto]

You have to give him credit for one thing. His fax to the media made the real situation perfectly clear.

[Jim Nugent]

Marc clearly made mistakes.  Every parent does.  But his son has turned out quite well, which would be impossible if he had truly been abused all his life.  Marc doesn't seem as crazy to me as the press made him out.  
 

A while back I heard a story about a black man who spent half his life on an infamous Texas prison chain gang, beginning when he was a teenager. When he finally was released, against all odds this person who had never been taught how to read and write and whose only memories were of being treated as a subhuman wretch due to a single relatively minor crime managed to educate himself and eventually in his 60's become a successful crusader for prison reform and an inspirational speaker of some renown.

Years later he paid a call on the aged warden who had been forcably retired when the chain gang he had ruled for decades was finally deemed cruel and unusual punishment and eliminated. The old man poured him a glass of lemonade and then launched off into some cock and bull about how good it made him feel to see "one of his boys" make something of himself even though he came to the farm as a worthless reprobate. It was his belief that the punishment inflicted by the chain gang system was all for the best as long as a few of the prisoners went on to have a life.

The ex-prisoner's response? He drank his lemonade, looked the old man in the eye and told him "Warden, you didn't have shit to do with it" then walked away.

Brent, do you think the analogy really fits?

[Brent Hutto]

Jim,

I don't know the particulars of the O'Hair relationship but it seems obvious that the father is a real nutjob. If Sean is a reasonably well adjusted young man and a success at his career then it is in spite of his father tormenting him, not because of it.

A child's accomplishments do not retroactively validate whatever misguided actions the parent chose to subject that child to. By his own accounting of events Mark O'Hair is a terrible parent and a piece of crap as a human being. It is nonsense to claim that his bad actions are justified because in the end his kid didn't go on to become a basket case, a drug addict or a sociopath. That credit belongs to Sean, not his dad.

[Jim Nugent]

The intro by the father is as clear a case of pathological narcissism as anything you will ever find. He is the hurt person, he is the one who is victimized, he is the one who is being picked upon by the public, by the media, and by Sean and his coterie - that's how this guy sees things.

He IS being picked on by the media.  That understates it.  National prime time TV, websites and magazines around the country portray him as a monster.  Maybe he deserves it, maybe not.  But he is not pathologicial in detecting the sentiment, which is nationwide humiliation.    

I don't approve of some of what he did.  He obviously clashed with his teenage son, and seriously misjudged some critical needs Sean had.  That said, I don't believe that truly abused children have a prayer of turning out as well as Sean has.  

 

 

[PThomas]

a contract with your own kid???  guy  sounds like a real F___ing dickhead

[John_Conley]

He IS being picked on by the media.  

The media will only report what is there.  Do they spin it?  Yeah, but they wouldn't (and aren't, notice?) do this about any other Tour father.  Earl Woods' life was picked apart... so don't pretend that there is an isolated case here.  Most Tour fathers don't have an intriguing story like this.

One could argue that the father-son relationship is private.  Sure, but Mark O'Hair hasn't tried to keep it such and raised his son toward the sole goal of reaching the spotlight.  Pierce, Marinovich, Woods, O'Hair; I think you'll find many examples of fathers that were similarly scrutinized.

The media only reports what is there.

(Point of clarification regarding the "run a mile" thing....

This story was widely known within the circles of AJGA golf.  The extent of it was not known, but all parties agree that it did happen at least once.  According to the most recent account from Sean, it was one time and the most recent account from Mark indicates that there was a bet.  "Shoot XX and I'll do it for you, but if you don't you have to run a mile for every bogey."

It is not clear whether Sean was telling the truth or throwing the "one-time" theory out there to minimize the scrutiny on his father.  Either way, it is very clear to me that we have a son who loves his father very much, even if he recognizes that his life might be easier without him in it.)

[Bob_Huntley]

Jim,

You wrote "In the meantime, I look at the end result.  Sean is one of the world's top golfers, at 23.  By all accounts he is an extremely nice young man, with a fantastic future ahead of him. If he suffered so much abuse, how could he possibly have turned out that way?  To me, that doesn't equate well with abuse."

I can think of any number of people that suffered abuse as children and turned out as equally well adjusted as Sean. Ludwig van Bethoven is the first that comes to mind. Although not as a child, but Nelson Mandela went through a few hoops as well.

I love Brent Hutto's story, it's only a pity he had to wait so long to express his feelings about the man.

[S. Huffstutler]

Jim: Since my "axe murderer" remark lost you, let me explain....under the high stress that this kid was placed, many kids have and, unfortunately will again, snap and either suicide out or kill their tormentor or some other member of the family. This speaks volumes for the strength of personality of the son, since under those circumstances, I think I probably would have sling-bladed his sorry ass. He remains a jerk.

Steve